Am I a cold-hearted witch?

lewispm · June 2013

Ok, so my FIL has been going through some rough medical testing lately. He was hospitalized with several blood clots in his legs, stomach, and lungs (luckily he will be fine and they caught them in time) and now they are running multiple tests on him to see what caused the clots in the first place. He gets out of the hospital tomorrow and has been given orders to "take it easy" for a few weeks, but other than that he should be fine, pending what the test results are.

So I am going to Jacksonville, FL on July 5-7 to attend my BFF's baby shower and hang out with her family. My family and their family have grown up together and my "Aunt" and "uncle" there are like my second parents. My 2 sisters and Kellen will be traveling with me and I am SO excited to show Kellen off to all my FL friends and family during the shower. Now here is where I get heartless:

MH informed his parents that I will be in Jacksonville (about a 4 hour drive from them) that weekend and they are now making plans to drive in and get a hotel in order to see Kellen. They asked to watch him during the shower since they will only be there for 1 day and want time with him. I am so upset! the whole reason I am even bringing Kellen to Jville is so that people at the shower that I know that haven't seen him but maybe 1 or 2 times his whole life can see him! I told MH that I will be taking him to the shower and he told me he was "putting his foot down" that his parents are going to watch K during the shower and that he can't come. I even brought up asking if they could attend the shower, but my FIL is on bed rest and they don't want to. MH doesn't take a stand like this on many issues, but this is just one that I really don't want to give in on!

Am I being a heartless witch considering his dad is sick and just wants to see his grandson or am I being a rational human? WWJ12D?? I will be devastated if I can't bring him to the shower. He was even going to get to meet his little 6 week old cousin for the first time there...

nesenotes · June 2013

I don't think you are being heartless. They are being intrusive. You made these plans and they are trying to change it.

tiredmomsclub · June 2013

Is there any chance you could bring Kellen to the shower for a little bit to meet everyone, then have the ILs come pick him up to spend time with him?

That's a tough situation I don't blame you for being upset.

lewispm · June 2013

bellaxanthe:
Honestly? I think your DH is being overbearing. You made the trip with these plans and then all the sudden you are supposed to change it for others who made a last minute assumption. And if FIL is on bedrest he really isn't allowed to chase around a baby is he? Don't get the point of them insisting on watching Kellan.

This is how I feel too! Thank you for validating my feelings. Yes, its been since March since my FIL has seen Kellen, but I still just feel like its wrong to make me change my plans. I would NEVER drive a carseat-hating baby 7 hours without MH just to drop him off with the inlaws.

zyas · June 2013

ugh, that's a super tough situation. So is that the only day they can come visit (your inlaws I mean), there isn't another day they can come? What about letting them take Kellen after the shower so they can spend the rest of the day or evening with him?

I know you want your friends to meet him but your inlaws are family so I would say family should come first. That being said, could you meet up with your friends another time while you're in town so they can meet Kellen then?

On the bright side, you might actually have more fun at the shower with your friends if you don't have a baby to run after.

However, if you really really want to take him, can you tell your inlaws you and Kellen already have plans that day and can they come another time? How often do they get to see him? If they don't get to see him very often then I kind of understand why your husband really wants them to spend time with him.

Good luck with whatever happens!

ETA: I just reread your post and saw that you're only there a couple days. I would see if the inlaws could visit with him before or after the shower and tell them he is going to the shower with you.

lewispm · June 2013

I have brought up meeting up with them before or after the shower, but I already have dinner plans with my friends (just a bunch of 20 something girls and a few babies) and I think it would be weird to invite my In-laws along to that. These are my BEST FRIENDS that I never really get to see, but MH feels that I need to sacrifice either going to dinner with my friends or bringing K to the shower so that his parents can see Kellen. I even offered to leave Kellen with them while I went to dinner, but they don't want to do the bedtime routine and K gets super fussy if he's stuck at home without stimulation past his bed time. I mean, how difficult can they be when I am trying to bend over backwards to make this work for them??? Ugh. This is why I am not too find of them in the first place.

lewispm · June 2013

Oh, and how could I forget that fact that my in laws MIGHT be able to still come for Kellens Bday on the 13th. So essentially, I could be bending over backwards and ruining my weekend plans when they are just going to see him the next weekend anyway.

lewispm · June 2013

zyas:
ugh, that's a super tough situation. So is that the only day they can come visit (your inlaws I mean), there isn't another day they can come? What about letting them take Kellen after the shower so they can spend the rest of the day or evening with him?
I know you want your friends to meet him but your inlaws are family so I would say family should come first. That being said, could you meet up with your friends another time while you're in town so they can meet Kellen then?
On the bright side, you might actually have more fun at the shower with your friends if you don't have a baby to run after.
However, if you really really want to take him, can you tell your inlaws you and Kellen already have plans that day and can they come another time? How often do they get to see him? If they don't get to see him very often then I kind of understand why your husband really wants them to spend time with him.
Good luck with whatever happens!

I agree, but these friends really are my family. It is 3 sisters that my 2 sisters and I grew up with. We call them our cousins and refer to their parents as aunt and uncle. And I don't even like my In laws.

WonderJess · June 2013

My husband doesn't get to "put his foot down" so that wouldn't go over too well with me. You made the plans and you are dealing with all that travel... the reward is getting to show him off!

I agree with the others. Find a compromise if possible. Sucks!! Huh?

zyas · June 2013

lewispm:
Oh, and how could I forget that fact that my in laws MIGHT be able to still come for Kellens Bday on the 13th. So essentially, I could be bending over backwards and ruining my weekend plans when they are just going to see him the next weekend anyway.

oh well this changes everything then! If they are going to be seeing you guys the following weekend then forget changing all your plans around. And the fact that you offered for them to care for Kellen while you go out for dinner and that they don't want to do the bedtime routine. Wth? They need to give a little here. It sounds like you are trying to compromise for everyone but they only want things on their terms.

Put your foot down and say either they take him while you go for dinner or nothing at all. Especially if there is a good chance they'll see him the next weekend anyway.

pinkangelmoon · June 2013

zyas:
lewispm:
Oh, and how could I forget that fact that my in laws MIGHT be able to still come for Kellens Bday on the 13th. So essentially, I could be bending over backwards and ruining my weekend plans when they are just going to see him the next weekend anyway.
oh well this changes everything then! If they are going to be seeing you guys the following weekend then forget changing all your plans around. And the fact that you offered for them to care for Kellen while you go out for dinner and that they don't want to do the bedtime routine. Wth? They need to give a little here. It sounds like you are trying to compromise for everyone but they only want things on their terms.
Put your foot down and say either they take him while you go for dinner or nothing at all. Especially if there is a good chance they'll see him the next weekend anyway.

Yep this exactly.

lewispm · June 2013

wheelerc:
lewispm:
I have brought up meeting up with them before or after the shower, but I already have dinner plans with my friends (just a bunch of 20 something girls and a few babies) and I think it would be weird to invite my In-laws along to that. These are my BEST FRIENDS that I never really get to see, but MH feels that I need to sacrifice either going to dinner with my friends or bringing K to the shower so that his parents can see Kellen. I even offered to leave Kellen with them while I went to dinner, but they don't want to do the bedtime routine and K gets super fussy if he's stuck at home without stimulation past his bed time. I mean, how difficult can they be when I am trying to bend over backwards to make this work for them??? Ugh. This is why I am not too find of them in the first place.
This is making me pissed off for you. I'm sorry but they are acting like little baby dickholes. They can see him before, they can have him after during your dinner. Your weekend should not be ruined because they have to be in control every moment. They remind me so much of my parents, and we don't speak to them any longer for many, many reasons. Anyway, time to "put your foot down". Your trip, your call. I'm sorry if others disagree, but f"ck them if they're being like this to you. Kellen is your baby, not theirs.

ETA: Hit post too soon!

I'm glad y'all are seeing this my way! I was so worried everyone would tell me I am being heartless and my In laws are more important and I need to suck it up yadda yadda yadda.

MH wont be there, so when it comes right down to it I can do whatever I want, right? I am taking K to the shower. That's for sure! And if my inlaws want to see him, then they need to just come. My FIL can just sit on the couch the whole time and talk to my uncle (they are great friends). I think y'all just gave me the balls to put my own foot down and follow through with my original plans, so thanks!

RTaylor12 · June 2013

I think you've already made your decision, but I wanted to add I agree with everything the PPs said. These are YOUR plans, and your H is being unreasonable. If he wants his parents to see Kellen so bad, then he can make plans and take time to take Kellen to go see them himself.

lewispm · June 2013

codybarre:
bellaxanthe:
Honestly? I think your DH is being overbearing. You made the trip with these plans and then all the sudden you are supposed to change it for others who made a last minute assumption. And if FIL is on bedrest he really isn't allowed to chase around a baby is he? Don't get the point of them insisting on watching Kellan.
I agree with this. Is FIL even cleared to make a 4 hour road trip if he's on bedrest? Especially with blod clots? I wouldn't think that would very safe...

He is cleared as long as he stops every hour or so and walks around. I guess its really a modified bed rest. He was just told to rest and take it easy for a few weeks.

pinkangelmoon · June 2013

Another thought...why would they do two back to back weekend road trips if they plan to come to LO's bday? To any healthy person this would be exhausting, can't imagine for someone in his condition and on bed rest. Seems like it would be a better idea for FIL to rest up so they'd have a better chance of making it to the party the next week.

StokedWifey · June 2013

bellaxanthe:

Honestly? I think your DH is being overbearing. You made the trip with these plans and then all the sudden you are supposed to change it for others who made a last minute assumption. And if FIL is on bedrest he really isn't allowed to chase around a baby is he? Don't get the point of them insisting on watching Kellan.

This, plus in addition to the bolded, he's going to drive that far while on bedrest? That makes no sense to me.

What if you make plans to hang out with them after the shower? This trip has a specific purpose and while I get them wanting to see him, it's very inconsiderate to disrupt your plans. I don't see why you can't come to a compromise. K is your child as much as he is J's.

ETA: Ok, forget everything I just said because I got aggravated and responded before reading.

If you're willing to bend, they should be willing to bend as well. What about if you let them keep him during the shower and you take him to dinner? Will you have time there to intro him to the "family" that won't be at dinner?

ETA 2: I didn't read them all before posting a second time, so will hush now. I will gladly give them the stank-eye at the party since you're not allowed.

lewispm · June 2013

StokedWifey:
bellaxanthe:

Honestly? I think your DH is being overbearing. You made the trip with these plans and then all the sudden you are supposed to change it for others who made a last minute assumption. And if FIL is on bedrest he really isn't allowed to chase around a baby is he? Don't get the point of them insisting on watching Kellan.

This, plus in addition to the bolded, he's going to drive that far while on bedrest? That makes no sense to me.
What if you make plans to hang out with them after the shower? This trip has a specific purpose and while I get them wanting to see him, it's very inconsiderate to disrupt your plans. I don't see why you can't come to a compromise. K is your child as much as he is J's.
ETA: Ok, forget everything I just said because I got aggravated and responded before reading.

If you're willing to bend, they should be willing to bend as well. What about if you let them keep him during the shower and you take him to dinner? Will you have time there to intro him to the "family" that won't be at dinner?

ETA 2: I didn't read them all before posting a second time, so will hush now. I will gladly give them the stank-eye at the party since you're not allowed.

Haha. I literally snorted reading this. And PLEASE give them the stank eye. Puhlease.

StokedWifey · June 2013

lewispm:
StokedWifey:
bellaxanthe:

Honestly? I think your DH is being overbearing. You made the trip with these plans and then all the sudden you are supposed to change it for others who made a last minute assumption. And if FIL is on bedrest he really isn't allowed to chase around a baby is he? Don't get the point of them insisting on watching Kellan.

This, plus in addition to the bolded, he's going to drive that far while on bedrest? That makes no sense to me.
What if you make plans to hang out with them after the shower? This trip has a specific purpose and while I get them wanting to see him, it's very inconsiderate to disrupt your plans. I don't see why you can't come to a compromise. K is your child as much as he is J's.
ETA: Ok, forget everything I just said because I got aggravated and responded before reading.

If you're willing to bend, they should be willing to bend as well. What about if you let them keep him during the shower and you take him to dinner? Will you have time there to intro him to the "family" that won't be at dinner?

ETA 2: I didn't read them all before posting a second time, so will hush now. I will gladly give them the stank-eye at the party since you're not allowed.
Haha. I literally snorted reading this. And PLEASE give them the stank eye. Puhlease.

Consider it done.

britbratjf · June 2013

JodieLyn10:
WonderJess:
My husband doesn't get to "put his foot down" so that wouldn't go over too well with me. 

First of all...THIS!!!

Second: Who the hell are they that they think they can change your plans for you.  This trip has nothing to do with them.  You aren't even going to their hometown.  They don't just get to say oh, hey, we're driving in to barge in on your special weekend with your friends and oh, by the way, we're taking your baby whether you like it or not.

I would tell your husband as respectfully as possible:

"I've had these plans in place for (x amount of time) and have been looking forward to this opportunity for people that are very important to me to meet our son.  I am not willing, nor should I be obligated to change these plans.  If your parents want to see Kellan, they need to try to work around my schedule.  If they can't, then they are welcome to come to Kellan's party the week following or to come any other time that suits them." 

Be firm and show you're not a pushover.

Couldn't have said it any better!

BubbaJug · June 2013

Ummm, you are not wrong. If the reason behind you taking Kellen on this trip is to show him off at events like this shower, as his mother, that is your right. If my DH EVER told me he was "putting his foot down" regarding something non safety related (which would be a whole different situation)... Especially something that you have planned for... Like a trip, DH would be over ruled. I would call his parents myself and explain the situation honestly and work out another day for them to come in.

bumpuser1509193 · June 2013

You are NOT cold hearted! It was kinda rude for your inlaws to intrude. And kinda douchie of your H to put his foot down.
For the sake of family peace, maybe you and K can have dinner with them?

Want a personalized experience?

Am I a cold-hearted witch?

Re: Am I a cold-hearted witch?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards