Community› The Bump Message Boards› Blended Families
Blended Families
New Discussion

Vacation angst

Lavender PLavender P member
in Blended Families
So far BM has been very cooperative with our vacation plans. We are taking SS, 10, on our vacation to a Caribbean island for an entire week. We are all so super excited as we leave on Saturday. SS talked about it all weekend. Yesterday, DH asks BM again if we can pick up SS the night before. It isn't our time with him, but our flight leaves at 8 am. Since it is an international flight we need to be there by 6. We live over half an hour away and we know things will take longer in security with our 1 year old DS. Therefore we will have to leave our house no later than 5:15, not counting if we have to stop at BM's house. She tells DH she has no idea what their plans are yet, but she will let us know. iIf we have to stop by BM's we will have to leave at 4:45 am, to pick up SS by 5:15. I am nervous that now our vacation is almost here she is going to revert to her passive aggressive tactics to try to spoil it. She has trouble being awake the few times we have picked up SS at 9 am let alone 5. We had to bang on the door and call for 10 minutes, and when she answered it was clear she had just woken up and SS no where near ready. I'm scared when we how up, she and SS will still be asleep and we will waste time waiting for him to dress. I'm also scared she is going to try to keep SS up late the night before so he is tired and cranky for our flight. I'm sure I'm overreacting and worrying for no reason, but these are all things she has done before. Our last vacation with him, he called DH the day before and said he couldn't go because his mom would miss him too much and would be sad if he left her. It wasn't until we told him all the fun things we were going to do that he decided to go. He was fine the entire time we were gone and didn't ask to call her once, although we made him anyway. I just want everything to go smoothly for our vacation....
"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
Report Reply to Post

Re: Vacation angst

  • PamelacakePamelacake member

    =( I hope she just lets you guys have SS the night before.. I mean what would that hurt. I hope it goes smoothly for you.

    The anxiety of that would really get to me too!

    BabyFruit Ticker

                                                       

       Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers                            

     

    My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5 

    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • Lavender PLavender P member
    I do too. If you are going to be a b!tch, just own it and stop pretending to be nice. Being passive/aggressive is just cowardly.
    I feel bad because my SS has a lot of anxiety, and if we don't get him the night before he is probably going to stress out about it. He will worry that we will forget to pick him up or that he will sleep in and miss the flight, or a million other things.

    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
    Report Reply
  • PamelacakePamelacake member
    Is BM not reasonable enough to see how it could effect him or just maybe just wants to throw her weight around?
    BabyFruit Ticker

                                                       

       Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers                            

     

    My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5 

    Report Reply
  • Lavender PLavender P member
    She would do anything to try to hurt DH even if it makes SS collateral damage. She blames DH and inadvertently SS for ruining her life. Since she and DH broke up, his life has completely changed. We started dating and he has put himself through college, worked his butt off to get a really successful job, bought a great house and many other things. She had two other kids with another guy right away and got married, but never did anything to improve her quality of life. She blames DH for her being stuck as opposed to her life choices. Therefore, access to SS is the only thing she has that DH doesn't, and she knows it wont last forever. Therefore she likes to throw her weight around by making things difficult thinking it will upset DH. When really all it does is hurt SS. DH and I are grown ups and can handle it, but SS has anxiety issues and it just gets worse as she plays her games.
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
    Report Reply
  • Lavender PLavender P member
    imagewendilea:
    Does he take meds for anxiety? nbsp;Putting on flameproof suit here nbsp;If he does not, and he is edgy because he was up all night stressing, give him some benadryl just before you board. nbsp;Between the benadryl and the movement of the plane, it will help him sleep and then your trip will start a little better.I feel so sorry for all of you. nbsp;I know what anxiety does to a person, esp. kids C has it, so do I nbsp;Maybe your DH can present it to BM as "in SS's best interest, so he's not so frazzled in the morning, we would really like to pick him up. nbsp;In exchange, I'll give you an extra XX hours or a day here." nbsp;Give her a little more just so you have the peace of mind.nbsp;

    He doesn't take meds for it, but I really think he should. He is a very sensitive little boy, and as sweet as can be, but BM doesn't think his anxiety is a problem. She said it's DH putting things in his head to make her look like a bad parent. We've never mentioned to SS that we think he has anxiety, just to BM, so I'm not sure how we put it in his head. We just try to give SS ways to cope with it. My best friend is a child pschologist and has met with SS several time when she was visiting. She didn't in any way interview him or ttreat him, but just said he definitely has anxiety and suggested things we could teach him or do for him.
    I think that eventually BM will let us have him the night before I'm hoping. I think she wants to make it seem like a big deal so she can say she is doing us a favor and then we will owe her, and have to give her time. We actually have SS the day before her vacation but we would never make her come get him at the crack of dawn.
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
    Report Reply
  • twister22twister22 member
    Is there any chance BM will let you guys get SS the night before? It seems like that would make things much easier.
    image
    Report Reply
  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    FWIW my son has some unmedicated anxiety and he loves flying. He only slept one hour on a 16 hour flight home from Hong Kong because he just wanted to enjoy it and no anxiety about flying. I know Bendryl can be good for some people but only if tested ahead of time because for some it has an adverse affect and makes people jumpy and awake sort of like someone drinking coffee so sober up and just winding up with a wired drunk.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
    Report Reply
  • Lavender PLavender P member
    imagetwister22:
    Is there any chance BM will let you guys get SS the night before? It seems like that would make things much easier.

    We asked already and she said she doesn't know what their plans are, even though it is only a few days away. I think she is full of it. If he is with us, he'll be fine. He will only stress if he thinks that we will some how forget him since he is at his moms and not out house.
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
    Report Reply
  • Lavender PLavender P member
    imageLittlejen22:
    FWIW my son has some unmedicated anxiety and he loves flying. He only slept one hour on a 16 hour flight home from Hong Kong because he just wanted to enjoy it and no anxiety about flying. I know Bendryl can be good for some people but only if tested ahead of time because for some it has an adverse affect and makes people jumpy and awake sort of like someone drinking coffee so sober up and just winding up with a wired drunk.

    I think he will be fine on the flight. We have been on a plane with him before. I think he will have anxiety if we can't pick him up the night before. He has already expressed concern that we would somehow forget him. I've told him there is no way we would ever forget him but it doesn't really help. There are still a few days until then so I'm hoping BM takes her nice pills and changes her mind to let us have him.
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"