I can't take it anymore...

solisilou · June 2013

I had been holding up really well these last few months. I held up after my m/c, after having to watch the pregnancy of my colleague from real close, after the last 2 failed FET's, after several pregnancy and birth anouncements in the family... But now I'm starting to lose faith in my own strength. My bff who started taking bromocriptine a month ago just got a bfp and told me this weekend. I was the one who told her to go see an RE because of her weird cycles, btw. I got to hear about the birth story of the colleague who just got her baby... I find out today that this young girl in my study group (who got married 2 weeks ago) is now 16 weeks pregnant with twins!! by accident!!! It took all my being and then some to hold a straight face and joke about the whole situation. I had to fake cough attacks the whole class so no one would question the tears in my eyes... I'm so damn f***ing tired of this sh*t!! I can't take this anymore... I just feel like like disappearing... We still have 4 more weeks of classes and I don't know how I will handle this...

Thank you for listening. Usually a friendly ear and a good cry is all I need in these situations but it just keeps getting harder and harder.

BeeBee08 · June 2013

I am really sorry. Huge((hugs)). In all of our journies there seems to be a point where the perfect storm forms and takes everything in our being to make it through it alive. Be kind to yourself and don't worry about being upset or try to make your sad thoughts disappear. Don't force yourself to make jokes or be supportive of other people. This is a situation where you can be selfish and self preservation is #1 here. We are always here for you and we all know what you're going through.

I hope that tomorrow brings a little more sunshine your way. Until then, you have us to be strong for you. Just hang in there.

kjf114 · June 2013

I am sooo sooo sorry.. no words can take away your pain. Look how far you came already, you are very strong and it's okay to break and let the feelings go in tears. I will keep you in my prayers for your June FET. It's not fair IF on some and others its just so easy. Thinking of you xoxo

katmarso · June 2013

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It's completely normal, but incredibly hard...and REALLY not fair. I second/third what these ladies have said. And don't feel bad about the tears or the feelings.

diamante1181 · June 2013

I am truly so sorry. As pp put it, self-preservation is key for this situation. You were really nice to joke, imo. I probably would have said "good for you" and walked away lol. Recently I have had similar situations, coupled with my family making idiotic comments about my cousin's pregnancy. I totally get it. It's good to let it all out, and sometimes a good hard cry is in order. Crying and being upset does NOT mean you aren't strong. It means you are strong enough to acknowledge your feelings and to listen to them. We are all here for you, vent as much as you need to. *Hugs*

solisilou · June 2013

Thank you so much for all your kind words, for always saying the right thing, for always being there for me. It means the world to me.

Irishlove16 · June 2013

Ugh I am so so sorry. IF sucks!! You have us to lean on bc we are all here for you! Cry all you want! It helps me too! I wish you the best of luck for your upcoming FET! Just try to focus on looking forward and getting ready to jump back in and try again!

PhillyJ33 · June 2013

I am so sorry! IF is already sucks and then to add all the fertiles around you and having to put on a brave face to listen to their stories and celebrate their success is emotionally draining. I feel for you and I am here for you,

MJ14323 · June 2013

I just wanted to say I'm sorry and to hang in there. {{HUGS}}

NYCGal276 · June 2013

Ugh! I know the feeling of just wanted to fold up into a ball and disappear from the world. I'm sorry that you're having so much thrown at you all at once - there's so easy way out.

Would you consider having a conversation with these women and saying that you aren't really in a place where you feel comfortable talking about maternity? Sometimes being strong means knowing how to say "No."

briehannah · June 2013

I just wanted to say Thank You for being so honest with your feelings and saying the tough things that most of us think, but sometimes feel like we can't say. I also have a hard time when a friend or co-worker tells me that they are pregnant (which happens daily), not becuase I am not happy for them, but because I am simply frustrated with my own situation.

I have had two friends who have gotten married in the last 6 months, who are now expecting (and of course it feels like without even trying), all the while I watch every single passing day go by with no news, or even worse, bad news. One even got pregnant before the wedding, after telling me that was her goal all along. Must be nice to just say the words, and have it happen.

It's becoming harder and harder to find people to talk to about it, because everyone wants you to stay positive, and "try to enjoy the trying". Seriously?? If they knew what we were going through: mentally, emotionally, and physically.... they wouldn't even bother uttering those words.

In the meantime, I will continue to smile and be happy for everyone around me, and utilize these boards as a sounding board and "reality check-in" for the hardships we endure everyday.

Thanks everyone.

rlk2 · June 2013

Just wanted to say so sorry you are having such a hard time.....I've been there so many times. I used to be so tolerant but anymore just the thought of a happy pregnant woman brings me to tears or hysterical sobs. I've come to realize there is nothing wrong with feeling that way. We are so strong to be going through this but we are also allowed to have our rough patches!! Hang in there girl!!! We are all here for you!! It's the best "sorority" around!

rrdiva1 · June 2013

Oh hun, even the strongest of us have those moments like really?!? As prior posters said do what you need to do for self preservation! It gets tough at times, but know we are here for you, and understand.hugs!

ekc0630 · June 2013

I'm so sorry. We all have our good days and our bad days. It is the story of IF. We become stronger because of going through this (somehow) Not sure how yet but we do. We are about to do our first IVF. DH is very optimistic. Me on the other hand not so much. So hard when it is over and over again a BFN. We are here to listen to you and offer advice.