PgAL ladies, things that are different

peanutmuse · June 2013

For mobile: PgAL ladies, things that are different

I have noticed that aside from the normal anxiety and worry that comes with PgAL, there are other differences with this pregnancy. I was wondering if some of my PgAL buddies noticed these types of things too.

For example, the first time around, I immediately went to a baby names website and started browsing and saving my favorite names. I started looking at pictures of nurseries and saving some of my favorite ideas. This time, I have zero interest in baby names and nursery ideas. I have some free time today and wanted to think of something fun to research on the internet. Those two things popped in my head, and I realized quickly that they don't interest me at all. Which was a strange revelation for me.

Last time, I was reading my pregnancy books ahead to see what things were coming up. I forget (or don't care about) reading them now.

Do you have any other little things that are different?

brandlebugg · June 2013

YES! That is exactly what I went through too. I think after you've had a loss, you might distance yourself from getting "too excited" until you know for sure that everything is "a-ok." I passed my loss milestone, and heard the heartbeat for the first time last week. DH and I just started talking about names

and believe it or not we're figuring it out pretty quickly. I'm now starting to think about nurseries, baby clothes, showers, gender reveal... all that stuff. It just took longer this time around. And it will be different for everyone. For me, hearing the heartbeat on doppler was enough (because I lost last baby very early). For others, it may take even more time. Don't worry about where you feel like you need to be. Just take it one day at a time... I know the rest of that exciting "preparing for baby" stuff will come back to you soon enough! ((HUGS))

goldenB · June 2013

Have you ever seen the Seinfeld episode where George Costanza does the opposite of everything he normally does? well that's basically how this 2nd pregnancy is for me....
1st pregnancy - I felt very pregnant right away (nausea, fatigue, happy go lucky excitement) 2nd pregnancy - poas14 times, kept thinking my period will come any moment.
1st pregnancy - textbook perfect pregnancy that turned out to be a mmc. 2nd pregnancy - so far, fear inducing worry every day because of spotting that started around 14dpo and lasted until 7wks!!
I also told EVERYONE right away that I am pregnant first time around (my reasoning was we got pregnant so easily, I am healthy and of course i was completely ignorant of the fact that a miscarriage could ever possibly happen to such a "healthy young couple"). This time, we only told family and very selective friends.
1st pregnancy - like you, I started to research anything baby/pregnancy related right away (nurseries, names, etc). This pregnancy, I am much more relaxed about getting any material items for baby..I guess I don't want to get hurt again...
1st pregnancy - did not want to have a single ultrasound (thought they were not safe for the baby).2nd pregnancy, I would have weekly ultrasounds if I could...

that being said, I also talked a lot more to the baby the 1st time around...now I pray more, but do less bonding with the baby....

in closing, "Elaine, don't get too down. Everything will even out. See, I have two friends. You were up, he was down. Now he's up, you're down. You see how it all evens out for me?"

- Jerry, in "The Opposite"

halfthetree · June 2013

YES. Last time by 6 weeks I had every item we needed picked out, and saved in my amazon wish list. I browsed baby names too. This time, nothing. I can't be that naive anymore. My heart isn't that strong. I will let myself plan around 2025 weeks, but not now.
I also find that while I feel more positive this time, whereas with my loss I felt something was wrong, I am more aware of the risks and feel like I am guarding myself more.

I have an ultrasound Tuesday, which before I would have been thrilled for, now I am anxious and dreading it. Ugh. I am sorry we all can't be naively googling baby names and nursery themes now. Hugs

folkfemme · June 2013

I could have written that word for word.

I have zero interest in baby names, baby things, shopping, researching, etc. I sometimes feel like if I didn't allow to let myself become so invested with our loss pregnancy, than maybe it wouldn't have been quite as devastating. (I'm sure it wouldn't have lessened the pain, but I can't help but wonder)

After our loss, I just don't even want to go there. I think it will be easier as time progresses and I become more optimistic about this pregnancy. I'm not as naive as I once was, so I'm sure that won't happen until my baby is safely in my arms.

yogi1012 · June 2013

Well, after experiencing a full term loss, I don't even want anything in the house until the baby is here. Some days, I think it is over cautious and my fears getting to me and then other days, I think it makes sense. I have yet to take one belly shot:( and I barely read the books, but mainly because I already know what to expect!

January is so far away!

tesskerr · June 2013

I'm not exactly pgal, I had a molar pregnancy turned cancer last time, so a little different. But I have realized that life doesn't always go according to plan, we don't even know where we will live eg. Keep renting or buy a house, we have had a quick look at prams and car seats etc. just to get a gage on cost, I certainly wouldn't even think of picking one out until we need it. I have been invited to baby showers, and the babies name is in the invite, and I just find that a little creepy IMHO. I think it is great to get excited, but also continue to be realistic. Not just pregnancy related, but life in general.

TNgoldengirl · June 2013

Yes I feel the same!! We are finally starting to try to get excited about this one. We've told the family and I bought a few maternity clothes. But not into looking at all the weekly updates, nursery stuff, or baby gear. For me, part of it is that I've BTDT. It still feels too good to be true.

On the other, its It's also a different feeling than my recent loss. We were so excited and I POAS so many times. I started taking belly pictures at like 5 weeks. But somehow it felt wrong soon after..and then the spotting started. I felt so doomed. We couldnt bring myself to buy anything, tell anyone, or think about bringing home a baby "just in case something happened." but I was on TB religiously for those few weeks.

This time I put off PoAS and was in denial a few days of the possibility. But I "feel" different. More hopeful. Seeing a heartbeat definitely helped. Hopefully we will have reasons to be more confident soon.

sugarland726 · June 2013

I totally agree. For me it feels chancy, or tempting fate, or being cocky to start actually planning. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I told my mom we were telling my sister this coming weekend and I phrased it as, "assuming everything is still ok." I never would have said that before. A quote I read in a magazine said "miscarriage takes all the fun out of pregnancy." Totally right, right?

SJ&Beanie810 · June 2013

peanut+muse:
Last time, I was reading my pregnancy books ahead to see what things were coming up. I forget (or don't care about) reading them now.

This is definitely me. My last pregnancies I was constantly reading week by week and looking ahead. This time not so much.

I also have no desire to buy any cute gender neutral stuff or anything yet, where I did that in the past.

I'm also terrified to share my news this time around.

kiki1978 · June 2013

I've changed in that I feel guilty when I do things like buy a pregnancy journal or buy a maternity bathing suit. I am worried that I am jinxing myself. I find myself alternating between being calm (I'm not in control) and very worried. I also find myself thanking God every day that I'm pregnant and I didn't do that before. I wish that there were no losses so that we could all just enjoy our pregnancies and not worry about the what ifs. I hate that we feel like we can't bond with our babies early because of what might happen. ((hugs)) to everyone.

peanutmuse · June 2013

Thank you for sharing your stories, ladies. Sometimes it's good to just know we are not alone.

blacktammie2013 · June 2013

peanutmuse:
Thank you for sharing your stories, ladies. Sometimes it's good to just know we are not alone.

Agreed!!!! Amen!! My heart goes out to you all!! In hopes y'all have healthy full term babes! I have had 2 healthy PGs but I am a birth mom to 2 adoptive families. I never had support with my other babies so in a small way I understand y'all. I haven lost a baby with wings but I've lost em to other families. God bless you wonderful women! Stay strong and remember everything happens for a reason

OSUWifey09 · June 2013

I'm another that had a [nearly] fullterm loss, and I will be on edge the entire time. I can't get excited, can't start thinking of names, because I can't set myself up for that. A big part of me still can't believe I'm pregnant.

It's even different with my friends. Our close circle of friends know, and none of them have asked me much about my pregnancy. I don't think they know what is safe to say or ask because they don't want it to be awkward. And honestly, I don't talk about it much either. It's hard to be excited when you're just waiting for bad news, which is terrible, I know.

cpm1223 · June 2013

I am right with you all.

Last time around, at 9ish weeks I went shopping at some maternity stores and even baby stores and bought some things at both places.

This time I can't even look at baby clothes/stores. I run by that section of any store and keep my head down.

I also have no desire to talk about this pregnancy with anyone and I am constantly changing the subject if my Mom brings it up. H doesn't talk about it a lot anyway, since I think he's just as scared as I am.

And I'm in no way thinking of any baby names, baby must have items (of course I have ideas of what I want, but I'm not researching anything)

((hugs)) to everyone. I really hope things get better for all of us!

alinafed · June 2013

I realize I may have missed the boat on this thread a little (damn you pregnancy early bedtime!) but I just wanted to say I feel the same way. I have been looking at names and nursery ideas but it's almost more like a coping mechanism when I find myself getting too negative and thinking it won't work. I am pretty uncomfortable talking about it - I notice when I tell new people - last time I couldn't wait and wanted to burst with the news, this time I don't actually want to tell anyone and have to force myself. I told my grandparents yesterday for Father's day and my grandma called me to talk about it last night and I ignored. I also heard my autn telling my cousins on the phone and was only thinking how weird it will be to explain to children if I have another loss.

Anyway I am trying to be more positive now that loss milestone is passed... but because it was a missed MC i know until my 12 week ultrasound I will probably stay extremely nervous.

valigrl21 · June 2013

Yes I think PgAL is different from a pregnancy without a loss.

I do find myself thikning about things like names, nurseries and cloth diapers vs disposable, but for me what's different is that I don't associate those thoughts with this pregnancy/baby. For example, I don't think, "what is this baby's name going to be?", I think "if I get another rainbow baby, what will his/her name be?"

I also have "back up plans". I know that if this pregnancy ends in another miscarriage, we will take a longer break from TTC. I will have testing done and I will focus on myself and being a mom to the child I do have. Then eventually TTC again. I am not sure how many losses I can take before I call it quits, but adoption has always been on my mind, so we will explore that option.

I know not everything TTC related is completely in my control, but I like to think that I will have another child, hopefully in late Dec/early Jan. So I do some day dreaming/planning for life with 2 kids, I am just not sure how/when we will get there.

Thats how it's different for me.

valigrl21 · June 2013

sugarland726:
A quote I read in a magazine said "miscarriage takes all the fun out of pregnancy." Totally right, right?

This is so true! Sad but true!

FormerlyKrista555 · June 2013

I've had 2 early losses and have 2 healthy children, so when I get to this point in pregnancy (starting around 8 weeks or so) I feel safer. In the beginning, I think I just keep waiting to start bleeding. Every time I wipe, I'm looking for blood.

Danyell4613 · June 2013

I had my loss before my youngest. I was terrified to rely on anything. I wouldn't buy anything, I was temping until my 12 week nt scan, I wouldn't even think about my due date because the last time, I thought so much about my due date that the date was engraved in my head. And when I came to the date and I still wasn't pregnant, I was a mess... Then to find out 5 days later, I was pregnant...

I also had my hcg checked with my ds because of my loss and my betas were abnormal. So I was told I was miscarrying again. It was an awful experience and we changed doctors and our baby was growing completely on track.

This time, I've been nervous, but I do feel a little more laid back. Being pgal is scary. Thinking about all of you. Having a loss really changes your perspective and it makes you cautious.

twobluelines · June 2013

I can't bring myself to cancel our appt with the IVF clinic even though I am 10 weeks pregnant. After 1 loss and a year of ttc it feels surreal and I am not yet convinced we won't need their services. If we make it to our 14 week ultrasound and everything is ok, then we will cancel. Maybe.

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