family relationships are such a chore

SunAndRain · June 2013

I posted a while back and received great advice about whether I should jump the gun and give SIL our baby stuff...after a comment my own mother made.

Well, last night DH and I had my mom and MIL over and my mom made a comment in front of MIL about how I should give SIL my baby stuff! I could not believe it! I reacted very badly and snapped, "When I am certain I am done having children and am ready to do so then I will give away the baby stuff." I really snapped. So then MIL went on about how there was no way SIL would want ALL the stuff because I had TOO much and babies really only need SO little and SIL's house could not fit it all anyway.

I just looked like a *** and then a bigger ***. Mind you, SIL has never approached me about any of our stuff.

Why do I let our mothers get to me in this way???

laurakaz13 · June 2013

I actually think you said what needed to be said! They're the ones who looked like "asses".

lexusolsen · June 2013

laurakaz13:
I actually think you said what needed to be said! They're the ones who looked like "asses".nbsp;

This!

SunAndRain · June 2013

Thank you for the support.

I agree I said what needed to be said but they way I said it isn't the way to foster relationships. I just wish I could rise above.

At least I got ahead of the situation today and before we had lunch with SIL I told my mom that she needed to not make comments to SIL about taking my stuff and putting me on the spot. It appears my mom got the message.

Mustardseed2007 · June 2013

i hate mixing my ILs and my family. I feel ya.

MagickalNarwhal · June 2013

SunAndRain:
Thank you for the support.I agree I said what needed to be said but they way I said it isn't the way to foster relationships.nbsp; I just wish I could rise above.

I have the same trouble rising above. After a particularly vexing family visit that left me frustrated that I let stuff get to me so much, someone said to me...Well of course your family pushes your buttons...THEY INSTALLED THEM!

I agree that they were innapropriate and hopefully the message is clear now!

laurakaz13 · June 2013

MagickalNarwhal:
SunAndRain:
Thank you for the support.I agree I said what needed to be said but they way I said it isn't the way to foster relationships.nbsp; I just wish I could rise above.
I have the same trouble rising above. After a particularly vexing family visit that left me frustrated that I let stuff get to me so much, someone said to me...Well of course your family pushes your buttons...THEY INSTALLED THEM! I agree that they were innapropriate and hopefully the message is clear now!

I also sometimes have a problem "rising above" comments my MIL says and have come very close to snapping about certain things, so I know what you are saying. But I hope you still got through to your mom and she will cut it out. If anything is said in front of SIL, simply say straight to her and in a nice way, "So sorry SIL, we may have more children so my things aren't up for sharing."

michaelaskedlauren · June 2013

Good for you for standing your ground. I find that sometimes people need you to be VERY blunt and VERY clear when they keep bringing things up. It is unfortunate that sometimes you (as in people in general) need to snap in order for others to get the message.

Yes, there is a tactful way to say everything, but one can only be tactful for so long!

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