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Special Needs
star1123
member
reaching rock bottom...
star1123
member
My son is 30 months old, and I feel like since he was about six months old I have been suffering from depression and just cannot escape it. I have no idea what to do anymore. I have been to a therapist, which was not helpful. I was put on two different medications, which also was not helpful - both made me incredibly nauseous. I recently tried exercising, and that did seem to help, but now back into it worse than ever. The lovely news is that I am also nine weeks pregnant. The pregnancy was planned. Both DH and I wanted a second child, and I was doing so well for months, that we both figured I was out of my funk.
The source of this depression is that I honestly have had a tough time adapting to parenthood. I've also, according to my therapist, have suffered from an extreme case of PPD anxiety. I have been worried for the last two years that something is developmentally wrong with my son.
Last summer he started speech therapy, and also was given special ed services which in my county just accompanies anyone receiving speech. Well, he had a verbal explosion right around 20-22 months, and I was told that he is just fine. The speech therapist said he will be dismissed from speech by three and his spec ed therapist is dismissing him in July at his next review.
I have spoken to the spec ed therapist on many occasions, and she truly is wonderful. She works primarily with kids who are autistic, and has assured me my son is not on the spectrum. She even voluntarily one time went and just observed him at daycare for an hour interacting with the kids, and then reassured me again he is fine and completely typical. She admitted that he does have some quirks, but said most two year olds do, and it doesn't mean they are all autistic. She also said that his language is perfect and reminded me that autism is both social and communication and he is fine in both areas.
But the thing is, he seems to have SUCH issues going to unfamiliar places or being with a large group of unfamiliar people. Yesterday we had family over at our house, family who he doesn't know, and he would literally not go near anyone for the entire three hours they were there. He was totally fine once it was time for them to go, and on his own went and said goodbye, hugged them, etc.
We went to his friends families house for a little get together. He was so excited to see his friend, but once he realized he didn't know the place, he was crying and clinging and asking to go home. He did calm down in this situation after a few minutes and was perfectly fine.
I just don't get it, and have no idea what to do. It's like we can't go anywhere because of how he acts. But then again, it seems to be okay once he is comfortable...
The first time we went to his friends house that he plays with the most, he got upset, but the next time was totally fine. It's almost like it's this thing that now that he knows it's fine, we will go and play for a bit, then leave, he's okay with the situation. DH believes it's this fear of his we will leave him somewhere - which makes no sense to me why my son would feel that way. The only place we leave him is daycare, and maybe two days out of five, he will cry when we leave and say he doesn't want to go. But then if I check on him, DC tells me he's fine the second I walk out the door.
I just am begging for someone to have an answer, or some direction before I lose my mind. I'm at my wits end. I was so upset the other day DH was almost ready to take me to the hospital.
Everyone is saying he not on the autism specturm, but then why would he act like this????
Yes, he talks fine, has friends that he plays with and loves playing with, interacts well, asks us to play with him, always wants him to watch him do things, etc. He doesn't seem to have any sensitives to sounds or textures.
He does seem to not like change, and takes a day or two to adapt to new things. When we moved to a new house, he kept asking to go home for two days, and then was fine. He didn't like wearing short sleeve shirts at first once it got warmer out, but after maybe a few days, is totally fine.
Sorry for rambling on. Just trying to explain everything as best as possible.
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Re: reaching rock bottom...
Honestly, everything you wrote sounds to me like a "typical" toddler. He's reached the stranger-danger phase of life, wants your reassurance, and once he's adjusted to the change and gotten your approval he's fine with the situation.
If you're truly concerned, talk to your pediatrician. See where he falls on the doctor's chart of development and how the doc feels about his behavior. Your doctor can recommend someone to talk to if s/he feels there is something going on.
Thanks
We did just have his 30 month appointment, and had to fill out two developmental screening tools. I actually would say I filled them out pretty critically and his pedi said he is doing great.
He did the same at his appointment and clung to me the whole time. He was totally fine in the waiting room because he thought we were there to play, but HATED being in the room. It was like he was so nervous in there or something. But like at the family event yesterday, as soon as I said it was time to get dressed he was fine. Smiled at the doctor, talked to her, said thanks, etc. The pedi said this example indicated to her it was a bad case of separation anxiety considering as soon as my son realized we weren't staying, I wasn't leaving him there, he was fine.
I guess it's hard because every other two year old I know LOVES going places and my son clearly does not - unless it's a familiar place.
But maybe...considering he is fine in familiar places, then maybe what my doctor said is true? That once he gets that we aren't permanently staying, then he's fine?
I think that's a really good bet. He might just be really shy and anxious. Once he's comfortable he's fine. Every child is so very different with how they react to new stimuli and new situations. Or even familiar situations with things slightly altered.
I'm not very knowledgeable when it comes to Autism, so I will let other people comment there.
However, I wanted to add that I have trouble going to new places and being with new people. Like PP said, it's sensory overload. I'm an introvert. I feel at my best when I am in my own space and can go at my own pace. I like interacting with other people, but it takes a lot out of me. When I get into a large crowd, I tend to freeze up. It's not that I am shy or anxious, my mind just goes blank because of all the sensory input. If I know where I am going, or who I am going to be with, I am more comfortable, because I can prepare myself for the sensory input. It's just an introvert thing. (And, I would imagine a doctors office is a sensory overload for a young child - someone is in your personal space, touching you, asking you to do things that seem meaningless, etc.).
People have different temperaments. And, every child is different. If your doctor isn't worried, then do your best to stop worrying. Do all you can to learn who your child really is - his likes, his dislikes, his temperament, his sensory quirks (we all have them) - and then report whatever still feels off to you. If he does have autism, or any other disorder, you'll find out in time.
... It is easy for me to say this, because we're 2.5 years into our special needs journey, and 1 year into our CP journey, but I hope you will hear me when I do say this... A diagnosis is a label, nothing more. It won't change who your child is, fundamentally. Your DS will still be the same DS you have always known, with, or without, the label. Do not lose this time you have with him simply because you are worried about a label... I speak from experience.
Best of Luck!
This. Toddlers do weird/embarrassing things sometimes. My DD (who is not ASD) went through a phase where she SCREAMED at all new people, that was fun. She also went through a phase where she freaked out whenever we needed to transition from one place to the next. I mean kicking/screaming/throwing kind of tantrums. She doesn't do any of those things anymore, but we have new challenges. A lot of parenting is adjusting to one stage and then having the next stage pop up. You can't let each weird phase throw you.
Stay strong, momma. It's a tough job.