baby had no heartbeat at 7 months pregnant

kmybunny · June 2013

Recently, after a routine ob appointment, we found out my baby had died. It was a complete shock to us, as we had had a lot of perinatal care because i am 38, and all tests were good thus far. Although I attempted to have the baby vaginally (the ob thought it would be ok because the baby was so small Though I had two prior csections), I ended up having my third csection almost three weeks ago. The baby was a boy, and he looked as though he had some kind of issue with him, along with a cleft palate and lip, and a twisted umbilical cord. We were completely floored when they pulled him out and told us he was a boy...we had done a test called verifi in lieu of cvs...my perinatal drs. Told us it was more accurate. According to that test, we were having a girl, 98+ % chance, and she was normal. We had almost all our ultrasounds at the perinatal office, and not once did theY say anything looked unusual or off on the baby. we were extremely shocked, hurt, just numb. Also, the same week we found out the baby had died, my husband had gone in for a vasectomy.

That's the last three weeks, and it's been really emotional and surreal. We're both really confused and unsure how to move past everything. We had our son cremated, and we have him with us now, which helps a little. The majority of my friends are avoiding me, because I guess they don't know how to act around me. This really hurts me though. This makes me not want to talk to anyone. I dread running into people who still think i'm pregnant, and having to explain the whole thing to them. It takes such an emotional toll. I feel like a really crappy parent to my other two kids right now...it's summer for them, and I can't seem to do anything with them bc i'm sad. It totally sucks. And to top it off, I don't know if I'm still hormonal or what, but I just keep feeling like I need to get pregnant again right away, before we lose our chance with my husband's vasectomy. He is not really for it, bc he's afraid to go through this again, wh9ch I completely understand. I'm afraid too, but i can't stop th9nking about it. On 9ne hand, I don't want to be selfish...we have two, happy healthy kids. But after the initial shock of being pregnant, i took a long time to accept it, and jst when i get to that point, i lose him. I don'twant to replace him. I don't really know how to feel about things anymore, and I don't want to cause more damage to our family.

kmybunny · June 2013

I forgot to mention the real crappy things I didn't think about...milk coming in with no baby to feed, getting rid of baby stuff and gifts we received, running into what seems like every single pregnant woman in the area, and also babies every where:( thanks for reading, I needed to vent it all out. Thank u.

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · June 2013

***SIGNATURE WARNING***

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. Did you name him? We love to hear all of our angels names. The first few days, weeks and months are definitely the hardest. Be gentle on yourself as well as with DH. You will find that you will both go through this grief journey together yet differently. Leaving the house was so hard for me for several months.

I'm sorry to have met you under these circumstances but I'm glad you found this group. The women here are amazing and so supportive. We're here for you in whatever way you need.

Wishing you peace and love

JessicaG220 · June 2013

I'm so, so sorry to read your story. Lots of hugs and support to you. I lost my baby girl, Ava, at 7 months as well. It sucks and it's so unfair. I am almost 2 months out and sometimes it still hurts as much as that moment when the doctor said, "I'm sorry." This is a great, supportive group, and I hope you can find some comfort in everyone's stories and advice. It doesn't get "better". It just somehow gets easier. Somehow, some way I am able to live every day and get through the tough moments and events. Take care of yourself!

Dixon813 · June 2013

I am so so sorry for your loss.

And, yeah, milk coming in and pregnant women/babies everywhere sucks...

Kris721 · June 2013

I lost my son, Logan, at 40w 3d. He had cleft lip and palette also, But we saw this on a u/s at 20 and 28 weeks so we knew before be was born. His death was ruled a cord accident. Big hugs. At 3 weeks you still have a lot of emotions to digest. I hope you find a lot of comfort on the board.

shandorfml2 · June 2013

I am so sorry for your loss and to welcome you to the board. Please take it easy on yourself, and reach out for support if you need it. We all get the horrible reminders like milk, empty nurseries, gifts, mailings....

lots of hugs to you

TimesInfinity9 · June 2013

I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have a lot to process and I wish you luck with that. Did they tell you how the test could have been wrong about the sex and why that wasn't picked up on the ultrasounds afterwards?

kmybunny · June 2013

I'm really sorry about being so negative/complaining. I think I'm having a hard time figuring out how to deal day by day and what to do next. I really appreciate the posts, and also reading through others, it helps to know that I'm not alone, and it is really difficult for all of us. Thank you for the support:-)

kmybunny · June 2013

We actually did not name him, which I regret, but at the time, we were in such complete shock he wasn't a girl, that we kind of felt like we didn't know him as him those seven months, if that makes any sense whatsoever.

My ob has been trying to get an answer from the lab, but nothing so far. I just pray that they didn't get my results mixed up with someone else's...in my mind, I keep thinking that if that happened, what if the other people, thinking their baby had something wrong with him, chose to end their pregnancy, not knowing they had a healthy child?? We are just really confused about everything that happened.

kmybunny · June 2013

Sorry, i forgot to add, at a perinatal ultrasound, the dr pointed out her labia. I understand drs make mistakes, but it's hard for us to understand how they could not see the cleft issues he had, especially when they are supposed to be specialists, and they used this advanced equipment. I have a cousin who's child, who is now 18 years old, that had a cleft palate and lip, and her docs were able to identify it at 3 months. I don't understand, with technology supposedly improving, how they could not see any of his issues, or that he was a boy. We paid $1000 approximately for that verifi test, for the results to be completely wrong. Plus that and more for the perinatal specialist doctors and ultrasound and genetic counseling. Sorry to rant again...it's still very raw for us. Thanks again:-)

weddedwife · June 2013

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope you find comfort here in the days & weeks ahead. This board was a lifesaver for me after my loss.

cawettig · June 2013

I am so sorry, I am angry with you. We had a CVS also. First off it is very painful and it also is a risk for a miscarriage. I remember waiting for almost three weeks for those results... those weeks were soo long.

I honestly can not believe how they would give you the results for your baby being a girl and not a boy. With a medical back round this is what comes to my mind

they totally f'ed up and gave you someone else's results

they should have been able to see if the baby had a genetic disorder where the genitals come out wrong

the genetic testing can not tell a umbilical cord issue

I understand you want answers to what happened. I do not blame you. You need to push to find out what happened because this is a HUGE f'up on their end. Also, we are here for you whenever you need to vent or support. It has been two months and one week for me and I still do not want to go anywhere or do anything. I have to force myself to get up and do things with my other two children also. They are the reason I did not stay in bed and just shut down completely. I have to force myself to go to the grocery store still and go places with DH. When I see babies out and pregnant people somewhere I run and hide. Do not push yourself, let your self heal. Reading your story I just want to give you a hug and cry with you. I am so sorry for your loss.

tuscanbride2007 · June 2013

I am so very sorry sorry about the loss of your sweet baby boy. I hate to welcome new people here, but know that this is a place to come and vent, be sad, happy or whatever you are feeling with no judgement. We all get it and understand that grief is a very long and winding road. The women on here are truly amazing and were a lifesaver to me after my daughter was born still.

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