Sense of relief?

buckyfan30 · June 2013

When you came to the decision of being OAD did you feel a sense of relief?

I have to be honest, we aren't truly 100% decided on OAD but I told myself, for now that it's how I am choosing to keep it straight in my head. I know I am leaning more towards only having one, but DH said he is still 50/50.

I find that the times when DS has meltdowns, before I couldn't help but to think...and I'm going to have another one and start this all over.. and I got overwhelmed. Now, I tell myself.. just get through it and I feel relief that I may not go through it again with another child.

Maybe I'll feel differently in another 2-3 years (when we would have another if we decide). Is anyone in the same boat on this?

Chapter79 · June 2013

I was never on the fence at all, so I can't relate to that particular part. But I definitely have a sense of relief at various times, no matter what age my daughter is. When she was little, it was tantrums or whining that typically brought that on. Now that she's older, it's different things. I remember back in September when we had back to school night for my daughter, and there were parents who had 2+ kids in the same school.. and one parent would have to go with one teacher, the other had to visit the other teachers room, etc. Everyone had to split up. I feel relief during those moments, too... because my daughters time (and our time) doesn't need to be split. In those moments, I always have relief that we have one.

littlelamb99 · June 2013

I felt relief when DD was a newborn and I was stressing to myself "I have to do this again...???" because we originally wanted two children. My DH told me when DD was a newborn that due to medical issues and stuff that he would be okay with our family of 3.

I am so blessed that DD has 7 cousins.

Mrs_Lady · June 2013

ha! funny thing I always felt I would be..but most recently decided to be OAD and I can't say I felt a sense of relief just ok I guess I finally made up my mind!

kaidekka · June 2013

I have varied thoughts and feelings at different times. When I pack up DDs clothes that no longer fit, or look back through pictures from those early days I think: aww, are we really not going to do that again? But then when she has screaming meltdowns at bedtime (like she did an hour ago, thank you 4 month wakeful!) I think: thank goodness we never have to do this again!

MonkeySender · June 2013

Yes! I was so stressed because having another means a move would need to be in the near future, but finances are already tight. I was still not getting a lot of sleep, I was still pumping 5 times a day and I was like... HOW am I going to do this again, and how in the world will we afford it? And when I asked DH that he said "You know... We don't have to." And it was like something clicked and I realized that our life is great how it is and we don't need another baby to be happy.

Smudges*Mom · June 2013

We dealt with infertility before (finally) conceiving (by IVF). We lived our life in two week increments--waiting to ovulate, waiting to test. It sucked. I tend to be a hopeful, optimistic person. Despite the consistent disappointment, I kept thinking "maybe next month", but still feeling that we had to put money into our savings account in case we had to pay for IVF. It was an exhausting merry-go-round, emotionally and physically.

Knowing we were done was a relief. There is part of me that is sad and disappointed that we will not experience the joys of a second child (especially since DH has missed nearly two full years of DS's not quite four years of life), but our reality is such that being OAD is the best decision for us. In fact, I had a tubal ligation done when DS was 17 months old.

aeh72 · June 2013

This morning I was going to come on here and post this very same question! This hangs over my head as well since we are not 100% OAD but pretty likely so. I think what I'm hanging on to is this vision that I would have more than one child but the reality is a second child would not be ideal for us right now, and we're over 40 so we've given ourselves about 8 more months to try for a second before officially being done. Part of me longs for that deadline to be here so I know (so maybe that's a sign that we are OAD?) but the other part of me knows I'll be somewhat sad when that day gets here. But, we have an amazing little boy who brings joy to our life every single day so we are just living in the moment with him. If we end up being OAD, our "one" is pretty awesome!

salt78 · June 2013

We have always known we were OAD, but I feel senses of relief a lot. Like when we get past a particularly stressful phase with DD or I see a mom struggling with two screaming children at the grocery store.

Obviously I have always loved my child in any stage of her life, but I am not really a newborn baby kind of person in general. I am SO RELIEVED that I will never have to go through that again (especially while also caring for an older child...I can't even imagine how I'd deal with it).

hopefulmom81 · June 2013

We are 98% OAD. I think the moment we go for permanent birth control and take the option off of the table I will feel a huge sense of relief.

Tink112011 · June 2013

Definitely.

I feel a sense of relief at happy times though too. DS is 18 months, so this is the first summer that we're able to have "fun" with him. When we're dining on the riverfront, playing in splash pad, going boating, I find myself thinking "This wouldn't be possible with an infant in tow, and would still be a whole lot harder with two young kids." I'm thankful for the flexibility that being OAD gives us.

I also feel a sense of relief when going shopping. Grocery shopping and clothing my family is certainly not cheap, but I can buy whatever we need/want (within reason - I'm frugal by nature) without having to worry down to the penny. So after walking out of Target spending another $100, I'm relieved that I won't have to worry about finances for a second child.

JillD2011 · June 2013

We are about almost positive we are OAD. A recent discussion ended with the decision that, if we still feel the same in two years, we take permanent birth control measures. That one single conversation was such a relief. We both agreed that out little family of three works for us, and for personal, health, and financial reasons we just don't want to have another child. We are using my 30th birthday as our date to revisit the issue. Our decision to remain OAD for the time being and most likely forever, has changed things at home. We love our current family dynamic.

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