How to say "no"

banda522 · June 2013

A woman recently moved to my congregation. She was 7 months (I think??) pregnant when she arrived. She had the baby, and the baby is now about a month old, I think. The woman also has an older son (maybe around 10 years old) and another (maybe 4 year old) daughter. The new baby is a girl. Anyway, another member of the congregation pulled me aside last Thursday and said they were throwing a baby shower for the mom on the 22nd. I simply said I couldn't make it. Then again on Sunday the woman brought it up again.. Again, I said I couldn't come (said that I would be busy). THEN on Wednesday I got a text from her saying that DH could come, too, and there is a registry at Target that some other members of the congregation set up for the mother.

I REALLY don't want to go to this thing. First of all, I don't even know the mother's name. Secondly, she has two kids already, and has therefore (I am assuming) has had two showers. Third, I have already said TWICE that DH and I can't make it. Fourth, DH and I just bought a house and don't have the money to just buy renadom people gifts. And I don't want to spend half of an afternoon with a woman I don't know just to save face. But the woman inviting me is very persistant and won't stop asking me. Any way I can nicely put it that I am just not coming?

jayro10 · June 2013

Just keep telling her what you've already told her. You're busy that day and can't make it. Eventually she will give up.

Unknown · June 2013

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[Deleted User] · June 2013

Bliss+Berry:
Since she sounds really pushy and persistent and she's already asked you on more than one occasion even though you've said no, I would respond to her text. "As I already explained DH and I have a previous engagement on that day and will not be attending the shower."
ETA, that might come off a little biitchy, but I don't have patience for that kind of crap.

I second this and also wanted to say to Bliss that your siggy is ridiculously funny.

Texasmomma13 · June 2013

Asbromle:
Bliss+Berry:
Since she sounds really pushy and persistent and she's already asked you on more than one occasion even though you've said no, I would respond to her text. "As I already explained DH and I have a previous engagement on that day and will not be attending the shower."
ETA, that might come off a little biitchy, but I don't have patience for that kind of crap.
I second this and also wanted to say to Bliss that your siggy is ridiculously funny.

I agree. Just be firm. You've obviously already tried to be nice about it. Some people just don't take a hint.

And Bliss, I'm in love with that ecard. I might have snorted a little, maybe.

EastCoastBride · June 2013

Bliss+Berry:
Since she sounds really pushy and persistent and she's already asked you on more than one occasion even though you've said no, I would respond to her text. "As I already explained DH and I have a previous engagement on that day and will not be attending the shower."
ETA, that might come off a little biitchy, but I don't have patience for that kind of crap.

Yup, this. And really- in the end, she can't make you go, right? So even if she keeps being pushy, just stand firm on "we won't be attending" and go about your day.

EastCoastBride · June 2013

OH- and be prepared. If she actually "accepts" your no, it may then become "well, you can drop your gift off it you want". If she says this, just smile and say "Thanks for the information". (If she texts this to you, just ignore)

Disneygeek77 · June 2013

I truly hope this doesn't sound insensitive, but are you pregnant now ? I just wonder if their persistence is because they are planning a surprise for you. If not, then just politely tell them you have plans for that day.

katiegal · June 2013

Sounds like you already said, "no." Just ignore her now.

RoxyLynn · June 2013

I wonder if they're trying to drum up attendants if they're being that pushy. They probably want to be welcoming new members, and just took the wrong approach. Continue to say you already RSVP'ed and can not attend.

KatFCo · June 2013

Is this woman elderly? Is she possibly not remembering who she's spoken to?

If she brings it up, I'd tell her, "I'm sorry, I already told you I can't come."

Sam Buttons · June 2013

Honestly, it sounds like they are being persistent because they are using thi event to welcome her into the community. Perhaps she doesn't know many people in the area if she is new and they want I make her feel at home. That would be my guess.

I know money is tight, but can you swing a 10 dollar outfit to attend? I can imagine it may be hard moving and making new friends when you have two kids and are pregnant and it would be nice to feel support in your church community.

74dragonfly · June 2013

Sam Buttons:
Honestly, it sounds like they are being persistent because they are using thi event to welcome her into the community. Perhaps she doesn't know many people in the area if she is new and they want I make her feel at home. That would be my guess.

I know money is tight, but can you swing a 10 dollar outfit to attend? I can imagine it may be hard moving and making new friends when you have two kids and are pregnant and it would be nice to feel support in your church community.

I disagree. OP doesn't even know her name. OP like others suggested just keep saying no.

babymama619 · June 2013

jayro10:
Just keep telling her what you've already told her. You're busy that day and can't make it. Eventually she will give up.

This

JackieA2013 · June 2013

Sam Buttons:
Honestly, it sounds like they are being persistent because they are using thi event to welcome her into the community. Perhaps she doesn't know many people in the area if she is new and they want I make her feel at home. That would be my guess. I know money is tight, but can you swing a 10 dollar outfit to attend? I can imagine it may be hard moving and making new friends when you have two kids and are pregnant and it would be nice to feel support in your church community.

I agree with this. They are probably just trying to make a new member, perhaps a single mother, feel welcome at a new church. It's a kind thing to do. Of course, they shouldn't be pestering you about attending. But if can make a small sacrifice to welcome someone new to the church, it would be very kind. Sometimes, kindness must trump principle.

LeahV78 · June 2013

Christians being pushy and not taking no for an answer? Say it isn't so!

girlmama83 · June 2013

They set up a registry for her? Weird. I wouldn't want other people deciding what I want for my child.

banda522 · June 2013

Happy_Yahoo_Personaler:
OP, just keep saying the same thing. "No, I won't be attending. I already have prior plans." And/or just ignore her. Are you close with the woman who is doing the inviting? If not, I would block her texts, just so I wouldn't have to continuously be bombarded with invites.
Yes, we are quite close. I call her my "Aunt J." We do a lot of church activities together.
You are under no obligation to attend. I personally do not believe in baby showers past the first child (being new to a community doesn't excuse that rule either). You don't know this woman beyond sight recognition, it seems. You are not obligated to buy her a gift or sacrifice your day to spend with her.
Of course, if it were me, I would tell the person doing the invite, "I already told you that I have prior plans. Please stop asking. Besides, WHY is it so important that I be there, that you've now asked me X amount of times?" (Forgetting once and asking again I can understand, but having to repeat myself 3 or more times pisses me off.)
She has not asked me again since I declined the third time, but she is SO LOUD when talking to everyone else in the cong. about it. Some of my other friends have asked if I am going, and when I tell them no, they seem taken aback.

My worrying is over.. I can't attend the shower anymore anyway because I've been asked to go into work at the same time.

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