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Help for a friend. Lurker

RaysofSunshineRaysofSunshine
in Blended Families
I have a question for a friend, the CP. friend has two small children and their BM..gotten herself into a lot of trouble, drugs, and bad company..is constantly giving the girls lice. Yes, we know without a question that it is her, she has admitted it. They got it every week.. positively cleared before the visit, after te first time they got it.. and would come home with a live bug or two, maybe a nit or two, but it was definitely coming from that visit. After four consecutive visits, BD stopped visits and told BM that she had to provide a doctor note, dated the day before the visit, before visits could resume. 3 months, roughly, passed and she called asking to see them. She said that they had moved and she no longer had lice, he called BM mom who said she checked her and she was definitely clean. Visits resumed, and though she cancelled a few times, they remained lice free for two months. Today, they came back with lice. What does he do? The youngest ones head is literally scarred from the scratching and the treatments, he can't really afford an attorney right now, but will be able to in a few months. Can he just stop visits? I know that he will be in contempt but do you thing a judge would understand that she has given them lice numerous times and that isn't normal, nor acceptable? Just looking for any insight or advice to give him.

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Re: Help for a friend. Lurker

  • fellesferiefellesferie member

    I'm not an expert, so don't take my word for anything. But based on what I've read here, I would be surprised if lice would be considered a serious enough issue to warrant denying parenting time.

    How in the world could she get a doctor's note about lice? 

    Some possibilities to investigate:

    - Is there a shampoo he could get for BM's house that would help ward off lice?

    - It would irritate me down to the depths of my soul, but I'd consider offering to go to her home and help treat it for lice. Would he do this? I know it's asking a lot, but I'm just putting it out there. 

    - If he's going to be able to afford an attorney in a few months, he could try to get some stuff put into the CO. Like maybe if the kids come home with lice more than twice, he can insist that she have her living space professionally cleaned. And she can pay for half the treatments. 

    Sorry, I don't think that's super helpful. Hopefully someone else will have better information for you. 

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  • RaysofSunshineRaysofSunshine
    imagefellesferie:
    I'm not an expert, so don't take my word for anything. But based on what I've read here, I would be surprised if lice would be considered a serious enough issue to warrant denying parenting time.How in the world could she get a doctor's note about lice?nbsp;Some possibilities to investigate: Is there a shampoo he could get for BM's house that would help ward off lice? It would irritate me down to the depths of my soul, but I'd consider offering to go to her home and help treat it for lice. Would he do this? I know it's asking a lot, but I'm just putting it out there.nbsp; If he's going to be able to afford an attorney in a few months, he could try to get some stuff put into the CO. Like maybe if the kids come home with lice more than twice, he can insist that she have her living space professionally cleaned. And she can pay for half the treatments.nbsp;Sorry, I don't think that's super helpful. Hopefully someone else will have better information for you.nbsp;



    I think he meant have a doc note that says she doesn't have lice. I thought it sounded ridiculous too but I feel for him.. 2 kids and round 5 of lice all coming from BM.
    Parenting time occurs at her moms house, her mom is the supervisor. They have already ripped their carpet up and have been living on concrete since the last battle with lice. BM would not allow him to come into her home w her BF and his family.. He has offered to treat BM but she refuses also refuses to let him check her before visits. I think she should absolutely be paying half, actually all since it is coming from her and it is constant, but they are currently I'm a CS battle, she hasn't paid a dime or purchased the girls anything in over 3 years. Having a CO say she had to pay half wouldn't do anything.
    The professionally cleaned idea is a good one, sucks that they would have to continue to get it before anything could happen though.
    Also, he already uses the shampoo. But She has it BAD, you can literally see bugs crawling through her hair, at least before.. I saw her out and about. SO GROSS. I'm not sure about now though.
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  • CurlyQ284CurlyQ284 member
    That's revolting. SD1 got lice from a kid who always has it and the lice shampoo didn't work on them, I guess they built up a resistance. We ended up putting lavender oil in their shampoo bottle, conditioner and a few drops in their brush each time. Cleared it up in a few days. You could try that and then send the lavender shampoo with them to prevent recatching it maybe?
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  • RaysofSunshineRaysofSunshine
    imageCurlyQ284:
    That's revolting. SD1 got lice from a kid who always has it and the lice shampoo didn't work on them, I guess they built up a resistance. We ended up putting lavender oil in their shampoo bottle, conditioner and a few drops in their brush each time. Cleared it up in a few days. You could try that and then send the lavender shampoo with them to prevent recatching it maybe?


    Did it kill or prevent the lice ? This is definitely something he will try.
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  • hopankahopanka member
    I don't know, man...but I wanna say, from personal experience with DS and him repeatedly bringing it home due to the same classmate, I really REALLY would like to say that your friend is totally off the hook and doesn't have to give the kids to her anymore, because lice are PITA!! Lol, legally...I don't know. But - he has my sympathy.
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  • dannie2011dannie2011 member
    I heard tea tree oil, and also if she has had them for awhile they could very well be immune to the shampoo. I had a friend with girls who got lice repeatedly from school and the shampoo didn't work either. She finally had enough and dyed the girls hair it was the only thing that got rid of them, turns out the hair dye is easier on the hair and skin the then the pesticides in the lice shampoo. Maybe get her mom to do her hair, to get rid of them.

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  • Ginlyn0Ginlyn0 member
    We used to have issues with lice from SD. BM would only treat once not twice like you are supposed to and she wouldn't pick all the nits. It got to the point that as soon as SD arrived, I'd check her and treat her if necessary since she and DD share a room. Eventually she stopped getting it. I really don't think lice is a reason to deny visits. They are annoying and gross but kids get them and I really think some kids are just more susceptible.
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  • RaysofSunshineRaysofSunshine
    imagegin9874:
    We used to have issues with lice from SD. BM would only treat once not twice like you are supposed to and she wouldn't pick all the nits. It got to the point that as soon as SD arrived, I'd check her and treat her if necessary since she and DD share a room. Eventually she stopped getting it. I really don't think lice is a reason to deny visits. They are annoying and gross but kids get them and I really think some kids are just more susceptible.


    That's awful. BM has had them on and off for a year. I'm not making this up, she's gross and will admit it. I'm sure if he paid to get her hair done she would do it.. Maybe.. But does that keep them gone or just kill them? Before there were 10 people living in a 900 sq. ft. house, and none of them seem to care. If they have moved back in, she's just going to keep getting it, even with treatment.
    Did the treatment not kill SD head? The youngest one has sensitive skin, she can't even use bubble bath, and her head bleeds and scabs with it. He has tried cocoanut oil, but it didn't work. Lavender and tee tree oil are next!
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  • RaysofSunshineRaysofSunshine
    imageCurlyQ284:
    That's revolting. SD1 got lice from a kid who always has it and the lice shampoo didn't work on them, I guess they built up a resistance. We ended up putting lavender oil in their shampoo bottle, conditioner and a few drops in their brush each time. Cleared it up in a few days. You could try that and then send the lavender shampoo with them to prevent recatching it maybe?[/quote

    BM says treatments don't work, I believe her because she has had it for a year. Definitely will try this.
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  • Sunday924Sunday924 member

    My head itches like crazy now. 

    Can CPS get involved with this? I know having lice every now and then (I had it once in 5 th grade and it was soooo bad) isn't CPS worthy but if you can see the bugs in her hair and she isn't doing what is necessary to get them out of her house isn't that considered unsafe/unhealthy living conditions? 

     

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  • PamelacakePamelacake member
    I feel for you. I also have to deal with this. the lice treatment OTC doesn't work on their hair anymore.. SD's have to get prescription treatment from the DR. At a legal standpoint.. I have no clue. BM's idea of maintaining the lice is to keep her hair short. BM also wants to cut their hair but DH is totally against it.
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  • IlumineIlumine member
    imageSunday924:

    My head itches like crazy now. 

    Can CPS get involved with this? I know having lice every now and then (I had it once in 5 th grade and it was soooo bad) isn't CPS worthy but if you can see the bugs in her hair and she isn't doing what is necessary to get them out of her house isn't that considered unsafe/unhealthy living conditions? 

     

    Having lice does not necessarily mean that the house is unsafe or unhealthy.  The OP herself said that the BM in this situation removed the carpet and is living on concrete.  

    So unless there are OTHER factors, what is the BM to do?  All it takes is one well fed louse to jump off of a human before they shower, onto the couch and then onto another human.  And if the lice are RID resistant, then what?

    Are they supposed to throw away all of their furniture?  If they are poor enough to live this way, then they won't have the money to do that.

    Now personally as a parent I would stop having overnights and solely do my visitation out and about.  But even then, that would mean that I could not hug my child.... 

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  • SigirSigir member
    imageIlumine:
    imageSunday924:

    My head itches like crazy now. 

    Can CPS get involved with this? I know having lice every now and then (I had it once in 5 th grade and it was soooo bad) isn't CPS worthy but if you can see the bugs in her hair and she isn't doing what is necessary to get them out of her house isn't that considered unsafe/unhealthy living conditions? 

     

    Having lice does not necessarily mean that the house is unsafe or unhealthy.  The OP herself said that the BM in this situation removed the carpet and is living on concrete.  

    So unless there are OTHER factors, what is the BM to do?  All it takes is one well fed louse to jump off of a human before they shower, onto the couch and then onto another human.  And if the lice are RID resistant, then what?

    Are they supposed to throw away all of their furniture?  If they are poor enough to live this way, then they won't have the money to do that.

    Now personally as a parent I would stop having overnights and solely do my visitation out and about.  But even then, that would mean that I could not hug my child.... 



    But in this case the op stated that you can see them crawling around on the bm's head. So I think that counts as an 'other' factor. Don't have a good answer though. Have you asked the lawyer?
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  • RaysofSunshineRaysofSunshine
    imageIlumine:
    imageSunday924:

    My head itches like crazy now. 

    Can CPS get involved with this? I know having lice every now and then (I had it once in 5 th grade and it was soooo bad) isn't CPS worthy but if you can see the bugs in her hair and she isn't doing what is necessary to get them out of her house isn't that considered unsafe/unhealthy living conditions? 

     

    Having lice does not necessarily mean that the house is unsafe or unhealthy.  The OP herself said that the BM in this situation removed the carpet and is living on concrete.  

    So unless there are OTHER factors, what is the BM to do?  All it takes is one well fed louse to jump off of a human before they shower, onto the couch and then onto another human.  And if the lice are RID resistant, then what?

    Are they supposed to throw away all of their furniture?  If they are poor enough to live this way, then they won't have the money to do that.

    Now personally as a parent I would stop having overnights and solely do my visitation out and about.  But even then, that would mean that I could not hug my child.... 



    She didn't remove her carpet, her mother, the supervisor, did. BM smells terrible constantly and looks like she hasn't showered in weeks. There are meth charges and other various charges she has going against her, she already has supervised visits. But, I still don't know if it's enough. Lice need a human host to live, they could go stay at a friends or patents or someone's house if she truly cared to get rid of them, but she doesn't. Last summer when she first got them she cancelled the first few visits, that's how he knew when she got them.
    I don't know that no hugging would be enough if she has them as bad as she did last time, idk if she does.
    Sorry this is jumbled, I'm on my phone. Also, this sounds snarky and it's not meant to be. I'm just trying to give a little back ground
    Thanks for all the advice!
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  • RaysofSunshineRaysofSunshine
    imageSigir:
    imageIlumine:
    imageSunday924:

    My head itches like crazy now. 

    Can CPS get involved with this? I know having lice every now and then (I had it once in 5 th grade and it was soooo bad) isn't CPS worthy but if you can see the bugs in her hair and she isn't doing what is necessary to get them out of her house isn't that considered unsafe/unhealthy living conditions? 

     

    Having lice does not necessarily mean that the house is unsafe or unhealthy.  The OP herself said that the BM in this situation removed the carpet and is living on concrete.  

    So unless there are OTHER factors, what is the BM to do?  All it takes is one well fed louse to jump off of a human before they shower, onto the couch and then onto another human.  And if the lice are RID resistant, then what?

    Are they supposed to throw away all of their furniture?  If they are poor enough to live this way, then they won't have the money to do that.

    Now personally as a parent I would stop having overnights and solely do my visitation out and about.  But even then, that would mean that I could not hug my child.... 



    But in this case the op stated that you can see them crawling around on the bm's head. So I think that counts as an 'other' factor. Don't have a good answer though. Have you asked the lawyer?


    Yes, last time he said stop visits for a while and when he feels she has had time to get it under control, give her another chance. He will call tomorrow, they just got lice again yesterday
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  • SunshineMuffinSunshineMuffin member
    Your friend should absolutely call Children's Services and make a report. If I'm reading correctly, this hasn't been done recently. I'm not sure why.
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