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December 2013 Moms
GeauxM&V
member
Relocating during 3rd Tri
GeauxM&V
member
Hi everyone,
I may have mentioned a few times that H and I are moving to Baton Rouge, LA in August so I can start my fellowship. This obviously means I have to find a new OB, hospital, and create a birth plan. The problem is that I am very close with my mom, and she is under the impression that I am going to fly back to Chicago, give birth here (at the hospital where she is an attending) and spend my maternity leave with her. This is absolutely out of the question for me, and my H is very upset about it also, and I hate to hurt her feelings and keep telling her no. I do not understand how I am supposed to coordinate everything the way she wants, especially when I can't even fly the last 10 weeks of 3rd tri. She had the bright idea of driving back. And what about my husband? He clearly needs to go back to work also, and I am not going to spend 12 weeks away from him and have him not see his child.
Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this situation, or at least a way to compromise? I have a great deal of stress over this. Thanks so much in advance.
Me: 28 DH: 33 TTC since February 2012, married September 2012
DX with Hypothalamic Amenorrhea 2/2013, HSG clear, Bloodwork good, SA great! Started seeing RE February 2013
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Relocating during 3rd Tri
She's not retired at all. She is still a full-time neurologist, and takes care of our elderly great aunt. She wouldn't be able to come down to help me, maybe just for a few days.
LOL, i may have to resort to this too..
While on mat leave I flew to Detroit for a week to visit my parents. It was great. But I think your mom has a crazy idea.
I know she means well, and is is truly my hero and best friend, which is why this is really hard for me. But her idea is excessive and unrealistic.I will absolutely tell her to come and visit, and I am even willing to fly back a few times.
Don't tell her you will fly back a couple of times. You are not going to want to take a baby back to Chicago in THE WINTER a couple of times. You aren't going to feel up to it and the thought of putting a baby on a plane in the winter with all the germs and flu totally creeps me out and I'm not a germ person.
I would also just break the news to her now. If you're in your fellowship, you won't be able to take weeks off just so you can be in Chicago to deliver. You're not going to make that long a drive either right at the end of your pregnancy. Maybe when you start getting contractions she can hop on a plane and get down to you.
I think her expectations are unrealistic and you need to make sure she understands now that you won't be in Chicago but if she'd like to be in Baton Rouge, that's a good option.
Like other PPs have suggested, I would invite her to come visit YOU for as long as she is able. Let her know you would love to have her there so she feels included, regardless of how long she can stay. Like you said, it's completely unrealistic that you would fly or drive a long distance in your 3rd tri, & also very unrealistic that you & baby would be separated from your husband for so long. It's YOUR birth, so things kind of need to revolve around you & what's best for you & your husband. That said, saying no doesn't have to mean or sound like you don't like or appreciate your mom. Just explain to her that this is the situation you are stuck with, & you would love for her to come visit with whatever time she may have. IF you end up feeling up for visiting her once or twice as well after baby is born then approach that when the moment comes, but I wouldn't promise anything beforehand.
ETA: fixed wording
Chicago in the winter SUCKS. I know, I have lived here my whole life. I haven't promised her anything yet, but I have told her that it will be too hard to deliver in Chicago. She knows I am hesitant about it. Being a first time mom, I really have no idea what I will be capable of once the baby is born.
I'm totally sad that this baby won't be born where my other 2 kids were born and me for that matter. DH and I joke about flying last minute and hoping I go into labor, lol, but would never really do it. There something to be said about going home to YOUR home, set up and ready for you. It's your bed, your kitchen, your place of comfort. I can't imagine giving birth and then being a guest at someone's house, even my mom's with whom I'm really close.
I agree with all the other suggestions that were made. I think you just have to be firm and tell her to come to LA. And go back to visit Chicago once you're comfortable.
Thanks, Melba! I absolutely agree with you. I didn't even think about the comfort level. I would definitely want to be in my own home, even if it is in a new state.