Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
BigPoppa22
member
Re: How long did your NICU baby have feeding issues?
Thanks. I'd love for more parents to chime in, it is encouraging to hear that (not to take pleasure in any difficulties anyone had, but to know that if he takes 2-4 months it is something others have experienced).
Charlotte born at 28w3d due to severe IUGR on 12.24.2012 Merry Christmas!
Missed M/C discovered 12.22.2014 at 8w1d measuring 6w3d
2015 was a year to test strength of both body and character, but it led us to this... BFP 01.26.2016 EDD 9.30.2016
My little girl was born 26w3d and has only been home since this last Friday ( at 39w3d). She's having a horrible time staying awake during her feedings too. I know her slow bowel is partially a problem...pooping is the hardest thing she tries to do. Not constipated, just struggles to push & relax at the same time, so her belly is full, she's tired from trying to push, and she's tired from traveling from dr appt to dr appt. I'm trying not to worry too much because I know that if she was really hungry, she'd eat. She has taken 3 oz at a time when she's slacked off on a previous feeding, but i'm starting to think she's not getting enough.
I'm glad to see that this is a common thing, but sorry for everyone else who's going thru it as well.
My son has Meconium Aspiration that progressed to PPHN. Transferred to 3 different hospitals in the first 4 days because it looked like he might need the ECMO on the 4th day. Fortunately, before that final transfer team even got to him, he had stabilized and did not need ECMO! He was on the ventilator the first 4 days, then the high freq.oscillator for 4 days and then the CPAP for another 5-6 days and then stayed an extra 2 weeks after that because of the feeding issues. He also has reflux and has been on Prevacid throughout. He HAS made a lot of progress from there, I mean, when he left he was eating 40-50 ML and getting the rest down the tube. DW and I removed the tube a few days after he got home and now he will drink 70-80 every time and sometimes up to his full 90 ML (3 oz). But it is a struggle every single feed between him falling asleep after the first 30 ML to working through crying if he is not in the mood/tired/hungry, etc. Additionally, he is beginning to sleep better for a few chunks of overnight, so we have dropped from 8 feedings per day to 7 and have not been able to increase the amounts on the 7 so he is eating less overall.
He saw ENT twice in the NICU and there are no anatomical issues. He saw Speech and Swallow specialists about 5 times but honestly after the first two times where they said "Hold him like this and try the bottle like this, etc", we found diminishing usefulness and decided not to follow up after release except for one phone call. We have been going to a GI/nutritionist every 2 weeks who our pedi defers to for how to proceed. The GI basically says there are no formula issues, he is gaining weight, and that we have to remember that even though he looks healthy, he was very sick and still recovering digestively. She increased him from 24 calorie formula to 27 cal to compensate. She also said to not be concerned with growth charts and percentiles, but it is hard! He dropped from 85th percentile to 40-50, but I know I will not get any sympathy on the Preemie board for that ;-)
Everything the GI is saying, is of course, correct. I was just seeking encouragement that others have gone through this and that 2+ months to get on track is not totally unusual, nor is struggling through every feed. I am also very concerned that he gets enough food to grow and develop normally physically and mentally.
Anyway, thanks all for the input, it does put me at ease a bit. We will soldier on!
Wow! What a scary ride you have had. Amazing that he was able to avoid ECMO
Given his gestational age at this point I would think that the "sleepy" problems at feedings should get much better. Is he on any oxygen at home? Does he have lingering respiratory issues from PPHN? He could be getting tired with feeds and if it is not getting better by now it may make sense to consult with his pulmonologist or cardiologist to talk about supporting him during feeds with some oxygen. just an idea.
Is he still on a NICU schedule? Maybe he would do better with ad lib feeds and just working towards a daily minimum.
Lastly from my antecdotal experience of kids post nicu it seems that the babies that were intubated closer to term tend to have more issues with oral aversions and feeding troubles. (Although many many micro-preemies do too) If you continue to struggle it may make sense to see a SLP that is very experienced with feeding issues early on so that you arent struggling with solids down the road.
www.virginiakkent.blogspot.com
My DS was born at 32w3d, and his major issue was feeding. He was in the NICU for 24 days. At discharge (36w adj.), he was taking about 2 oz (60mL) every 3 hours. He took forever to finish a bottle. Gradually, we increased his feeds to 2.5-3oz by the time he reached his due date. Every 3 weeks or so, we'd increase our feeds about .5 oz. By the time he was 4 months actual (2 adjusted), he was taking about 4 oz. Now, he's almost 8 months actual and he takes 6-8 oz. every 4 hours or do.
I won't lie. Feeding has been very frustrating. He has been a slow gainer, partly due to his acid reflux. He spits up ridiculous amounts of liquid all throughout the day! Plus, he's just not all that into eating. He's so distractible. Currently, he weighs about 15 lbs. He's on the low end for his adjusted age. I just have to accept that eating is a struggle for us. I try not to force it and get too frustrated, as DS is a very happy little guy. I would encourage you to do the same. Good luck to you!
Nah from a respiratory standpoint, he was fine after the first 2 weeks. We are not officially on the NICU schedule anymore, but he generally still gets hungry every 3 hours, give or take 15-20 minutes, except when he sleeps for a 4 hour block at night and wakes up cranky.
You are right though, we may need to see another specialist soon to make sure he does not have lingering oral aversion or anything like that.
Thanks!