bridesmaid weeks b4 due date?

thebabyA · June 2013

So a really good friend of mine just got engaged. Her wedding date she picked is two weeks before my due date...and she ask me to be a bridesmaid. Question is should i?

Yes I will admit I'm a bit annoyed on the date. There is a chance I could go early. And let's not mention the part on how BIG i ll be. The more I think about it more it annoys me. Yes its selfish of me. And I will try my best to get over it. Just wished she picked a different date. But what can I say I'm pregnant everything annoys me

coraggiosa · June 2013

You really can't expect her to plan her wedding around your pregnancy, and I'm sure she asked you to be a bridesmaid because you are her friend - you should really be flattered she asked rather than being annoyed by the date.

That being said, I would personally probably decline due to the fact that I won't know what condition I'd be in at that time, and I wouldn't want to cancel at the last minute and put a kink in her plans. From what I understand, the last few weeks of pregnancy can be pretty uncomfortable and tiring, and as part of a wedding party, you'd be required to do a lot in one day. In addition, you could always give birth a couple of weeks early, which is not something you can really predict.

Anyway, that's what I would do. I would still try to make it to the wedding, however.

kje120 · June 2013

You can't be annoyed with someone for planning their wedding for when they want it. As big a deal as your pregnancy is to you it really isn't to anyone else. If you don't think you will be up for it let her know that now. You can still attend and maybe take a smaller part in everything - doing a reading or something - but not necessarily as a bridesmaid with all the added stress.

ravenclaw1 · June 2013

I think it's time to get over being annoyed. She certainly can't plan her wedding around your pregnancy. I probably would say yes, as long as it's local, as long as she understands that it might not work out.

tittytwistertortoises · June 2013

I understand being annoyed. So many things that are out of my control, annoy me. I don't agree with other PP saying you shouldn't be annoyed. You can be annoyed up until the wedding but its how you deal with your friend and her excitement about the wedding that counts! As long as it is not obvious that your annoyed your fine. And eventually it will wear off with all the excitement for the wedding.
DS was born 2 1/2 weeks early so in your circumstances I wouldn't have been able to be in the wedding, let alone go to the wedding. If it were me, I would decline. I would feel horrible and make her understand that I know how important as a bride it is to l have some control and have things go smoothly and my pregnancy might throw a huge wrinkle in things. I would also offer my help in anything leading up to the wedding like shopping for her dress or making guest favors, etc. Showing her how much you care about her big day even though you won't be in it is really important.
Lastly, I would probably also send her flowers or my favorite edible arrangements a few days after I told her so she really knows that I wish I could be in it but can't and I am really excited for her, etc.

Bellodomani · June 2013

I'm in a wedding 2 weeks before my due date too! It's in a really hot part of the state, so I have a feeling it's gonna be a rough day. If she's a close friend and you don't want to miss out on her wedding, just tell her that you want to be in the wedding but there are some factors you can't control, such as when baby comes, and make sure she's cool with being flexible on that. At the wedding I'm in, they're having the bridesmaids sit on hay bales, thank God, so I won't have to stand through a long ceremony. You could ask her how she feels about you potentially sitting down if the ceremony's going to be on the long side.

Edit: just read the PP's point about the bride potentially wanting to be able to control how things go on the day of. My friend is super laid back and would rather be flexible about whether I'm there than just not have me be in the wedding, but you should definitely take your friend's temperament into account. If she's the type of girl who wants to control every aspect of her wedding, then you might be better off declining.

Luckymomma4 · June 2013

I wouldn't do it if it were me mostly because of swelling and heat. I was a bridesmaid a 6 weeks ago and I don't think I had a chance to sit the whole time and it took me a week to recover.

LiveNLove44 · June 2013

I would be flattered and let her know you'd love to stand up in support of their marriage, but be honest and let her know you really aren't sure what you will or won't be able to do for her since it is so close to your due date. For all you know, you'll go two weeks late and be in the clear for awhile, or you may go early and your LO and she may share the date as a birthday/anniversary date. If she is understanding of how unpredictable it could be, let her know you'll be there in support, but she may need to ask others to fulfill bridesmaid duties! Best of luck!!

himymlover · June 2013

My head tells me to yell "don't do it!!!!" to you, but that would be mean. I am in a wedding about four weeks before my due date, and I am wishing that I had backed out right when I found out I was pregnant. However, a lot of that has to do with the bride and the fact that she has a lot of money and thinks everyone else does to. We have to have professional makeup done, hair professionally done, and nails professionally done. We also have to help pay for her party bus, which I won't even be on because they'll be out until 3 in the morning and I won't be drinking anyway. So basically this wedding is going to cost me over $600, and I just graduated and don't have that kind of money to be spending.

Anyway, if you have the money to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, and she isn't going to become a complete bridezilla, then do whatever you want. If she seems like the type of friend who will be crazy about her wedding, then I would personally not do it. It has added so much stress to my life, and I am assuming that since that wedding is only two weeks before your due date it would be even worse for you. Sorry for such a long post, but apparently I needed to vent.

Burrberrymum · June 2013

I was supposed to be a bridesmaid about the same time before my due date for my sisters wedding but we both thought it would be best if I had a different role in the wedding. Since I really can't predict how I'll feel at the end of the summer and standing up there may not be a great idea..

MrsShep613 · June 2013

I was supposed to be in a wedding in late July (that has since been called off...) and I ended up getting a dress that was two sizes bigger because I didn't know where I would gain weight, how much, etc. If it would have been two weeks prior to my due date, I would decline! I did have a friend who was a groomsman in a wedding and his girlfriend's due date was the day of the wedding! Their son ended up being born three days prior and he still made it to the wedding!! But, rather to be safe than sorry!

kat81again2 · June 2013

If it were me I'd probably do it, but warn my friend that things might change and that I might need to back out even if the baby does not come early, but just for pregnancy/medical reasons. But I'd give the bride the option of rescinding the bridesmaid offer at that point if she didn't want to deal with that uncertainty.

The third tri blows, but it's not like week 38 was that much worse than week 34 for me, personally. And week 40 was the same as week 38.

SaraSKC · June 2013

kat81again2:
If it were me I'd probably do it, but warn my friend that things might change and that I might need to back out even if the baby does not come early, but just for pregnancy/medical reasons. But I'd give the bride the option of rescinding the bridesmaid offer at that point if she didn't want to deal with that uncertainty.
The third tri blows, but it's not like week 38 was that much worse than week 34 for me, personally. And week 40 was the same as week 38.

This would pretty much be my advice too. I had a pair of friends in this situation. Everything ended up being fine and the pregnant bridesmaid was able to be in the wedding. The bride always knew that the bridesmaid might have to cancel last minute and she would have been fine with it.

Only you know how accommodating your friend will be if you are unable to participate fully or participate at all.

happybride 276 · June 2013

Honestly, you are being a terrible friend for expecting the world to revolve around you because you chose to get pregnant. Why should she adjust her wedding around your due date? you need to take a step back and be grateful for her asking you to be apart of one of the biggest days in her life and if you can't support her from today up to her wedding day and accomodate her within reason you need to say thanks, but no thanks. The only thing I can acceptably imagine you being frustrated with is that you may not be able to be there for your friend the way that you should if you were not pregnant. By the sound of your irritated post I hope you do say no because if I were your friend and saw the way you actually felt I wouldn't want you at my wedding let alone in my wedding.

You call her a really good friend in your post. I am having a hard time believing that by the rest of your post.

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