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Adoption
MagickalNarwahl
^5 for the comment on the July 2013 BC board! I was thinking I was the only one that was gonna have to be all loud over there!
Also, good luck! What is the due date of your expectant parents? We have 7/28--- but emom is CONVINCED she's going to go around 7/18.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: MagickalNarwahl
She is due July 5th! Holy cats, I can't believe how soon that is, for both of us!
I am just tickled that there may well be two queer adoptive moms in the July 13 BC! How are you doing?
OMG July 5 is soon. Crazy soon.
Um, I'm a FTM (incidentally, it took me a while to understand that lingo, 'cause as a queerbo it means something SO different), so I"m FREAKING the hell out. I just stood in my nursery for a few seconds and said "huh. There's no place for the baby to sleep" Glider-check, changing table, check, painted walls with ridiculously cute sea critters-check. Crib-- oops. It's ordered. It's just not here.
Also, I'm having the major anxiety of what if placement doesn't happen. I mean, we have a lovely relationship with the emom, we've met her partner, and her family but there's that ultimate fear- and then also the fear of revocation if placement happens. I kinda want to puke all the time, but instead I'm eating like I'm the one who is 34 weeks pregnant. Uncertainty is not my friend. At all.
So, kinda just clawing my way from one week to the next- trying to be not excited, but totally excited, etc etc etc .
Haha, sounds pretty right on!
We had a 5 or 6 week match that was very open (no dr visits though) and it was tough. Our friends had almost a 3 month match, also very open. I'm SO GLAD that our match period was relatively short, it's TORTURE! You have my absolutle sympathies...and excitement!
If it makes you feel any better, be opted not to even get a crib at first. In fact, our son is 16 months and we JUST finished his room, hahaha! And, we have no nursery for the new baby (thinking about some major remodeling work if this placement happens). Adoptive parent nesting...leaves a bit to be desired in my experience.
(Also right there with you on FTM, hahaha!)
ME TOO. It's one of the many public assumptions about adoption that drives me nuts - all members of the triad are like the epitome of evil AND the epitome of saintliness at the same time. PAPS: rescuing heros or unscrupulous babysnatchers. BPS: selfless saints or derelict moneygrubbers. Adoptees: chosen children or inherently broken. It's gross.
Speaking of gross, did you see the last comment in that thread? I might comment more once I wipe my exploded brain off the laptop
I just responded to it. And I think that these competing identities are what make adoption so hard. The more I hear and read and learn about it, the more gravely I'm concerned with how different agencies handle it, with the level of regret that many birth mother's feel and any other number of problems. I'm not typically a fan of federal regulation, but this might be one place where better regulation would be useful. I don't want to be complicit in something horrible, and at the same time, I really want a baby.
The emom and I confided in each other a few weeks ago about how much scary crap we read about adoption on the internet. And we've both been offering up sites and blogs that we find refreshing and not insanity-making.
But it's still super hard---it's like building trust with an absolute stranger that you are bound to for life. Ack.
Yeah when I said I went to therapy to come to terms with the parts of adoption that were hard, for me personally it wasn't the risk - it was comin to terms with taking part in an institution that is fraught with ethical issues. Even if I did everything possible to be sure that OUR adoption was handled ethically, there's no way to guarantee that AND it doesn't change the fact that you are still participating in this greater institution. My kid won't necessarily separate his adoption from Capital-A-Adoption, you know? It's complex. Oh, it's so complex.
I used the idea that the world needs more ethical adoptive parents to be part of the sea change but I get so angry and overwhelmed with the bad stuff sometimes when I encounter it that I'm not doing much good at this point.
Etoille,
We aren't high fiving ourselves, we are having a discussion about the broader (WAY BEYOND TB) conversations that happen around adoption. Sorry if your interpretation of this is different than the spirit in which we are intending to have a conversation.
You're welcome to XP. I have no problem sharing anything I wrote here in the J13 thread. It's not self congratulating for educating the dummies. It is just really nice to not have to have the weight of explaining adoption fall squarely on your shoulders and your shoulders alone. As adoptive parents and potential adoptive parents, we usually find ourselves the ones having to explain, advocate, defend etc the concepts of adoption and usually more specifically birth parents to the general public. I knew this when I signed up to an AP so it's not a surprise but it does get exhausting and isolating sometimes. It's nice to share that burden with someone, you know?
I agree, with a few exceptions, everyone was awesome with their openness to our replies. It's still nice to have a connection with someone who shares my ideals, esp in a new place that makes me nervous just being there anyway, a place where I don't have very much in common with the others.