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Special Needs
nomadica
member
Feeling guilty
nomadica
member
I usually get home from work with DS at about 5:30pm, having been up since 5am. Typically, I'm home alone with him, as DH works evenings. I'm finding it so difficult to get the motivation to engage with DS. It's such a challenge; at this point in the day he just seems to want to be mostly left alone. If I try to participate in the activities he most enjoys (coloring, building toys), he mostly ignores me or sometimes actively doesn't want me there. Trying to engage him in conversation (which, at best, involves me asking him questions and him answering) is almost a complete non-starter (he says, "No thanks, Mama" to my questions). He doesn't even interact all that much during the nightly activities we do together- walking the dog, bath time. He pretty much doesn't mind if I read or surf the net and mostly ignore him, and honestly, I'm pretty tired and that's mostly what I want to do. But I feel terribly guilty whenever I do that.
I'm not sure the best way to proceed. Perhaps as DS has had to interact all day with others at preschool and daycare, he really should be given this time to chill out. But I also want to work on engagement with others with him, and enjoy our time together in the day. Thoughts?!
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Re: Feeling guilty
Sometimes the only "engagement" they need is us just there with them. Sometimes after a long day of school and daycare DS1 (and even DS2) just want to veg on the couch with their fave tv show. And they just want me there with them so I squeeze in.
Or even just asking one question at dinner--like "what was your favorite part of the day"--that way it gets a conversation started that THEY want to talk about.
My new "mom" blog: http://realityofamommy.blogspot.com
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Notes:
Yes, as Auntie said some of the suggestions really won't work with DS, with his ASD. But it is good to hear that other moms also aren't necessarily interacting every minute of every evening with their LOs.
Auntie, currently DS is getting 90 minutes of ABA plus speech at preschool in the mornings. Twice per week at daycare in the afternoon he also gets 2-3 hours of ABA. There is some discrete trial stuff but most of the work is done in the social milieu. Speech is also done in small groups, because DS mainly struggles with the social aspects of language. Unfortunately Floortime is not covered by insurance and I have struggled to even find providers here in MA- I think that may be a better fit for DS than ABA, though his therapists do a good job with his needs. I have read Greenspan's book.
It's also good to hear another ASD mom say you didn't enjoy doing the Floortime after work. I feel guilty that it just feels like so much WORK to engage him. We do much better on the weekends- Saturday DH also works so it is just DS and me, and we do fun things together. He's not so tired so that goes much better.
Where do you live in MA? I ask because we just interviewed a great agency who provides ABA but through floor time. I could share their info with you if you would like? Maybe they would be covered under your insurance?
Near Framingham. I don't think our insurance covers anything but ABA. Currently, we use HMEA. But I'd love to hear about this agency!
Sure...the agency we looked into is Building Blocks..they are ABA providers who do so via floor time.
Auntie's right. Building Blocks says they use "an approach consistent with the strongly evidence based Early Start Denver Model which is a model that integrates the principles of Applied Behavioral Analysis with developmental, relationship-based orientation, particularly the techniques of Floortime." Our service coordinator steered us away from them, though, because what they do in practice is Floortime.