My husband tells other couples they should hire a doula.

tokenhoser · June 2013

I really do love that man.

A couple he knows from work recently announced they're expecting, and that was his advice to them - that as a first time dad, he really liked and appreciated having a doula. It's easy for me to appreciate how a doula helped me for my birth, but sometimes I forget that she also helped HIM for my birth.

aylafsu88 · June 2013

That is awesome! I love it when a guy appreciates how hard child birth is and how wonderful doulas are.

Native+Girl · June 2013

I'm going to need YH to have a sit-down with MH. He's completely on-board with med-free, is even taking private Bradley classes, which is pretty impressive for my country boy, but there's something about having a "stranger" there at the birth that he just can't seem to get over.

tokenhoser · June 2013

Native+Girl:
I'm going to need YH to have a sit-down with MH. He's completely on-board with med-free, is even taking private Bradley classes, which is pretty impressive for my country boy, but there's something about having a "stranger" there at the birth that he just can't seem to get over.

So he's BFF with the nurses and doctor, then? There are going to be "strangers" at any hospital birth. I wanted to pick one and get to know her and have full confidence she was on my team. DH was more about having someone tell him how to be helpful and useful to me, and to support me if he needed a minute to take care of himself.

Native+Girl · June 2013

tokenhoser:
Native+Girl:
I'm going to need YH to have a sit-down with MH. He's completely on-board with med-free, is even taking private Bradley classes, which is pretty impressive for my country boy, but there's something about having a "stranger" there at the birth that he just can't seem to get over.
So he's BFF with the nurses and doctor, then? There are going to be "strangers" at any hospital birth. I wanted to pick one and get to know her and have full confidence she was on my team. DH was more about having someone tell him how to be helpful and useful to me, and to support me if he needed a minute to take care of himself.

I made, or attempted to make, those same exact points - the OB/nurses and having someone there to relieve him when he needed a break. Apparently, the OB and nurses are "necessary," and if I can't get a break, he shouldn't get one either. I told him to get the birth I had hoped for, a doula was necessary and he needed to be on his game which means breaks and food.

He's basically said "you're the one giving birth, you're the one who gets to make the call" so he's not going to boycott the birth or anything. We're starting classes with the woman I hope to be my doula this weekend so he's even said that he'll probably feel more comfortable after meeting her. But still. His logic baffles me.

tokenhoser · June 2013

I don't think DH was really on board until we actually went through the birth. So do what you want and he'll thank you later. Wink

Native+Girl · June 2013

tokenhoser:
I don't think DH was really on board until we actually went through the birth. So do what you want and he'll thank you later.

That's typically how it works in our household.

lalamakita · June 2013

After losing all control of my first birth - with no help in the crazy world of hospital/medicalized births - and I ended up with a c/s - I started learning about doulas for our 2nd child's birth.

But I don't think my DH was REALLY sure about it, until after we went through that labor and birth. At first, having a doula was also out of his wheelhouse - but he was on board with me completely about why I wanted one (and a natural birth) And then during my labor, our doula was great with me, but also with him - she didn't get in his way, but when he got anxious (when the ctx were really hard) she was there with him and helped him understand I was ok and what to do.

I say I couldn't have done it without him and he says he couldn't have done it without the doula.

I love it especially b/c his mom and sister are/were completely pro-epidural and thought I was craaaa-zeeeee. And he went against all that and was so wonderful and not caring what they said. I loved that we really felt like a team.

LokiLahve · June 2013

Native+Girl:
tokenhoser:
Native+Girl:
I'm going to need YH to have a sit-down with MH. He's completely on-board with med-free, is even taking private Bradley classes, which is pretty impressive for my country boy, but there's something about having a "stranger" there at the birth that he just can't seem to get over.
So he's BFF with the nurses and doctor, then? There are going to be "strangers" at any hospital birth. I wanted to pick one and get to know her and have full confidence she was on my team. DH was more about having someone tell him how to be helpful and useful to me, and to support me if he needed a minute to take care of himself. 
I made, or attempted to make, those same exact points - the OB/nurses and having someone there to relieve him when he needed a break. Apparently, the OB and nurses are "necessary," and if I can't get a break, he shouldn't get one either. I told him to get the birth I had hoped for, a doula was necessary and he needed to be on his game which means breaks and food.
He's basically said "you're the one giving birth, you're the one who gets to make the call" so he's not going to boycott the birth or anything. We're starting classes with the woman I hope to be my doula this weekend so he's even said that he'll probably feel more comfortable after meeting her. But still. His logic baffles me.

Um...are we married to the same man? This is my DH to the T. He says he is a private person and we can do this together, that's why we're taking Bradley classes. He is very pro medicine and if it were him he would have an epi. That being said, he is taking Bradley seriously and understands and supports my decision to have a med free birth, but I still feel like he's not committed 100 percent and that we could BOTH benefit from a doula. So far I am losing this battle. Meh.

A37licia · June 2013

ha. My husband as done that too. Awesome. He's actually the one who wanted to rehire ours from the last birth, for this time. Great man.

Everyusernameistaken · June 2013

tokenhoser:
I really do love that man.
A couple he knows from work recently announced they're expecting, and that was his advice to them - that as a first time dad, he really liked and appreciated having a doula. It's easy for me to appreciate how a doula helped me for my birth, but sometimes I forget that she also helped HIM for my birth.

Haha, this is us too! Pretty sure H wouldn't have made it without the doula...I think he had a rougher time than I did during my 44 hour labour

EMOmamma · June 2013

We didn't have a doula the first time (I was high risk so a NB was unlikely and we didn't want to waste the $) for the 2nd baby my H asked me if we could get one. He said it took the pressure off and he was able to enjoy it so much more.

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