Need advise

Twinkler2011 · June 2013

Here is the situation. My partner and I have 3 children together. For the first time this year we purchased a season pass to the pool in our town. The pass pays for up to 5 people. Our youngest doesn't count because he is a bitty baby. I read over the rules of the pass and it lists that you have to be legally married, residing in the same house hold, legal guardians or grandparents etc.

So I purchased the pass with A and I on it with the 2 older girls. When we went to the aquatic club to have our pics taken for our passes they told us 2 woman cant be on a family pass. We explained that she is my partner etc. They said no it was against the rules. The lady says "It would be like if a gf and bf wanted to be on the same pass".

No it isn't, those bf & gf's have the choice to marry. I dont have that right/choice. This makes me angry and I want to write a letter to the board of directors but I'm not sure how to word it without being overly emotional. ugh.

Any help or ideas would be appreciated....unless you think I am over reacting. In that case, you can tell me that also! lol

Thanks,

A

MaryanneN · June 2013

I think you should write the letter. I am not one to give tips on how to write, but I don't think you are being emotional about it. We are very lucky here on LI because it is legal. We are able to have a family plan at our gym.
I think that there is a possibility that you will get what you want from writing the letter, or at least have peace of mind that you have done something to help support the rights your family should have.
I say go for it!

firstcomeslove2013 · June 2013

You have every right to be upset! This place is definitely in the wrong and to compare your relationship to that of someone who is causally dating is insulting. I would definitely write them a letter and encourage others to do the same. I feel like you live close to Columbus which is where I live. I would be happy to also send a letter a well if that is the route you are looking to take. It is businesses like this one that are holding our country back.

Sorry for the soap box...let me know if I can help in any way!

2MamazInSeattle · June 2013

Hey A,

I read this yesterday but had a hella work day and didn't have time to respond. But, Here are some ideas/how I would respond:

Dear xxxx,

I wanted to share a recent - disappointing - experience I had at the pool in regard to the family pass I purchased, and ask for you to reconsider your current policy.

My life partner, (insert name), and I have been in a long-term, committed relationship for X years. Together we have 3 children to whom we are both legal parents. Unfortunately in our state, we are unable to be legally married. On (insert date), after purchasing the pool pass we went to have our photos taken and were informed that we did not qualify for the family pass. I was particularly offended and hurt by the employee who explained to me that my relationship was akin to a "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationship; and that frankly, our family didn't count.

While I understand that this is intended for married people with children/families, I also would ask that you consider the families who do not yet have the right to a legal marriage but whose family functions in the same fashion.

One idea for same sex couples might be to have a simple form that says "we are in a domestic partnership, living together in one household with our children, with full intent on a lifelong commitment" in order to keep it akin to the policy as it stands and not open it up to simple "boyfriend/girlfriend" scenarios.

Please (call/email) me as soon as possible as we would like to use our pass this summer. Our two swimming aged kids, (name and name with ages) are super excited as are we for our kids to enjoy their community!

Thank you sincerely,

xxx

---

Or something like that

Twinkler2011 · June 2013

firstcomeslove2013:
You have every right to be upset! This place is definitely in the wrong and to compare your relationship to that of someone who is causally dating is insulting. I would definitely write them a letter and encourage others to do the same. I feel like you live close to Columbus which is where I live. I would be happy to also send a letter a well if that is the route you are looking to take. It is businesses like this one that are holding our country back. Sorry for the soap box...let me know if I can help in any way!

If you'd like to write a letter in addition to mine, I'd love the support! The directors name is Carrie Slater her email is carrie.slater@troyohio.gov

Thanks & good to know I am not being dramatic!

A

Twinkler2011 · June 2013

2MamazInSeattle:
Hey A,
I read this yesterday but had a hella work day and didn't have time to respond. But, Here are some ideas/how I would respond:
Dear xxxx,
I wanted to share a recent - disappointing - experience I had at the pool in regard to the family pass I purchased, and ask for you to reconsider your current policy.
My life partner, (insert name), and I have been in a long-term, committed relationship for X years. Together we have 3 children to whom we are both legal parents. Unfortunately in our state, we are unable to be legally married. On (insert date), after purchasing the pool pass we went to have our photos taken and were informed that we did not qualify for the family pass. I was particularly offended and hurt by the employee who explained to me that my relationship was akin to a "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationship; and that frankly, our family didn't count.
While I understand that this is intended for married people with children/families, I also would ask that you consider the families who do not yet have the right to a legal marriage but whose family functions in the same fashion.
One idea for same sex couples might be to have a simple form that says "we are in a domestic partnership, living together in one household with our children, with full intent on a lifelong commitment" in order to keep it akin to the policy as it stands and not open it up to simple "boyfriend/girlfriend" scenarios.
Please (call/email) me as soon as possible as we would like to use our pass this summer. Our two swimming aged kids, (name and name with ages) are super excited as are we for our kids to enjoy their community!
Thank you sincerely,
xxx
---
Or something like that

Thank you so much for taking the time to help me with this! I feel much more confident writing the letter now! I will keep you updated if I get a response!

Thanks,

A

Jazibel · June 2013

Twinkler - I am mad and upset for you. People can be so ignorant and... Ok I won't rant here. Anyway I agree with PP that writing a letter will make you both feel better and hopefully create a change in their policy.

2Mamaz - I love your draft letter. I am totally hiring you if I ever need mediation help!! Smile

mollykelley · June 2013

Yes, send the letter!!!! This made me so upset when I read it last night. I told my wife and she commented that historically swimming pools have been on the wrong side when it comes to discrimination... hmmm.

If a man with his girlfriend and kids came in, I don't think they would ask for proof that they are married. This is the kind of thing that same sex couples deal with.

I give two thumbs up to 2mamaz draft letter.

Twinkler2011 · June 2013

mollykelley:
If a man with his girlfriend and kids came in, I don't think they would ask for proof that they are married. This is the kind of thing that same sex couples deal with.

Right! I was thinking that too, because I didn't have to show identification when I went to have my pass pictures taken. If they dont ask for a photo id, I highly doubt they are going to as for a marriage certificate! Ugh!

BTW, I sent the letter! We will see what kind of response I get!

A

firstcomeslove2013 · June 2013

Hey A!

I just sent en email to the pool people! Hopefully that will help!

Twinkler2011 · June 2013

Awesome!

Thank you for the support!

A

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