XP: Who's The Douche

FutureHernandez · December 2008

So my mother bought my brother's 7 year old stepson, Jeramy a $250.00 Wii for Christmas.

On Friday I was telling her that I had to finish up my shopping for my 13 year old step daughter, Emily. I told her that I found a pretty jewlery box at Target for $25 and was going to buy it this weekend. She said that she would give that to her as her gift for Christmas.

I then asked her if Jeramy was going to be there when Emily would open her gift. She said yes and asked why. I told her that Emily would notice that she got a jewlrey box and Jeramy got a Wii from them.

She said she wasn't going to spend $250 on Emily because she couldn't afford to spend that kind of money on each kid. I said it was unfair and she shold have thought about that before spending that kind of money on Jeramy. Her response-- "Well Emily isn't my grandchild". My response, "Well, since when did Jeramy become your biological grandchild? Fair is fair and this is a big gap in gifts. Kids notice these kinds of things and it makes them feel bad."

I am so hurt by her comments and actions. She is always a fair and giving person. This is so out of character.

But she's taken it to next level--She told my brother what happened and he's upset with me. He told DH he was hurt by my statements. I think she might have twisted this story. I haven't spoken to my mother since Friday and we always talk a few times a day, so this is bad.

I feel childish for telling my mom that she didn't spend the same amount on my stepchild.

Jason'swife · December 2008

Actually, I think you hit the nail on the head. I can't believe she wouldn't see how that could be hurtful to your step daughter. Can't she at least give him the Wii at a time when the other kids won't be around? I think I'd call your brother and explain what actually happened. She MUST have twisted it around.

Mrs_Liberto · December 2008

Jason'swife:
Actually, I think you hit the nail on the head. I can't believe she wouldn't see how that could be hurtful to your step daughter. Can't she at least give him the Wii at a time when the other kids won't be around? I think I'd call your brother and explain what actually happened. She MUST have twisted it around.

Ditto. There is no way YOU sound like the "bad guy" in this situation unless she rewrote the situation. It's horrible of her to play favorites like that!

I would totally call her out on it and make HER explain it to your SD why she's being treated differently--I'm sure it would stop pretty darn quickly.

robbie3982 · December 2008

I agree with Jason'swife. It would still be bad if your step nephew got it at a different time, but at least your stepdaughter wouldn't know about it. I agree that you should call your brother. He has no reason to be upset about things happening the way that you described.

Mrs. Pink · December 2008

She's definitely being the douche! I think she's being unfair and no she doesn't have to spend $250 exactly on each gchild, but seriously...that's a $225 gap in prices. Emily will definitely notice that and it's totally not fair.

Krisito · December 2008

I agree with everyone else, especially Mrs. Liberto about having your mom explain to your SD why she got a jewelry box and your brother's SS got a Wii.

H*E*E · December 2008

if my mom pulled this.... we simply wouldn't attend Christmas at her house. End of story! That is BS!

FutureHernandez · December 2008

I explained it to her how this was unfair. She got upset and really sarcastically said, I'll give her a $200 gift certificate to the Limited Two.

I even called my dad to talk to him and he agreed with me.

FutureHernandez · December 2008

H*E*E:
if my mom pulled this.... we simply wouldn't attend Christmas at her house. End of story! That is BS!

That's what I told DH but he said that I have to think rationally. She messed with my family and that's a big no no.

RandZB · December 2008

She's the douche. Kids definitely notice a disparity in gifts. I have three different sets of cousins on my dad's side, and when my brother and I were about 12 and 9 years old my grandparents got all the other sets of grandkids a big fancy telescope for Christmas. We didn't get a telescope. The kicker was that all the other kids were much younger and couldn't even use or appreciate a telescope. It was something like that every year, in varying degrees. My brother and I were always slighted (my dad and mom are of different religious denominations, and that was a big no-no to my grandparents and we've all been paying for it for 30 years). It's gotten better now that we are all older and most of us are adults, but it still stung and I could still make myself really mad about it if I thought about it long enough. She should be sensitive to the feelings of your stepdaughter. Has she ever shown preference for the boy before?

FutureHernandez · December 2008

RandZB:
Has she ever shown preference for the boy before?

Well Jeramy came into the picture when he was 2. He calls my parents Grandma and Granpa. Emily came into the picture when she was 11. Her mom has been divorced twice and she has grandparents all over.

So yes, she is closer to Jeramy. Emily doesn't even speak to my parents beyond hello and goodbye. But she is like that with everyone.

H*E*E · December 2008

It sounds like she is being very unreasonable. I would let her set on it and call your brother to hear what story he has been fed.

RandZB · December 2008

FutureHernandez:

Well Jeramy came into the picture when he was 2. He calls my parents Grandma and Granpa. Emily came into the picture when she was 11. Her mom has been divorced twice and she has grandparents all over.

So yes, she is closer to Jeramy. Emily doesn't even speak to my parents beyond hello and goodbye. But she is like that with everyone.

Well, I can see why she might have more of an attachment to Jeramy, but she still shouldn't spend hundreds of dollars on his Christmas gift and less than thirty on Emily. I have an aunt that has been married three times, so I have had a cavalcade of step-cousins throughout the years. They have always been treated equally by my grandparents and other aunts and uncles. My grandmother always called them her grandchildren, and my mom referred to them as her nieces and/or nephews. I hope your mom reconsiders. A solution might be to let your brother buy the Wii from her and give it to Jeramy himself. That would let your mom redeem herself, and nobody's money would be wasted. Jeramy would get his Wii, and Emily wouldn't ever have to know that she was thought of as the "lesser" grandchild. That breaks my heart just to type! I'm sorry this is going on with your family. Such a tough situation.

WinsyWade · December 2008

I was taken aback by the fact that your brother is now mad at you as well. How would he feel if Emily got a very expensive gift and Jeremy got a small inexpensive gift? I think you need to talk this over with him.

As for your mom, she is being truly unfair. She must just not "get it". I think Emily would be very upset at the difference between a Wii and a jewelry box. She is a teenager. She will know that Jeremy is "the favorite". Maybe your mother could get Emily a pretty necklace to put inside the jewlery box? I think even if she spent $50-100 more the difference would not be so appearent.

N&G 5_26_07 · December 2008

I would have been hurt about this situation. That is unfair - I don't think you need to spend the same amount to the penny on each child, but they should be comparable. That is insensitive and kinda mean.

As for your brother - as an adult, I think he should understand your point-of-view. How would he feel if the situation was reversed?

KEW0323 · December 2008

This angers me! I have a ss and always try hard to make sure things are just as fair for him as they are my 2 bio. kids. My SS would be hurt s bad if he was in the same situation as you SD. Your mom is definitely wrong and I'm glad you called her out. That is a huge difference and there is no justifying it.

I hope your Mom gets it before Christmas, for everyone's sake.

zeesbride · December 2008

As a "step-kid" I can say that your mom is being the douche for sure! Many a time did I dpend a Christmas at my dads house when my step mom's mother gave my brothers SUPER expensive stuff, while I got random crap. I came into the family when I was 5 and knew everyone well. I would have appriciated someone saying something, though no one did. I think its great that you are forcing your mom to see the err in her ways. I hope both your mom and brother can understand where u are coming from. GL!

pnwjess · December 2008

I would have been furious. Obviously, your mother does not understand how completely unfair this will look to your stepdaughter. You are definitely not in the wrong! My mom and grandparents have always been very conscious of how much they spend on each kid- it is important! I don't know what to tell you, but your brother should understand this as well, being a step-parent himself.

*KC*luvs*RJ* · December 2008

You are perfectly in the right. That's a huge difference in gifts and kids will definitely notice! Plus, if they're both step grandchildren I don't understand her comment....it's clearly treating the two kids differently and for kids that's really hurtful!

*KC*luvs*RJ* · December 2008

FutureHernandez:
I explained it to her how this was unfair. She got upset and really sarcastically said, I'll give her a $200 gift certificate to the Limited Two.

I even called my dad to talk to him and he agreed with me.

What is up with her then? You dad understand the situation!

Emie28 · December 2008

I agree that she will definitely know there is favoritism going on. My grandma used to get my older sister (her favorite grandchild) something really big and expensive every year and something really cheap for me.

I remember specifically one year she got a $125ish Barbie mansion, a Barbie Corvette and 2 Barbies to go with it. I got one, yes one, generic barbie (yeah not even the real thing). I remember my sister opened her presents first and then I opened mine and I had to thank my grandma without crying. My mom found me crying in my bedroom. After that she confronted my grandma and said that she would not allow her to give any of us gifts at all if it wasn't done fairly.

I hope that your situation works out because that sort of thing really has an effect on a kid.

FutureHernandez · December 2008

I called my brother and he didn't answer. I text him and he said just to forget and let it go. I guess he doesn't want to talk to me.

I don't think we are going over the 25th.

I am not sure if it's the pregnancy hormones talking but I'm willing to let this cause a rift in my relationship with my mother. It's sad because we are best friends but no one fncks with my family.

WinsyWade · December 2008

FutureHernandez:

I called my brother and he didn't answer. I text him and he said just to forget and let it go. I guess he doesn't want to talk to me.

Wow. I am picturing your brother with a big "I win" smile on his face; happy that his son is prefered and gets an expensive gift (that he may or may not be able to afford). It makes me so sad that he can not talk to you about it and doesn't seem to even care.

I agree with the pp that said "tell grandma that she can not give any gifts unless they are given fairly". Of couse this won't work unless your brother would get on your side.

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