Trying again

TimesInfinity9 · June 2013

Are you/did you try again soon after your loss?

We are only about 2.5 weeks after our loss right now and wanted to give it a few weeks before discussing this so we can make sure we weren't doing something we aren't ready for just because we desperately want our baby back. I hope to have that discussion in the next week so that we know where we both stand and what we are each thinking and feeling.

Did you try again right away once your doctor said it was ok (however long that was in your situation) or did you need more time to grieve before you could think about trying for another baby? Was your decision right for you or did you regret it or second guess yourself? Were you both on the same page or were there differing opinions?

angelsnight · June 2013

We lost our daughter at 22 weeks. We had to wait a minimum of 6 weeks before we could have sex again. My doctor recommended we wait at least 6 months to a year to heal emotionally, but she said of course some people are ready way before that. MH and I are both 34 and we've been trying for two years, so we didn't want to wait.

I gave birth on March 24th and I got my first PP period on May 9th and we started trying that cycle. I am in the 2ww now....I think we are mostly ready. Of course there are moments when I am not 100% sure we are ready to be trying, but I guess you could say I am more ready than I am not ready. MH was ready to try again the very next week, which concerned me some, but at least we're on the same page.

I've heard, and it seems true to me, that you're ready when your excitement over trying outweighs your fear. The fear will never go away, but I was very excited to get a positive OPK and the 2ww is killing me so I think I am ready.

shandorfml2 · June 2013

I wanted to get pregnant as soon as she was born. I thought I knew it wouldn't replace her, but time has shown me in those early weeks I was trying to do just that. I had to wait 6 weeks to have sex as well until my PP appointment. She said we could try right away, so we did. It took 11 weeks for AF to return, and it turns out that was a good thing for us. It allowed us to fully grieve her, and bury her. The day after we buried her, AF returned. Made sense. We are now actively TTC and I'm waiting to ovulate. I found the more time has passed, the more I am healed and ready for another baby.

hhudson92 · June 2013

siggy warning

We decided to try right away when we were cleared. My doctor recommended to wait 2 to 3 months to heal emotionally. We were also dealing with infertility so we knew it would take some time. I think most people say that when the desire to have another child outweighs the fear of losing another child is a good indication of knowing you are ready. I agree with that also. Good luck and I'm so sorry for your loss.

PerkyErky · June 2013

I wanted to be pregnant again right away. I felt empty and wanted my baby. But a new baby would never replace our daughter. This is our first cycle trying again, just waiting for af to leave. It took 67 days for my period to return and it has been time needed to heal and adjust. I find the thought of ttc again bittersweet. I want the hope of a new baby, but it hurts knowing it won't be our daughter that we get. Good luck and take as much time as you need.

OSUWifey09 · June 2013

***SIGGY WARNING/PG MENTIONED***

My OB said we could start trying when I was emotionally ready, but we had to wait three months because of a shot I'd gotten at the hospital before being discharged. During that time, I was obsessed with charting and swimming in grief, so my cycles were all over the place. We tried in December, and I was borderline devastated when we got a BFN.

That's when I decided to spend 2013 focusing on me. I lost 10 pounds, went on BC to regulate my cycles, and went into counseling. I really wanted to make sure that I was getting pregnant to expand our family, not to replace the baby we lost. It took months to come to terms with Devon's loss and how much it had affected me, and I'm glad I took that time to get back into shape, to find myself and to really heal. We started trying again last month, nine months after losing Devon, and it just took the one cycle for us.

H was ready to start trying again months ago, but he wanted me to have my time to heal. I'm glad I took it, because I definitely needed it. I'm not sure I would've been in the right headspace for another baby if we'd gotten pregnant in December - that would've been much too soon. May was the first month I truly felt like I was ready. I know that will be different for everyone; I think you'll know when you are truly ready to move forward with trying again.

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · June 2013

**Siggy Warning***

My doc said whenever we were ready. A few days after everything happened, DH and I both said a year. We wanted time to grieve and also wanted some separation between children. Ironically we left on vacation on Corbin's first birthday (it was a cruise so we didn't pick it, just happened that way). We started trying on the trip. I'm glad we waited and don't regret our decision at all. It gave us a chance to do some things we wanted to do before having children (like the once-in-a-lifetime cruise and buying our next house)

Heatherhah · June 2013

I knew the minute we lost DD that we needed to get pregnant again. I wasn't replacing her by any means she is not replaceable!!' We started trying 3 months after we lost her I had a c section with her and my doctor said I would be healed after 8 wks but to give myself one more month to heal. We didn't get pregnant until 6 months after our loss. Our Rainbow was born 14 months after we lost DD2. It is a tough things to be pregnant after losing a baby it really is but it is so worth it when you have great support behind you which I did. Like previous poster said" I think most people say that when the desire to have another child outweighs the fear of losing another child is a good indication of knowing you are ready". These words are very very true!! Good luck to everyone trying and if you need any support from a loss mom who has been there I am here!! Heather

Williamandshawnna · June 2013

***SIGGY WARNING***

Our doctors asked us out thoughts, and after previously discussing it with our therapist, we had already decided to wait 6 months. The doctors agreed, and had no concerns with our plan. We were both on the same page, we needed time to grieve, and to attend therapy. In the end it was 9 months to the day when we had our IVF embryo transfer.

Cranang · June 2013

**siggy warning**

Celeste was stillborn on October 31, 2010. Sabrina was born October 27, 2011.

We just jumped back in. I couldn't sit around and think about it too much, or I probably would've freaked myself out of ever getting pregnant again, if that makes sense. I knew I wanted a child, but I was scared to death of going through that sort of emotional pain again. If I overthought it, I'm afraid the fear would've fully settled in and I would've opted to never get pregnant again. And while I was one big anxiety machine throughout my second pregnancy, at least it gave me something to focus on. I grieved so much for my Celeste, but it was nice to have the "distraction" of being pregnant again. There was always the next appt to look forward to, the next ultrasound, etc. It kept me from completely breaking down over Celeste every moment of everyday, which is what I probably would've been doing. And as crazy as it sounds, I always felt like Celeste was looking out for me and rooting me on for her sister. I would talk to Celeste about the pregnancy, and say "Oh, I just felt your sister kick!!" I still think the two of them met at some point and they knew they were sisters. I know, I sound crazy, and maybe it's just a coping mechanism. But it gets me through the day.

weddedwife · June 2013

We were told to wait "a few cycles". Once I had 2 cycles we decided to wait one more, and it took us 2 cycles to get pg. A few things fueled our decision: I turned 35 a few months after Nathaniel died. Also, I knew the fear would be there whether I waited 2 months or 2 years.

The fear is still there, even after our rainbow is here. My rainbow pg was super hairy and we almost lost her too- I was prepared for scary but I had no idea how scary it would get. Still, the pregnancy was a distraction from grief. It doesn't make the grief go away though- it just complicates it. It's like the loss itself- you can't help but second guess yourselves sometimes. That doesn't mean the timing isn't right. I don't know that there's a "right" time for a pg after a late loss.

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