- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Stay at Home Moms
brachysira
member
do you have heated discussions in front of your kids?
brachysira
member
So I have a 5 month old. DH and I like to debate on occasion, and it works for us. For instance, I was watching "I'm pregnant and so is my teen" and the parent is like, "I don't know where we went wrong--I watched her take her birth control every day" and I'm like "putting your teen on birth control is where you went wrong, lady." And my DH is like, "no, you have to address the problems when they come up." And so we proceed to discuss it, without insulting each other, but by saying things like "your solution is so rigid" etc. I don't know if all she hears are elevated voices and this is messing her up, or if it's good for her to listen to us talk...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: do you have heated discussions in front of your kids?
Huh, interesting to think about... Our DD is 15 months, and we regularly argue or debate topics in front of her. She's very aware of how DH and I act towards one another. When we're laughing, she'll start laughing too, and when we're goofing off together (kissing/tickling on the couch, dancing in the kitchen, etc) she's all smiles and wants to get involved. When we raise our voices and our facial expressions show that we're concerned or angry, she makes worried noises and demands to be held. When she expresses this kind of anxiety, we'll make a point of brightening our faces, giving her kisses, and reassuring her, and we'll sometimes end the discussion at that point (to be picked up later, or not), depending on the scenerio.
I think a lot of fighting in an overall unhealthy relationship can be destructive for a young child, but the normal heated discussions that take place within a healthy, loving, relationship won't "mess up" your LO. As she gets older, it will become more important for you to demonstrate to her how to properly express your feelings when feeling frustrated, angry, etc, but generally I'd say you're fine
We do have discussions, and even argue in front of our kids. It might not be pleasant, but it's part of real life and I don't want to shelter that from them. We try our best to "fight fair".
I don't think you need to worry too much about a 5 month old absorbing stuff yet
We have... what I guess you would call emotional? discussions all the time. Not that we're heated at each other, but I in particular get really emotional when I discuss certain things. Think raised voice, arms flailing, etc. I often think what kind of impression DS gets from this. I hope he doesn't think *we're* fighting, but I guess he'll just be used to it. I don't think it's bad behavior to model.
*My Blog*
10/50 Read
my read shelf:
Yeah, I'm in favor of young women having access to birth control. It just seems really wrong to demand your daughter take it. I mean, if you can't trust her to even take her birth control, you shouldn't be leaving her unsupervised with her boyfriend if you can at all help it. My general view is that as parents, you take your daughter to the doctor, talk to her about birth control, but don't approve of/allow her to have sex when she is 16. If you think she is, you talk to her again (both about safety and your expectations), provide more supervision, and help her find other things to do. When you tell your daughter she has to be on birth control and that you don't trust her to take it, especially if you're not sure she's having sex, you're telling her you expect that she'll have sex and you don't trust her at all to handle her sexual decision-making. I think that sends the message that to your daughter that she doesn't have the value to not have sex with high school boys and she doesn't have the competence to make decisions for herself. Instead I want to give the message that I trust her and that she is competent yet covertly provide the supervision, education, and sexual health access for her to make that decision if she does.
I agree with this
I completely agree with you!
??? That's heated? Yes, my kids have seen me get mad at DH, probably way too often. Not great, but I'm working on it.
DH's parents *never* fought or disagreed in front of him and his siblings. I don't think that's a healthy way to be raised, either. Disagreement is part of being in a relationship, and being able to show kids healthy ways of dealing with them is a good thing.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
This. My husband is a lawyer... we debate a lot.
Ditto.
DH and I debate often in front of the kids. We don't argue in front of them very often, at least not seriously. I think it's beneficial to the kids to hear us have these discussions, because its models how to voice an opinion without being mean, and listening to the other persons point of view.