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Alwin · June 2013

fiddlefern · June 2013

It sounds like it is going to be a really difficult Christmas for your mom (and you I'm sure). I would stay with her and see if you can do something with your fiance's family the weekend before or after Christmas. They should understand.

CaitS07 · June 2013

I think it'd be unfair to your future husband's family to not go. I run into this with my H's family and we try to split it up evenly. They've come the distance the past 2 years and now it's your turn.

Invite your mom to come and if she declines, then she declines.

Mytaras · June 2013

I would stay with your mom this Christmas. It sounds like she needs you more than MIL. Also I'm sure your DH and his family will understand due to circumstances. Good luck!

kris10bishop · June 2013

That's really tough, and I'm sorry you're in this situation. Does your mom have other family in town that she could spend Christmas with? Maybe you could spend Thanksgiving and New Years with her and Christmas with your fiance's family?

If not, I would probably try to explain the situation to my future in-laws. Surely they would understand what an incredibly difficult time Christmas is going to be for your mother and how she doesn't need to spend it alone.

kbcrawford11 · June 2013

Seems like a ways to go with a newborn. I'd say you have a great excuse to stay home this year and make plans to go next year. They should be understanding I think.

HerbanMom · June 2013

Personally, if it consists of traveling with a newborn I wouldn't do it. Everyone should be a bit understanding of the fact that it isn't easy, especially in the beginning. We had to do a 6 hour car ride when DS1 was 2 weeks old because of hurricane evacuation. Unless it's an emergency circumstance, I will never do it again.

Alwin · June 2013

Well when I said as a FTM I don't see chance driving with a 2 week old for 12 hours, she said did it so I can too!!!

kris10bishop · June 2013

HerbanMom:
Personally, if it consists of traveling with a newborn I wouldn't do it. Everyone should be a bit understanding of the fact that it isn't easy, especially in the beginning. We had to do a 6 hour car ride when DS1 was 2 weeks old because of hurricane evacuation. Unless it's an emergency circumstance, I will never do it again.

I love that you immediately realized that traveling with a newborn that early on would a problem ... As a FTM, I hadn't even thought of that.

Mailmans Baby Momma · June 2013

People will say anything to get their way. I sure as hell wouldn't travel that far with a newborn and leave my momma all alone on Christmas. Stay home again this year and travel next year.

MsCrispy · June 2013

Alwin:
Well when I said as a FTM I don't see chance driving with a 2 week old for 12 hours, she said did it so I can too!!!

Just because she made that choice, doesn't mean you do. If you are comfortable traveling, I think it is fine, but don't let this be the reason.

If you are comfortable driving, then maybe you could compromise and go for the weekend before and drive back on Christmas Eve or Christmas. Then spend the next ewekend with your mom. Christmas is on a Wednesday this year, so splitting the week and weekends on each side would make sense.

Newborns actually travel quite well, much easier than a toddler since they sleep a lot. You will have to stop a lot to feed the baby, especially if you are BFing. The reason I would not want to travel is due to my own health. I bled for over 6 weeks, not heavily, but still happening and didn't make me want to go far from home. Also, your risk of blood clots post pardem is still higher than normal as well. So if you go, make sure to stretch your legs when you stop.

jaymayhatton · June 2013

kbcrawford11:
Seems like a ways to go with a newborn. I'd say you have a great excuse to stay home this year and make plans to go next year. They should be understanding I think.

I was thinking the same thing! Plus you might still be recovering. It would be a hard trip for you and your baby. I think it is a great excuse to stay at home this year!

Alwin · June 2013

I hope I haven't given anyone the wrong impression but my father ended his life last year may and I wanted to spend the first Christmas with my mom as I'm an only child.

I don't mind traveling but I don't know what to expect and will be breast feeding.

This is about the grandchildren for his family, and his sister is having her first 3 weeks before me and feel if its about grandchildren that she will have one on Christmas and I can spend with my mom on Christmas.

Zilly13 · June 2013

Personally, there is no way I would be traveling 12 hours with a 1mo old. Even flying - I wouldn't feel comfortable taking them on an airplane. I understand your MIL wanting to see you guys, but I would politely let them know that it's too far for you to go this year. If you have to, I would even say that you've discussed the issue with your OB and the baby's future pedi and that they advise against it (even if you have to fudge on this).

hollowway · June 2013

We already old our families that we will ntt be traveling with a newborn for the holidays. They can come to us.

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · June 2013

I would not be traveling 12 hours with a newborn. Add that you're breastfeeding and diaper changes etc. and your 12 hour trip is more like 18. Everyone should be understanding of that. My family is 3-4 hours away. We already said we weren't coming up for Christmas and everyone understands. You need to do what's best for your child and your family.

Zilly13 · June 2013

MsCrispy:
Alwin:
Well when I said as a FTM I don't see chance driving with a 2 week old for 12 hours, she said did it so I can too!!!
Just because she made that choice, doesn't mean you do. If you are comfortable traveling, I think it is fine, but don't let this be the reason.
If you are comfortable driving, then maybe you could compromise and go for the weekend before and drive back on Christmas Eve or Christmas. Then spend the next ewekend with your mom. Christmas is on a Wednesday this year, so splitting the week and weekends on each side would make sense.
Newborns actually travel quite well, much easier than a toddler since they sleep a lot. You will have to stop a lot to feed the baby, especially if you are BFing. The reason I would not want to travel is due to my own health. I bled for over 6 weeks, not heavily, but still happening and didn't make me want to go far from home. Also, your risk of blood clots post pardem is still higher than normal as well. So if you go, make sure to stretch your legs when you stop.

Not all newborns travel well. My DD despised the car right from the start. At 4 weeks even going to the doctors office down the street was a nightmare. There is absolutely no way we could have EVER made a 12 hour trip by car. OP, I would highly advise you not to commit to any plans until after the baby and you can determine the baby's temprament and your health. Otherwise you could be in for a terrible, terrible trip.

babymama619 · June 2013

I'm mobile do I can't see how far you are if you have a ticker up. I'm due the 18th of November and I WILL NOT travel for Xmas. My bbfs wedding shower is 5 hours away and in dec. and I won't be going to that either. The is no way if travel 12 hrs with a newborn.

HerbanMom · June 2013

Alwin:
Well when I said as a FTM I don't see chance driving with a 2 week old for 12 hours, she said did it so I can too!!!

Doesn't sound like much compromise on her part if you ask me.

LuClo · June 2013

I would sit down with DH and hash out a long-term holiday plan now. It sounds like things have been scattered the last few years (understandably so) but it's only going to get worse as the years go by. I get the IL's feeling hurt if you do Christmas with your mom 3 years in a row. Use the new baby as an opportunity to re-evaluate and come up with a plan that works for your family, not grandparents/inlaws.

The usual options are: the Thanksgiving/Christmas split, alternating years, one family does 'Christmas' on a different day, or screw you all we're staying home and if you want to see us we'll be here. Go over it with DH, realize that you both have to compromise, and try to be fair. No matter what you choose, some family members will have their feelings hurt and think you're being bitchy. But stick to your guns for a few years and they'll come around.

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · June 2013

LuClo:
I would sit down with DH and hash out a long-term holiday plan now. It sounds like things have been scattered the last few years (understandably so) but it's only going to get worse as the years go by. I get the IL's feeling hurt if you do Christmas with your mom 3 years in a row. Use the new baby as an opportunity to re-evaluate and come up with a plan that works for your family, not grandparents/inlaws.
The usual options are: the Thanksgiving/Christmas split, alternating years, one family does 'Christmas' on a different day, or screw you all we're staying home and if you want to see us we'll be here. Go over it with DH, realize that you both have to compromise, and try to be fair. No matter what you choose, some family members will have their feelings hurt and think you're being bitchy. But stick to your guns for a few years and they'll come around.

This. DH and I have done this for years. DH's family is local. Mine is 3-4 hours away. We do thanksgiving with one family and Christmas with the other and then flip the next year. as much as we can. DH works IT for a retail store so last year we ended up staying here for Thanksgiving when we should have gone to my family's but he worked for 50+ hours straight so we didn't go. We didn't change Christmas because of it. My family understood. Everyone needs to be flexible as traditions change as families change.

dobrydney · June 2013

DH and I were just having a similar conversation in the car last night. My family is about 3 hours away, and so are his parents, but most of his extended family which we usually visit for Christmas are more like 5-6 hours away depending on traffic. DH and I agreed that we aren't committing to anything. I'm due 11/26 so I will very well have a less than a month old baby as a FTM who wants to breastfeed even 5 or 6 hours sounds like a nightmare! Not to mention, as PPs said...you may still be recovering yourself....

SamanthaPo · June 2013

I am 3 to 3.5 hours from my family and SO is 10 minutes from his. I told him this year we are not leaving the house period (to keep it fair to everyone). We plan to let everyone know that they are more than welcome to come to our home for the holidays and we will provide the main course and they can bring extra food.

OP I would not be traveling with a newborn, for my comfort and the baby's comfort. I would make it a point to have an open door for the holidays this year, especially with your LO being born right before the holiday season.

Heather91011 · June 2013

First I would like to say I am very sorry to hear about your father.

I would really talk it over the pros and cons with your fianc and go from there. Maybe suggest hosting Christmas at your home this year for your little ones first Christmas and suggest traveling next Christmas when little one is a little older.

CaitS07 · June 2013

Sing2phins:
CaitS07:
I think it'd be unfair to your future husband's family to not go. I run into this with my H's family and we try to split it up evenly. They've come the distance the past 2 years and now it's your turn.
Invite your mom to come and if she declines, then she declines.
I might ordinarily agree with you, but I'm not sure I'd want to travel 12 hours with a very young infant so soon after giving birth. She doesn't say and doesn't have a ticker, so I'm not sure when she's due, but at best, she'd be 7 or so weeks postpartum by Christmas. 12 hours is a long way with a tiny baby - if you drive, you'll have to stop every two to three hours for feedings and changings. That's a long-a** drive. Flying would probably also be a gigantic headache.

I don't disagree with the traveling at all. We are staying here and family is coming to us. I have a very different view from everyone on this board apparently. My family all lives local and we see them on a very regular basis. DH gets 2-3 visits a year and we have to spread those between mother/father/sister. I feel for him and try to make holidays easier.

As time goes on, if you don't make compromises regardless of situations (my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer last year and none of us knew if would be his last and we traveled to be with DH's family - I was torn up about it but with all the time we spend with my family every week, we decided to delay our Christmas for the week after since we hadn't seen my ILs since March of that year. FWIW H left the decision up to me because of how hard of one it was) things start to build up.

3Dewdrops · June 2013

I would tell them not to count on it and then make the decision when the time came.

People always say newborns travel easy. Some do. My 1st was the best traveler ever. She slept almost the entire 14 hr trip we took her on at 6 weeks. My 2nd however, UGH, the three hour trip we made was so terrible my DH refused to travel with her for over a year. I think we stopped about every half hour and it took us at least twice as long to get there. She screamed and screamed the entire time she was in her carseat.

Since you don't know how your baby is, nor how you will feel with your recovery, or if bfing if that will be comfortable for you, I'd recommend making no definite plans of going.

If my MIL commented that she traveled with the newborn so you could too I'd flat out refuse on principle alone.

Chargersgrl33 · June 2013

HerbanMom:
Personally, if it consists of traveling with a newborn I wouldn't do it. Everyone should be a bit understanding of the fact that it isn't easy, especially in the beginning. We had to do a 6 hour car ride when DS1 was 2 weeks old because of hurricane evacuation. Unless it's an emergency circumstance, I will never do it again.

This is what I'm thinking. With a newborn you don't want to take a 12 he car ride. It will turn into 16 because you will be stopping every 23 hours to feed and change baby.

Rharold · June 2013

Ask them all to come to you, you have a new baby and don't feel up to the trip, it's the one time in your life you can pull the new mommy card, use it :

[Deleted User] · June 2013

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Alwin · June 2013

Thanks for everyone's feedback, think I will sit with DH and have a chat and see what he says! Really appreciate everyone's views and comments!

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