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I need advice/ suggestions...

diana_3481diana_3481 member
in Blended Families

I am not a blended family but I do have a 14 year old.  Her father and I have been divorced for 12 years.  I have physical custody and he has vistitaion.  He lives in the next town over.  He can basically taker her whenever he wants, just needs to ask.  No problems there.  No fighting.  He has pretty much stuck to every other weekend and thats it.  He sometimes asks to pick her up if there is a birthday or event he wants to bring her to during the week but its mainly every other weekend.  He picks her up at home on Fridays after work and drops her off at her volunteer job on Sundays (9am)..I pick her up from there and bring her home (about 11).

Now to where I need advice.  She was accepted to a high school in another county, so we are moving.  He is on board with this since its a good oppurtunity for her.  We are moving an hour away.  We are moving to Town A, he lives in Town B and I work in Town C.  Towns  A, B and C are all an hour from each other.  I still have my hour commute and where we are moving is an hour away from where he lives. (Who's on first?)

Originally I thought I could do one way, he could do the other. But then I got to thinking...If i dropped off, that would be an hour home, an hour to drop her off, then an hour home again (3 hours on a Friday ngith in traffic)  He would have 2 hours. to go both ways.

I want to suggest we just meet Saturday morning halfway instead and he keeps her till later on Sundays (after dinner maybe) so neither of us have to drive in Friday night traffic.  That way we both have maybe 1.5 hours instead of 2?

Is this fair?  Can anyone think of other suggestions?  Its the only thing i could come up with so far.  She is 14 and going into high school, I want to keep her visitations up with him as much as possible.  Pretty soon she will choose to hang out with friends and do other things than hang out with either of us lol.

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Re: I need advice/ suggestions...

  • Ginlyn0Ginlyn0 member

    I think the "fair" thing to do is meet at a location in the middle between his house and yours. Your work commute shouldn't factor in.

    ETA: I don't think his time should be reduced because of your communte so the days should stay the same, perhaps the times adjusted slightly to that the communte doesn't interfere. Say 8pm Fri-8pm Sun instead of 6pm Fri-6pm Sun, for example.

    DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

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  • Lavender PLavender P member
    Can he pick her up on Friday night straight from work? This way it is an hour for him to get her then an hour home. Then maybe you could pick her up on Sunday from his house, which I think would be an hour each way. I don't think it is a bad idea to meet half way on Saturday, but then you run the risk of having to wait on each other if someone is late.
    I think it is great that you guys can work things out and are trying to accommodate each other.
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member
    This is fair. that's what XH and I do on his weekends and he lives 90 minutes away.
    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • bebe11bebe11 member
    If he picked her up at your new house, it is still 1 hour drive from him, just in a different direction?  If that is the case why would you need to change the pick up days? 

     

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  • diana_3481diana_3481 member

    No, we currently live in neighboring towns, about 10 minutes from each other.  Our daughter and I are moving so she can go to this school which is an hour East.  I work an hour North.  Points A, B and C are all an hour from each other in opposite directions.  i am moving closer to the big city so traffic is a huge problem on a Friday night.

    Him and i will figure it out and come to an agreement, i have no doubt.  I was just wondering if there were other options out there other than changing it from Sat-Sun evening.

    Thank you all. 

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