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Blended Families
Pamelacake
member
Oldest SD & FB Vent So Ridiculous!!
Pamelacake
member
So let me start by saying that I do not put negative things on my fb at all. I share a lot of pictures of the kids and some quotes.
I put a status on FB 2 days ago saying exactly this: This momma needs a vacations.... I can't get 5 minutes of silence!
I just found out last night that "I was talking about my SD's and I don't want to be here for them all day everyday like I am anymore" That's what someone got from that status!
My husband doesn't have FB.. he hates it.. he thinks it's a bunch of drama and now I see why. BC that's what DH's family makes it out to be. DH's uncle came to visit last night and he always tells DH what he is hearing from other family members. I am not allowed to confront this situation bc they will know how we heard it and the uncle will not get anymore info.
I know this seems extremely petty but I am p!ssed! When I do put a status on there it's about something that the kids are doing or how I am proud of them for doing something. I just don't see how that status could be twisted so much.. Can I not joke about having a vacation.. I mean really.
I also don't see how it was just about my SD's.. I have two kids and 2 SS's plus I have 3 extra kids here because they don't want to go home.
As far as where this rumor originated from... it was one of three ppl.. and I'm pretty sure I know exactly which one it was.. my oldest SD who just moved out and in with her BF. Things aren't going as well as she planned and doesn't want to tell DH bc doesn't want him to be right about the whole moving out in the first place, as she has only been gone a little about 2 weeks. We wanted SD to stay at least until she finished HS. Since SD has moved in with BF when she turned 18 BF has quit his job because it was too many hours!!! And SD is seeing that BF has no intentions on trying to find another. Oldest SD played the mom role before I came along.. even when BM #2 was still here. So she would be the one to put the focus on youngest SD's from that status. Oldest SD was nothing but mean to youngest SD's when she thought no one could hear.
Oldest SD moved in with my MIL for a month at the beginning of the year bc it was just so horrible here. She was crying to come back within a month. But while SD was gone... She pulled the same crap... DH and I almost split up over it. SD told DH that I was flirting with someone.. I got woke up at 1am with DH (not married yet at the time) really upset with me over a picture comment on FB and it was turned into me flirting and having an affair with someone!... I hadn't even seen the comment so how was that flirting when I obviously hadn't responded. SD never admitted it was her but I guessed her first and DH told me it was.
when DH got that phone call he was told to watch me closely because I have a thing going on with so and so. It was ridiculous.
So I know it was her. SD wants to cause problems for DH and I just like the last time she moved out so she will be needed to come back to care for the younger kids. There was no need for that.. DH was hoping SD would want to come back and was so happy when she did.. Right before she turned 18 it was nothing but drama. SD asked youngest SD's if she could give them a bunch of make up.. I said no bc the colors were black, blue and purple eyeshadow, black eyeliners dark blush... things like that. They have plenty of play make up and light pink colors from the mary kate and Ashley... age appropriate.. you can barely see it on them but they love playing with it. SD18 gave it to them anyways after hearing me say no. She did things like this for about a week before moving.
I didn't delete her from FB.. I think it's petty.. I don't go to her page to spy on her.. I didn't do that when she lived here. I figured if she wanted to talk to me about something then she would. And she usually did.
My page is set to private but anyone on my page can clearly see that my time and love are for the kids.. all of them but it's mostly my 2 youngest SD's that are in the pictures and things because they are with me full time. The boys often go with DH or are out back in the game room.
Sorry for the long rant... I am just really upset about this.
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Oldest SD & FB Vent So Ridiculous!!
I think you and DH need to work on being on the same page relating to the oldest SD. It seems like she is constantly undermining you and trying to divide and conquer between you and DH. She may not need to listen to you as she is an adult but your DH needs to step in if she is deliberately disobeying relating to the younger SDs. He needs to make it clear that you are an adult and to be treated with respect. If my SS told my DH I was cheating on him, he wouldn't have given it a second thought but would make it clear to SS that our relationship is not his business. We are grown ups and can handle it ourselves.
There was a whole conversation under the post and there was nothing about the girls being bad or anything. They were actually playing nice and being very good. lots of LOL's and all of that with different people commenting, mostly other moms and we were talking about where we would go on our" imaginary vacations " I even showed DH the post before I deleted it last night. DH also has full access to my FB account and can login any time he wants. my notifications and messages are sent to his phone as well.. that was my choice to do that b/c of what SD tried to start last time.. He has logged out of my fb on his phone but I gave him my password as well. I want him to know for sure with his whole heart that I have no intentions on leaving him and I have never given DH any reason to think I would.
DH and I did handle it.. but yeah.. at first he was super upset b/c he didn't think SD would lie to him about something like that and she was truly concerned for him. That wasn't the case at all. The picture comment on my FB was on a pic of me and a few of the kids together. someone commented that my eyes were really pretty in the pic and that means I'm having an affair. haha. It was all so petty. I think it's very tasteless when I see SD's pics pop up on my home page with her shirt pulled down so her cleavage hangs out but I don't say anything to anyone about it, including DH b/c there's nothing he could do about it, even before SD turned 18. It would have just upset him.
The only reason we almost separated over it was b/c DH has been trying to be with me since we were kids. DH feels that I will leave and that he doesn't deserve me.. I don't make him feel like this. We have a really good relationship. DH feels that I am only here for the kids. His anxieties about this have subsided a bit but back then were very high and it started a fight. The only fight we have ever had!
When SD was here she didn't respect me. She talked to me when she wanted something extra b/c she knew if I asked DH he would comply. I knew this from the beginning and went along with it at first.. SD didn't talk to me so much when I told her she should ask herself and I wasn't rude about it or anything.
DH and SD aren't even on speaking terms right now but she is telling ppl that she knows will tell DH that she wants to come back home. First it was at the end of summer, then she told everyone that she was kicked out which wasn't true.. DH and I wanted her to stay to finish HS at least.. We even bought her a car but she didn't care. Now she is saying she wants to come home bc boyfriend promised to work and support her but SD quickly realized that's not what is going on.
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
I thought about doing that .. I ultimately ended up doing that the last time SD moved and then in the end I was the bad guy. Anytime anything happens DH's family blames me and I really don't understand it because we all used to be so close, my now MIL has always wanted us together, until we actually got together. Makes no sense to me.
I think SD just wants to make it look like I can't handle SD's. I haven't had an issue since I have been involved so I just don't understand it. Probably never will =/
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
It seems that you respond to any drama that your sd may taunt you with. Just stop.
And using an uncle to collect gossip? Seriously?!? Just stop that already. There's no need to collect and/or confront those involved. Be an adult about it.
I don't respond to the drama and the drama wasn't on fb, it was brought to my doorstep. I don't use anyone to collect gossip. DH's uncle came over to let DH know what was supposedly being said on my FB. I Showed him that they were false informed. When someone brings drama to my fb I block them. that's it. I don't feed into it. I was on the fence about doing this with SD but I did it anyways.
And yes... there is a need to confront when she is saying that I am saying these things about youngest SD's when she has no idea what she is talking about. She won't be confronted bc as I said previously, SD and DH aren't on speaking terms. That's why she is trying to start stuff. I took care of it after thinking about it all day. She's not on there anymore. I'm sorry you feel I wasn't being an adult about it but if I weren't, I would have called her out last night when it was brought to me.
Thank you for your input but maybe you should have actually read the post.
ETA: before replying.
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
Are you going to start making it a habit to comment on things that you don't read fully or purposely misinterpret? It was bad enough when you started commenting on Wendi's post after knowing nothing about her. Either add value or go away.
ooh.. this is the one that was attacking her. makes sense.
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
So you don't respond to drama, but the uncle came over for the sole purpose being to give you the 411 on what was being said about your fb status? Sure, that makes sense. Why not tell him you're not interested in hearing what's being said? Why would you be concerned if he stops bringing you the lowdown on what's being said about you? Oh because you love the drama?
You say one thing, and in the next post you contradict yourself.
My SD posts things too to tick me off and bait me. She's accused me of cheating on her father and called me a troll. PLEASE take my advice and ignore it. It makes me hopping mad some days, but it really is best to just let it go. Don't respond to it. By responding to it in anyway tells them that they got to you and they LOVE that. They win.
Consider this - if you live a respectable life, and are a respectable, decent person...then no one will believe the lies and attempted character assassinations. If they choose to believe them - they're trash too.
So when someone brings it to your doorstep - "Hmmm. that's strange. I don't recall posting anything remotely like that on FB. Are you sure they meant me? Strange..." and then change the subject like you truly aren't concerned about it at all. Or don't even address it all. Tell the person bringing you the drama "Thank you for telling me." and then change the subject. If they press the issue, say "I"m sorry, I really do appreciate your telling me, but I'd rather discuss it with them only. Thank you tho." And then change the subject. If someone keeps pressing, keep repeating yourself. People eventually will get the idea.
Lesson about Drama Queens: Give them NO reaction. None. Even if it's a lie or an over exaggeration. What will happen is they will step up their game and try all kinds of tactics to create drama and stir it up - especially if they get a reaction of any kind from you before. You ignore it.
If you don't want to unfriend, hide them from your facebook and block what they can view of your posts. You'll soon forget them.
If you can't do that - get off of facebook for awhile.
The uncle comes over for the sole purpose of seeing his nephew, my DH which he does at least 3 times a week. The uncle does not come over "for the sole purpose to give anyone the lowdown" Not that I feel like explaining anything to YOU in particular bc obviously you are a drama llama But DH's uncle stays in touch with my oldest SD and even though SD does and says things... that doesn't mean we care any less. DH is extremely worried about her. But you wouldn't care about that part of this post anyways. DH's uncle didn't tell me anything. DH told me.
This board is for blended families... I am very protective of my youngest SD's bc of what they have and are going through, another thing you wouldn't care about. I came here to vent like a lot of ppl do to avoid drama. You need to grow up, doll.
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
Thank you.. I just ended up just taking her off. Like I said I usually only post pics of the kids and quotes.. the vacation thing was a joke and anyone who knows me knows that we are not in a financial situation where we could take a vacation. I just figured it wouldn't stop so I removed her from my fb.
Thanks Again for your advice.
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
Well at least you didn't say you wanted to punch your kids in the face. Nor do I hthink you ever would, but it gives you an idea what I'm dealing with.
That's what my XSD said once about her stepkids on FB. She's 23, has a 2 year old and 4 step kids. All boys. One only 7-8 years younger than her. Now, I really don't believe she would punch them, but I know she's thrown a birthday cake at the second oldest because she was so mad at him. But whatever...that's why i don't rise to her bait anymore. She shouldn't say half the things she does on facebook nor should she half the the things that actually come out of her mouth.
Not. Worth. My. Time. Nor is anyone else who wants to believe an ounce of what she claims about me.
I pray and hope your SD is not like mine.
Oh wow... I read through your previous post again as well.. and that's just horrible. I don't think SD's that bad.. She just turned 18 but she does like to play people against each other to get what she wants. I haven't spoken with SD and probably won't B/C it's super petty and was seriously twisted into something that had nothing to do with youngest SD's. I was hoping SD and DH would be able to build a better relationship but I think it's way too late for that. I think it was too late for that far before I came along. I know it got a little better for SD as she didn't have to tend to the younger kids anymore and had time to go to her friend's and boyfriend's houses.
After thinking about it for a while, I just deleted her from FB.
I hope your situation gets better and I hope she really wouldn't punch SK's in the face!
I smashed some cake in my DS's face on his 10th b-day but I didn't throw it at him out of anger!
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
I told you this because I wanted to put some perspective on your situation. Your SD is a normal teen going thru some normal anger issues over her parents divorcing. My XSD goes above and beyond that.
It's okay to remove her. Do not feel guilty about that. In the end it's probably best and if anyone asks why - especially her - you can be honest and say that you think it's best for your relationship with each other if she does not see and mistake something you said for something you didn't really mean.
There is still hope for their relationship. As kids get older, most mature. I'm sure your SD will and things will get better.
Thank You. I totally get what you are saying. Since I have removed her from FB she has contacted me a few times through messaging. SD of topic was from DH's 1st marriage and they were divorced when SD was very young.
SD's last stepmom was not much of a mom at all to any of the older SK's from that marriage. SM constantly stole money and clothes from them, she even cleaned out youngest SD's piggy banks of over $300. Would yell at them and oldest SD was pretty much the mom figure for all of the kids, including two youngest SD's which are her Step siblings. I kind of think that's why she showed so much hatred toward them when SD though no one was looking or could hear.
SD would cuss younger SD's out, hit them, call 6yo SD, who is big for her age and very self conscious about her weight, always calling her fat and other names.
It has been very peaceful lately. I have known all of these kids most of their lives. and I know kids will be kids and do things they may later regret. I just really hope she's doing ok. I know DH does too but he has a hard time showing emotion like that. He tends to turn everything into a joke and that's his way of dealing with things when he is hurt. I really hope they get back to speaking terms soon.
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5