Etiquette question - long distance/skype shower?

JPutrino · June 2013

I'm pregnant with my first child and am living in an area where I don't know many people (my husband and I relocated cross country last year). Most of my friends and relatives still live on the East Coast. I've heard of people doing long distance showers via skype in these situations - is that tacky? I don't know how I feel about the gift-grab element of baby showers to begin with and feel like doing something long distance would be interpreted as just an excuse to get people to buy us things.

Thanks!

mben1119 · June 2013

One vote for tacky here.

cyndilouwho77 · June 2013

I've never heard of a Skype shower....that seems sort of weird!

mrsmcdonald · June 2013

JPutrino:
I'm pregnant with my first child and am living in an area where I don't know many people (my husband and I relocated cross country last year). Most of my friends and relatives still live on the East Coast. I've heard of people doing long distance showers via skype in these situations - is that tacky? I don't know how I feel about the gift-grab element of baby showers to begin with and feel like doing something long distance would be interpreted as just an excuse to get people to buy us things.

Thanks!

I think you answered your own question, no?

danieliza1127 · June 2013

somerandomchick:
I generally think they are tacky. If somebody in your hometown OFFERS you a shower, because you shouldn't host it yourself, consider if it would be possible for you to fly in for a visit and do a baby shower where all your friends and family live. This doesn't work if you have a high risk pregnancy and are forbidden to travel of course. And you would want to make sure its during the earlier range if acceptable shower timing, since you don't want to be flying cross country at 37 weeks or anything

Ditto that. My BF flew from Arizona to Indiana for her baby shower because all of her friends and family were in Indiana. She borrowed an extra suitcase to take gifts back home with her and she might have had to return some things and then go buy them again when she got home with the store credits. I would not do a skype shower.

EastCoastBride · June 2013

missymr:
They planned a time, sent her gifts and then skyped her while they all sat around their board room table and watched her open them. I think there were four or five people involved.
I remember thinking that I would have felt really awkward sitting by myself on video opening presents, and I don't think she particularly enjoyed it but went along with it because she didn't feel she could say no.

Both sides to this just sounds weird. I would have no desire to go to a shower where I would watch the guest of honor on a TV open the gifts, and AS the guest of honor, I'd have no desire to sit alone at home in front of a computer and open the gifts.

They both sound really unappealing.

74dragonfly · June 2013

2013mommy:
I think they're tacky as well. If you can't be at the shower then there shouldn't be one.nbsp;

This. I flew to my hometown for my shower when I was about 32 weeks.

LuClo · June 2013

Another vote for super tacky.

A skype shower (in my opinion) says "I want everyone to spend money on me, but I'm not willing to buy a plane ticket or bother l with the inconvenience of actually going." I think you have to be there in person. Otherwise it's a giant no.

StephanieLove10 · June 2013

Why not?

Unknown · June 2013

This content has been removed.

kristinc01 · June 2013

Just thinking of logistics, a skype shower might be difficult/awkward. Everyone would have to be sure and mail the presents on time and not sure they would want to then gather somewhere and crowd around a computer to watch it unless maybe they were all together for a different gathering and then you got on skype to thank people and maybe show a few of the actual gifts you received.

One of my aunts had a baby and she was the only family member who moved out of state and wasn't able to travel back to our home state before her baby was born. The person "hosting" her long distance shower sent invitations and a request that gifts were all sent during a specific week so she would be "showered" with gifts through the mail. I don't think I mailed it the right week, but I am glad we had a long-distance shower. Since we have one for everyone in the family I would have really hated it if someone said "Well since she can't travel back for a shower she shouldn't have one." One thing I would have liked her to have done was maybe set up a facebook message or mass email telling everyone thank you and then attaching pictures of what she received so it was a little more like a shower where you see what other people gave. (She sent did personal thank you notes).

And while some people may say that people will send you items regardless if you have a shower or not, my circle of friends tends to give/get larger necessity type of gifts for the shower and then a cute outfit specifically for the baby when they arrive. So I would assume you wouldn't get as many necessities without some sort of a shower.

Disneygeek77 · June 2013

Nope, Skype showers are dumb and a waste of money.

FWIW, my mom wanted to do a Skype shower for my SIL, but I put the kabosh on that one. I just couldn't get over what a waste of money and awkward it would be. I also didn't see my aunts driving for an hour to come to my mom's house, sit in front of the TV and watch my SIL open gifts or us open gifts for her. No no no no. I would have rather spent the money we would have put towards a shower and buy something my SIL would have really needed like a glider or something.

Burrberrymum · June 2013

If someone else offers I'd say go for it but it would be tacky to ask someone to do it. Everyone thinks these online things are so awful but until they have to be new parents with no one near by to celebrate with I don't think their opinion really matter, just what you feel is comfortable for you.

queenbone · June 2013

I wouldn't attend a skype shower.

If someone back home offers to host a shower for you try to schedule it a bit on the early side so you can travel comfortably in the 2nd tri. If you aren't comfortable with traveling (or are restricted) then I think you will just have to decline a shower all together.

ordinary1 · June 2013

IMO Skype showers are gift grabby. You are basically telling me you want me to buy you a gift, send it to you, and go to someone's house so I can crowd around a screen to watch you open presents when it is too inconvenient for you to come to us. No thank you!

JackieA2013 · June 2013

Sorry, I think it's tacky.

I'm flying to Chicago and my St. Louis for showers with my friends (I just moved from Chicago a year and a half ago) and family. I'm planning to check a couple of empty suitcases to transport gifts back home (free bag check on Southwest).

Cleo421 · June 2013

Burrberrymum:
If someone else offers I'd say go for it but it would be tacky to ask someone to do it. Everyone thinks these online things are so awful but until they have to be new parents with no one near by to celebrate with I don't think their opinion really matter, just what you feel is comfortable for you.

This. We threw one for a friend several years ago. It was a nice way to honor her from afar, and with all the baby expenses, I think it would have been ridiculous for her to spend hundreds of dollars on a plane ticket just to fly home.

StephanieLove10 · June 2013

kbruington:
StephanieLove10:
Why not?
A ton of people already explained "why not". Stir that pot stephanielove10.......

Ummmmm. Not pot stirring. It was a "Why not?" in the sense of, "If she wants to do it, God bless/go for it."

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Especially all of the Bitter Betties, Negative Nancies, and Sanctimommies on this board. Big Smile

SingleMom31 · June 2013

Burrberrymum:
If someone else offers I'd say go for it but it would be tacky to ask someone to do it. Everyone thinks these online things are so awful but until they have to be new parents with no one near by to celebrate with I don't think their opinion really matter, just what you feel is comfortable for you.

FWIW, we're new parents with no family in the town that we live in. My shower was local because I couldn't travel that far, and there were 8 people that could come (three local coworkers, two friends that traveled from out of state, and three family members that could travel). Neither of our mothers could make the trip. Would we have liked more family there? Of course. Was it an excuse for something like a Skype shower? No. I don't think that wanting to celebrate it a good excuse for something that otherwise would be fairly tacky.

Also, total side note, we did get everything that we needed for LO and so much more. A lot of our out-of-town family and friends were very generous and showered us with gifts, despite us not having showers for them to attend. In some ways, it was more fun. We were often surprised when we came home at night, and there were presents waiting at the door.

RibbitGrl930 · June 2013

I'm generally against them because, like PP have said, it's like saying you want the gifts without spending any effort to travel or spend time with anybody. The only situation in which I would not side-eye it is if ALL gift-givers unanimously decide that is something they would like to do. I am not in favor of invitations going out asking people to do this, but if a small group of friends come up with the plan together and decide they would like to extend this gesture to the MTB, then I think it's okay.

Personally, I would not attend or want a shower like this. As a guest, it would seem awkward to me to just sit around a computer watching the MTB open her gifts. As the MTB, I would feel awkward sitting by myself in a room in front of my web cam opening gifts.

ArmyWife114 · June 2013

SingleMom31:
Burrberrymum:
If someone else offers I'd say go for it but it would be tacky to ask someone to do it. Everyone thinks these online things are so awful but until they have to be new parents with no one near by to celebrate with I don't think their opinion really matter, just what you feel is comfortable for you.

FWIW, we're new parents with no family in the town that we live in. My shower was local because I couldn't travel that far, and there were 8 people that could come (three local coworkers, two friends that traveled from out of state, and three family members that could travel). Neither of our mothers could make the trip. Would we have liked more family there? Of course. Was it an excuse for something like a Skype shower? No. I don't think that wanting to celebrate it a good excuse for something that otherwise would be fairly tacky.

Also, total side note, we did get everything that we needed for LO and so much more. A lot of our out-of-town family and friends were very generous and showered us with gifts, despite us not having showers for them to attend. In some ways, it was more fun. We were often surprised when we came home at night, and there were presents waiting at the door.

We were also FTM parents with NO family closer than 8 hours away (by car). My neighbors threw a lovely shower, my mother and MIL couldn't make it, but, honestly, it was perfectly nice to have a get together with my neighbors, eat some food, and let other people hold DS since my arms were tired. (Planned for before, but...then he decided to be 4 weeks early). It was FABULOUS.

Here's my point, showers aren't a requirement; it's like the "nice to have" category on a registry - great if you have one, kind of "eh" if you don't.

CateOfChicago · June 2013

I wouldn't do it. You just reminded me of an invite I received about 10 years ago for an email shower (per-Skype). It was weird and she said she received only 4 gifts. So, there you go.

Want a personalized experience?

Etiquette question - long distance/skype shower?

Re: Etiquette question - long distance/skype shower?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards