XP a tradition dilemma

lhuttlinger · June 2013

We are having our 2nd girl and I have a tradition dilemma. My mom, daughter, niece and I all share the same middle name; which is also my mom's maiden name.

Dh thinks that we can give dd2 any middle name we want, but I'm worried that she'll be sad later to not share in this tradition with every other girl in the family.

Thoughts?

sharksfan · June 2013

I'm with YH. You've stuck with the tradition by giving the name to your first-born. It's pretty common that 2nd born children don't carry over into name traditions.

HBirdie · June 2013

sharksfan:
I'm with YH. You've stuck with the tradition by giving the name to your first-born. It's pretty common that 2nd born children don't carry over into name traditions.

This.

Mochadoodle · June 2013

sharksfan:
I'm with YH. You've stuck with the tradition by giving the name to your first-born. It's pretty common that 2nd born children don't carry over into name traditions.

This.

brooksidebride · June 2013

I'm with pps in that you've already passed the tradition with your first daughter. And you can give this one someone else's family name so she doesn't feel left out.

FWIW, I would think it's odd to have so many girls with the same middle name, especially siblings. My mother gave me her middle name, and I plan to pass it down to ONE of my daughters some day (if I have another)... But I wouldn't give it to more than one daughter. I'll have to ask, but I don't think either of my other sisters have felt slighted that I got my mom's middle name and they didn't... It would be weird for all three of us to have the same middle name.

runningpenguin · June 2013

I guess I'm the odd person out. My brothers both have the same middle name (my father's name) and I have the feminine version, although ours is for ethnic. All the grandkids also have the same middle names as well, EXCEPT for 1 niece and she's constantly asking why.

Now if your middle name is only given to the eldest daughter, I don't see why you shouldn't be able to give your second daughter a different middle name. My bestie has twin girls and a middle name that gets passed down to the oldest daughter. Twin A got the traditional name and Twin B received another family name.

shannm · June 2013

I think you can go either way. My MIL and both SILs share a middle name which happens to be the name MIL actually uses. I think it is a nice family connection.

if I ever have another girl, I would consider using my DD's middle name again because it honors both Gmas.

Dr.Loretta · June 2013

Well, you CAN give your DD any MN you want. And if you agree that it will be the same one of the rest of you, that's fine.

FWIW, all the men in my family (dad and 2 brothers) have the same MN, and my mom and I share one. There was no set tradition, they just happened to flow.

ETA: It's a middle name. Your "worry" is kind of silly, because it could go either way, depending on where she is in her life. She might be proud to share a MN with her siblings and mom, or she might be annoyed that she does. She might be proud to have "her own" MN, or wish she shared one. It's just MN, don't stress about it. Pick a name that works, either the same one or a different one.

esf60 · June 2013

Don't get guilted into naming your kid something you don't want to use. Break the cycle and go with something new. I'm with your husband on this one.

BlindysWife · June 2013

Yup, I agree with your H. I wouldn't give the same mn to multiple siblings. If you choose, give her a different family name in the mn spot.

EastCoastBride · June 2013

Dr.Loretta:
ETA: It's a middle name. Your "worry" is kind of silly, because it could go either way, depending on where she is in her life. She might be proud to share a MN with her siblings and mom, or she might be annoyed that she does. She might be proud to have "her own" MN, or wish she shared one. It's just MN, don't stress about it. Pick a name that works, either the same one or a different one.

To follow on this, how you "play it up" plays a role too. If you don't follow the tradition and one day she asks "why do you all have the same middle name?", I'd just tell her "It was a tradition for awhile in my family, but your daddy and I wanted to give you a name that was all yours!". Or something to that effect. IF she even asks!

led2009 · June 2013

While I don't agree with pp that it would be wierd for siblings to have the same mn, I do think that if your DH is dead set against it, you may need to reconsidder. On this board it's usually agreed that BOTH of you need to agree on the name. I would discuss it with hime and see how opposed he is to using the same one. If it's not that big of a deal, then use it. But if he really doesn't want to use it again, you may need to find a MN that you both agree on.

lindsayanne14 · June 2013

I don't think it's strange for sibs to have the same MN, my cousin gave both of her DDs the same MN. It's also my cousin's MN and I've never thought it was a weird thing to do. That being said, I think it's a decision you and your DH need to come to together. Good luck!

mlhopson · June 2013

I agree with your DH and some PPs. You already passed down the tradition, there's no pressure to do it for both DDs. I know I would feel a bit cheated to be given the same name as everyone else, but then, that's not our tradition.
If YOU think she will feel sad later and you are comfortable using the same name, you should! But my own personal feelings don't much like the uniformity.

+ASH+ · June 2013

I wouldn't do it. There are too many people I wanted to honor, that I would never even think about sharing a name between them.

DS1 - Named for his dad, paternal grandpa, with paternal great-grandpas initials

DS2 - Named for his paternal great-grandpa and maternal great-grandpa

DD - Unintentionally named after her great-great-grandpa (my dad told me his name after we revealed hers - fun coincidence!) and intentionally named after her maternal grandpa.

My youngest son did ask a few weeks ago why he didn't have the same middle name as his brother, father, and grandpa. We just explained that he was named for our grandfathers who we loved very much. He was fine with it.

I love that they all have family traditions, but none of them actually share their names. They are each named for people we love.

jkzinck · June 2013

I am undecided on this one. My mom gave my twin sister and myself her middle name and I guess my older sister felt left out. I think another family name would be a good idea and just let her know when she is growing up how her middle name is special. I dont think it would be odd to give the girls the same middle name either. If this baby would have been a girl I would have used the same middle name as I did with dd 1 if my husband would have let me

I am no help

ilovemygirls · June 2013

Kimbus22:
sharksfan:
I'm with YH. You've stuck with the tradition by giving the name to your first-born. It's pretty common that 2nd born children don't carry over into name traditions.
Yep. You can still use a family name for her MN too.

This! My nieces all have middle names that are part of their aunts (ie. FN or MN of aunt is niece's MN). My DD's both have MN that are part of another member of the family. You could honor someone else in that way & that would be cool!

Want a personalized experience?

XP a tradition dilemma

Re: XP a tradition dilemma

Choose Another Board

Search Boards