PLEASE any advice on these sleep issues!

proudmommy15 · June 2013

This is going to be hard to shorten, but i'm going to try to make this LONG story short!

My DD has been having some major sleep issues. She is fixing to be 8 months old, but when she was younger (at the age doctor said it was okay to not wake her for night feedings), she would sleep about 7 hours straight. She was doing so good. I don't know if she hit the 4 month sleep regression or what happened, but it seems that she is getting worse with her night wakings. Its been going on for some time now, and I was giving in every night but I am so physically tired and mentally exhausted that I need to find some way to help her sleep better at night!

She has always been nursed/rocked to sleep, I know, probably highly un recommended but she is my baby and I didn't want her to have to cry herself to sleep in a crib! So that is how our night starts off. I nurse her to sleep in the rocking chair, then lay her in her crib asleep, she has co slept since she was born, but I thought maybe I was disturbing her so I brought her crib into our room and put it beside the bed. Now things have gotten even worse! What used to seem like alot of night time wakings (3 to 5), has now turned into atleast 6 times at night. Approximately 30 minutes after I lay her in her crib, she is up screaming so I will get her out. Sometimes she'll nurse and go right back to sleep, others she'll be wide awake and act like she is ready to play! It's like she has insomnia or something. Last night she was wide awake for 3 hours in the middle of the night, wouldn't let me rock her, nurse her, rub her back or anything. She has gotten so much worse since I brought the crib into the picture, but when I bring her back into the bed with me she continues to wake up and cry out every 30 mins to an hour.

The thing I can't understand is that she naps GREAT in her crib during the day.We go through the same nurse/rock ritual, then I lay her in her crib and she's fine. I've only been trying the crib for about a week and it works great for naps, but I SERIOUSLY need advice, tips, suggestions on all these night time wakings. I'm very anti CIO! It breaks my heart to hear her cry, most likely why I give in and get her out of her bed everytime she cries after only being asleep 30 minutes at night, but i'm so desperate for atleast FOUR straight hours at night.

Yes, I have consulted her Pediatrician, he is VERY set on letting her CIO, as in walking out of the room and not returning until she is asleep and no matter how many times she wakes up crying to ignore her! But that sounds SO harsh and I am worried she will be hungry since she eats so often at night now. She never took a pacifier and has always been exclusively breastfed so she won't take anything else as a soother. Oh, AND the very first night I tried the crib, she slept 5 hours straight after I layed her down. So I believe she can do it, I just don't know what is preventing her.

Thanks In Advance!

dmhrn13 · June 2013

I was 1000% anti-CIO until nothing I did was getting my baby the sleep she needed. I'm a midwife so I am pro nursing and cosleeping & really doing whatever is working for your family. But what I hear is you saying this is no longer working, so its time to try something else.

I tried the Happiest Baby on the Block, Baby Wise & The No Cry Sleep Solution. Nothing worked. I even tried nursing to sleep, rocking to sleep & co-sleeping. Like your baby she'd go down OK but wake & need my help to get back to sleep. A lot. Not only that she was crying her head off anyway- with me rocking, patting her, shushhhhing. So I remained open enough to at least read Ferbers Solve Your Childs Sleep Problems.

I learned a lot. Mainly, that babies have sleep associations that they rely on to help them fall asleep. When they wake and those conditions are different they cry to get them back. Most importantly that it is my job as a parent to teach my child to self soothe & fall asleep on her own. It is normal for babies and everyone to wake several times a night, so she needed to learn to go back to sleep without my help.

Does it involve crying? Yes. Is it difficult? Hell yes. Does it work? Yes. Ferber gradually takes mommy out of the equation so you do not need to leave the room & not return.

My baby now sleeps from 7:30 or 8 pm to 6:30 or 7:30. Her naps are also longer. She usually goes down with a little fussing & is asleep in less than 5 minutes.

I'm recommending you read the book & at least learn about it, that's what changed my mind to try it.

CC1017 · June 2013

I don't have a lot of advice but I can sympathize with you about sleep issues. DS was a good sleeper until I went back to work, then he hit 4 month wakeful, then growth spurt, then teething, etc. As soon as we make progress, we always run into another hurdle. I also nurse and rock DS to sleep and I'm not going to give that up because that time is really important to me.

DS slept in our room in a rock n play. He outgrew the RnP so I tried to transition him to the pack n play in our room and he wasn't having that so we ended up cosleeping (bed sharing). I transitioned him to his crib in his room at about 7 months. It was really hard at first. He would sleep for 45 min then wake up, then I would get him back to sleep and he'd wake up 45 min later. I tried letting him cry for 5 min one time and he got so upset it took me 2 hours to get him settled down so I didn't do that again. So at first I would keep putting him in the crib but then I would bring him to bed with me if he woke after I went to sleep. He eventually started sleeping longer and better in the crib. When he wakes up in the middle of the night now, I watch the monitor very closely because sometimes he sleep cries. He is still getting up about 3 times after he goes to sleep, but once before I go to bed. He nurses in the middle of the night because he's hungry. He has started sleeping better now that he has mastered back to belly rolling. He likes sleeping on his tummy.

so that's a lot of random. Just know you're not alone. I keep telling myself I will miss the nighttime cuddles once he starts sleeping all night, eespecially since I work full time.

pb_bride · June 2013

What PP said. Go get the book and read it. You don't have to do CIO but the book is so informative.

Honestly, if you love your DD, the best thing you can do for her is to teach her how to fall asleep on her own, as well as put herself back to sleep when she wakes up MOTN. Right now, she has associated falling asleep with either on your boob or being rocked. So when she wakes up briefly during sleep transitions, she notices that she is no longer sucking or she is no longer being rocked. that is disorienting to babies and hence they wake up fully and cry.

Your DD is not getting the quality and quantity of sleep she needs - what she needs is uninterrupted sleep. The Ferber method can achieve that in a matter of days; most people see significant improvement within 5 days. So yes, there will be crying, but it is gets shorter by each night, and NO crying usually within a week.

puppy_love6969 · June 2013

Yikes. Sounds terrible. And sounds like us at 4-5 months. I resorted to CIO and it worked wonders. C went from waking 6-10 times a night, to 1. She needs to be taught to self soothe and NOT expect you to come to her rescue every time she wakes. I wish you luck In whatever you choose.

Kimberskirby · June 2013

Like pp said, I was also against CIO....but we were at 6 - 10 wakings a night and I was losing it. I tried everything else first, but also like pp said, nothing worked. My son cried for 35 minutes the first night (and yes i cried the whole time too) and since then like once a week...he might whine for a minute. He is happier and more secure in his crib now than he ever was before. I strictly followed Ferber and am very consistent as to not confuse my baby. At least read the book. You don't have to do it if you aren't comfortable. Sorry, but its either that though or just wait it out until your baby is older. GL

linzeek44 · June 2013

My LO was waking up every 45 minutes for the first five hours of the night, and then sleeping only a couple hours at a time until the morning.

We did a modified sleep lady shuffle. We were in the room so we got to rub his little head and tell him it's okay. (I thought this might make it harder, but he responded pretty well.) We did it on our own timeline, over 21 or so days, and I didn't night-wean. He did learn to fall asleep on his own, and that has been very helpful for him and for us.

cookie280 · June 2013

Hugsss
I feel for you because I was going through the same thing. My baby was waking almost 6 times a night. I tried night feeding, rocking, Paci, bed sharing, RNP.. Nothing worked. I was EXHAUSTED! Finally, I had enough. I ordered Dr. Ferber's book and read it. Tried CIO approach, took away Paci and eliminated night feedings... lo and behold, IT WORKED!!!! It was torture and not easy, but it's worth it. Yeh there are some nights that he still wakes up and cry a little but not every night and NOT as many times as before for sure. He actually STTN now on most nights and NEVER had he done that since birth!! GL.

mamathefox · June 2013

dmhrn13:
I was 1000% anti-CIO until nothing I did was getting my baby the sleep she needed. I'm a midwife so I am pro nursing and cosleeping & really doing whatever is working for your family. But what I hear is you saying this is no longer working, so its time to try something else.
I tried the Happiest Baby on the Block, Baby Wise & The No Cry Sleep Solution. Nothing worked. I even tried nursing to sleep, rocking to sleep & co-sleeping. Like your baby she'd go down OK but wake & need my help to get back to sleep. A lot. Not only that she was crying her head off anyway- with me rocking, patting her, shushhhhing. So I remained open enough to at least read Ferbers Solve Your Childs Sleep Problems.
I learned a lot. Mainly, that babies have sleep associations that they rely on to help them fall asleep. When they wake and those conditions are different they cry to get them back. Most importantly that it is my job as a parent to teach my child to self soothe & fall asleep on her own. It is normal for babies and everyone to wake several times a night, so she needed to learn to go back to sleep without my help.
Does it involve crying? Yes. Is it difficult? Hell yes. Does it work? Yes. Ferber gradually takes mommy out of the equation so you do not need to leave the room & not return.
My baby now sleeps from 7:30 or 8 pm to 6:30 or 7:30. Her naps are also longer. She usually goes down with a little fussing & is asleep in less than 5 minutes.
I'm recommending you read the book & at least learn about it, that's what changed my mind to try it.

I agree so much with this. I was very very over anti CIO. I did it and I got my life back. I never went longer then 15 minutes and since DD is standing I would hold her for 10 seconds the first time I went in when she woke. Every time after I would just pick her up with my arms and lay her down (not held against my chest). I'm so glad I did it BC I am finally sleeping myself!!!

kateraid · June 2013

dmhrn13:
I was 1000% anti-CIO until nothing I did was getting my baby the sleep she needed. I'm a midwife so I am pro nursing and cosleeping & really doing whatever is working for your family. But what I hear is you saying this is no longer working, so its time to try something else.
I tried the Happiest Baby on the Block, Baby Wise & The No Cry Sleep Solution. Nothing worked. I even tried nursing to sleep, rocking to sleep & co-sleeping. Like your baby she'd go down OK but wake & need my help to get back to sleep. A lot. Not only that she was crying her head off anyway- with me rocking, patting her, shushhhhing. So I remained open enough to at least read Ferbers Solve Your Childs Sleep Problems.
I learned a lot. Mainly, that babies have sleep associations that they rely on to help them fall asleep. When they wake and those conditions are different they cry to get them back. Most importantly that it is my job as a parent to teach my child to self soothe & fall asleep on her own. It is normal for babies and everyone to wake several times a night, so she needed to learn to go back to sleep without my help.
Does it involve crying? Yes. Is it difficult? Hell yes. Does it work? Yes. Ferber gradually takes mommy out of the equation so you do not need to leave the room & not return.
My baby now sleeps from 7:30 or 8 pm to 6:30 or 7:30. Her naps are also longer. She usually goes down with a little fussing & is asleep in less than 5 minutes.
I'm recommending you read the book & at least learn about it, that's what changed my mind to try it.

This. We were in the same position. My LO was crying more out of frustration of being over tired than actually CIO. I didn't read the book, I just read about it in blog posts. We created a new bedtime routine as our LO was also nursed to sleep. Now it's cereal, nurse, bath, Jammie's w massage, story, one lullabye with a cuddle and bed. I put him down awake and leave the room. The first night I let him fuss for 2 minutes and went in. I wanted him to know I was always going to respond but give him the chance to learn. I stayed less then a minute, rubbed his back and told him he was ok. Then 3 minutes, then 5 and I repeated every five minutes for a while. Eventually we got to 10. The first night took 50 minutes. The second night 20 and the third 5. Now sometimes I go in after five but there's no crying just whining and babbling and he's out. He sleeps sooo much better and is much happier. He needed it. He now sleeps 7:30 - 7:45 ish to 7 am. If my LO ever started crying I would still always respond right away to make sure there is no real issue but he rarely ever does... Mainly chitchats to himself if he wakes and puts himself back to sleep.

JoNi2010 · June 2013

I'm sorry you are going through this. I, like other PPs, was also pretty much against CIO until I was losing my mind! But my pedi recommended Ferber. Definitely read the book. It is not completely CIO. It did not make my LO STTN but I only have to feed him once now at night and his naps (when he is not sick) is much better now too.

beccalee721 · June 2013

So sorry you're going through this! But like PPs said, we have to teach our LOs how to self soothe and once they get the hang of it they're fine. It's natural for babies to cry and even though it breaks your heart, your LO will cry to get what they're used to until they get use to the new routine. We kinda did a version of the Ferber method. I read a lot about different versions of the CIO and did what worked for us best. It took dedication from both myself and my husband but after a few nights she started sleeping through the night. She still wakes up and cries for a minute or so until she gets re-adjusted and comfortable, but the only time I've had to go in her room was when she was cutting a tooth and then all I do is give her her pacifier for her to chew on and she falls right back to sleep. What we did was: cuddle with her before bedtime, but make sure she doesn't fall asleep on you, just get nice and tired. Put her down still awake and leave the room. We let her cry for about 5-10 minutes the first time, then went in and gave her her pacifier and left again. Did NOT pick her up, just let her know she isn't alone and left. Then waited another 15 minutes and repeated the process, and after that she passed out for the night. The next night went a little better and the third night was 3 minutes of crying until she got comfortable and that was it! Babies adjust pretty quickly, but they have to know that crying won't get them what they want first. If you go in and pick them up, they know that crying will get them what they want and continue doing it. The best advice I read that I had to keep repeating to myself during the first few nights was that "crying won't kill them." It sounds so harsh, but it's true. I'd just picture if we were driving somewhere and she would start crying and I couldn't pull over. She won't be permanently damaged by crying in the back of the car for 15 minutes, just like she'll be fine after crying in her room for 15 minutes. Good luck! You'll be amazed by how quickly they adjust and how amazing it feels to get your sleep back!

mben1119 · June 2013

You can definitely try sleep training and CIO, just keep in mind that it isn't for ever baby. DS wouldn't cry himself to sleep at that age, he'd cry until he was hysterical and throwing up-in a matter of minutes.

Kissty · June 2013

mabenner1:
You can definitely try sleep training and CIO, just keep in mind that it isn't for ever baby. DS wouldn't cry himself to sleep at that age, he'd cry until he was hysterical and throwing up-in a matter of minutes.

It didn't work for us either...

mandy522 · June 2013

Keep in mind that crying it out is a sleep training method, not a night weaning method, so if LO is legitimately hungry during the night, not going to her is not going to teach her to fall asleep. There is an important distinction. You should continue to respond to night wakings if she is hungry, OR try a more gentle weaning method if you really want a full night's sleep. That being said, it is likely that at her age most of those wakings are because of an eat/sleep association vs. being hungry, and I bet all but one or two go away once you do some sleep training.

There is some good info on CIO vs. night weaning here: https://www.troublesometots.com/how-to-cry-it-out-bedtime-edition/ and https://www.troublesometots.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-sleeping-through-the-night-part-3/

She also has some good information on normal sleep and sleep training in general - and she loves Ferber, so you might want to take a spin through the site before you commit to buying the Ferber book.

GL!

pfeilele · June 2013

We did CIO for naps and nights all at once. Full extinction because if we did checks it would be worse. He was so tired from not napping that he fell asleep right away at night. Naps took about a week to perfect. I told myself that if he woke after 4 hours I would feed him. He has slowly been sleeping longer and longer and we usually go from 7 to 6 now. He did this on his own once he learned to fall asleep. He actually likes going in his crib and usually rolls over and cuddles with his lovey until he falls asleep!

GrantHenson · June 2013

I like you was very much against the CIO methods and my baby sounds like she was a lot like yours. Up many many times a night, nursing to sleep, hating the crib and periods of bed sharing. I had researched the no cry sleep solution as well as Ferber. I think that the no cry sleep solution would work if one has a lot of time and patience but not quick results. Ferber gave me a lot of information but I could not imagine just letting my baby cry even with checks.

A girl at my boot camp suggested the sleep solution and I suggest you take a look. It is an online program that gives you a lot of information, talks about crying and such as well as videos that walk you through 2 weeks of sleep training your baby. There is some crying as your baby only knows how to protest changed through crying but you are in the room until they fall asleep and you are allowed to touch them and talk to them just not pick them up. As time passes you move your chair further and further until you are out of the room.

My baby cried for 48 min the first night but not like that terrorizing cry and the next night she was asleep in less than 10 min and sleeping through the night. Those 48 min were really hard but it was so worth it because now I have a baby who is getting the sleep she needs to be a happy healthy baby and I am sleeping to. I thought that I would never get through a show with my husband again.

I hope that you find something that works for you and your family. Feel free to message me for questions.

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PLEASE any advice on these sleep issues!

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