HTT: Calling your kids derogatory names — The Bump
October 2013 Moms

HTT: Calling your kids derogatory names

At what point is the line drawn? I definitely call my daughter a booger occasionally, but I saw on Facebook my step cousin said something about "the little shiit is getting into everything" referring to her 8 month old, which really bothered me. The strongest language we use is "butthead" and even that I think may be too derogatory around a 5 year old, but it has "butt" in it so she thinks its funny.
 
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Re: HTT: Calling your kids derogatory names

  • DD is 2.5 and the worst thing I say to her is "you're not being a good girl". One time I slipped and said "you're not a good girl" and she freaked the fluck out, crying and saying she IS a good girl. I have never felt sooo horrible in my life. ETA--I totally did NOT mean that she's not a good girl, bc really, she's a very very good 2 year old.

    Calling your kids names can have such a negative, lasting impact. Just last night my mom's friend (who is 60) was saying she remembers her mom calling her lazy all the time. IMO there's no name calling. Period.

  • Not good. My SIL calls her kids, who are now teenagers but were very young when I met them, morons, assholes, retards, idiots, f**king (fill in the blank)...the older two seems to be fine, but the youngest one has no self-esteem and it's sad.

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  • I think venting about your frustration on FB to your friends is different than calling your child names to their face. Obviously an 8 month old isn't going to be reading this comment.

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  • image MrsMommyQ:


    IMO there's no name calling. Period.

     

    the worst i say, and it's while laughing is 'you are being a crazy baby' haha, i don't ever say anything mean or derogatory though.  =(

     


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  • I refer to my step-daughter as a goober, but usually when she is being funny or silly.  I try not to ever say anything derogatory or mean.  She is a silly kid and embraces her silliness.  


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  • image pandaglitter:
    ... "the little shiit is getting into everything" referring to her 8 month old....

     

    How sad! I'm not down with the name-calling. Sounds like someone need to learn some patience and anger control. 

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  • though at night i will tell my husband that he was being a 'little douche' about something after he is in bed lol  

     so yes, maybe htey were venting?  i would NEVER say this on FB though haah

     


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  • h called our daughter a brat once and i flipped sht. that is not allowed in my house! i choose to call her "whiney butt" instead, and that's as bad as it gets.


  • While I definitely think there is no place for derogatory name calling with your kids, there are some instances where you may perceive a name as being derogatory.  My nana called me a little sh!t all the time and it was a little joke between us.  I never cussed (and she never did either) but I would say that word because "nana said it".  I know she loved me and she never meant it in a hurtful way.

  • I don't think there is anything wrong with it. If you are joking with your friend and saying "little shiiiit" I think it's different then telling your kid off using harsh language. I do also believe that I can say things in front of my friends or family and not say them to my child. I have called my son chubby and chunks and people got offended by that!!
  • The thing is, she would definitely say it to him in real life. That's how her parents were. It's weird to me.
     
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  • I had an 8th grade shop teacher than called us sh!theads. My dd's nickname is "boogers". Maybe it's the tone in which the name is said?

  • Well.  I call DD a little turd all the time.  But I really mean it as a term of endearment. Wink
  • image kjenkins346:
    I think venting about your frustration on FB to your friends is different than calling your child names to their face. Obviously an 8 month old isn't going to be reading this comment.

    Yeah.  But using something as strong as little sh!t does seem a bit strong.

    And I so disagree with the no name calling whatsoever comment.  I'm sorry, but sometimes DD is a turkey and she knows it. lol

    I also call her a ham. 

    But for the most part, it's all in good fun.  

  • My mother called me horrible names growing up: she called me fat, ugly, slut, whore, btch, fing this or that. She got a lot worse than just namecalling though... She would go on screaming rampages and say the most horrible things to rip apart my whole character.. And my sister's, and dad's... She even did this in public! I still think of her as an abusive, hateful person. Please don't do this to your kids! I mean, calling your kid a brat every once in a while is one thing, but my mother went WAY beyond that.



  • image kimbo1216:
    Well.  I call DD a little turd all the time.  But I really mean it as a term of endearment. Wink

    Yes  and with that, I'll confess that "turdlette" has left my mouth on more than a few occasions. Huh?

  • I'm not going to use derogatory names with my LO because I don't want her to learn that it's ok to insult other people. But like others have said it's in tone and joke names. I may have a nickname for her that others might think are derogatory but we know is just a silly nickname, like goober. I would never use a derogatory name in anger. That's not to say I won't complain about her to DH and call her a little butt head or something behind her back. But I also wouldn't post it on Facebook. 
  • I call my kids turds.

    That's as mean as I get. Lol

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  • My dd and I call each other the mayor of Crazy Town but it's when we are being silly. Calling actual names is ridiculous.
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  • As I got older (12+) my dad and I started jokingly calling each other stupid, dumb @ss and other names along those lines, but they are always said in the most loving way possible. They are never used during arguments or when someone is just mad. I would never call my child anything harsher than a silly billy or something though, until they got older and use as much sarcasm as I do, and definitely not in anger or frustration.  Although I do call my dog a little sh!t when she starts barking at me before I come into the house and won't shut up until I pick her up. But I know it's because she loves me.
  • I can see "little shiiit" being said in a playful, joking way maybe that's why I don't equate this comment with name calling.

    I do agree that calling your child names, or referring to them in a negative way does have lasting effects but I think tone and meaning is very subjective.

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  • image taylormarie923:
    While I definitely think there is no place for derogatory name calling with your kids, there are some instances where you may perceive a name as being derogatory.  My nana called me a little sh!t all the time and it was a little joke between us.  I never cussed (and she never did either) but I would say that word because "nana said it".  I know she loved me and she never meant it in a hurtful way.

    I think it definitely depends on the situation, the context and your location/culture.  My daughter and I are super close and she knows how much I adore her and vice-versa, but it is nothing for me to call her a little smart when she is being one.  It is more of a "I love you so much but your mouth is just like your momma's" comment, and she totally gets that because she laughs and says "well you are being a smart alec."  We are never mean to each other in our house, but we do call it like we see it most of the time and don't sugar coat everything with each other or with DD.  That's just not very realistic. Plus, I just don't have the energy to be two different people as an adult outside the home and a parent. Your kids are going to know who you are and your personality eventually, so everyone that's on here throwing elbows and taking jabs at people all of the time but saying they spank their kids with butterfly kisses and tulips and never say a cross word really are going to confuse their kids.

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