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Special Needs
fleurdlis
member
Would you move?
fleurdlis
member
DD had encephalitis last year, and the resulting brain damage has left her unable to talk, unable to eat by mouth (she has a g-tube) and with the motor skills of a 3 month old. We live in New Orleans where we have been disappointed all around with medical care, and we have few options for therapy. After Katrina, many doctors and healthcare professionals left, so appointments are very hard to come by. The public schools are also terrible, and most people send their children to private schools, even in the suburb area. Unfortunately, none of the private schools around feel as though they can accommodate DD, and I did not get a good feel from the special Ed department of our local school district that they could handle her needs.
We currently travel to Houston every month for a couple of days for medical follow-up, and DD is in therapy 5 days a week here at home. DH's family is here, but does not help a lot. We do, however have a great Nanny for DD. We also have a new baby on the way in November.
I have an opportunity to transfer to my office's Houston office, and my husband could work from home to finish up his existing projects at his job until he finds something permanent. I am very conflicted about whether to move to be closer to DD's medical care and for better schools. I am nervous about being in a new city, with few friends, no family, and a baby on the way. On the other hand, there are great public schools in Houston suburbs, there is also terrific private school catering to children with severe brain injuries like DD's, and the ability to be close to our doctors and to have more therapy options for DD would be great. DH wants to go, but says it is my call. What would you do?
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Re: Would you move?
My brother had encephalitis, and my mother had to seek treatment for OT PT when he was in his early years.
When the local school district wanted him to have extra help due to developmental delays, my parents sought out private therapy.
However she was always close to supportive medical attention.
Wherever you can find the most support, go.
I would for a bigger city and school that specializes in a specific special need.
My current town has disappointed me in the only school district in town. I have been hearing DS will be in the autism class but my only thing is what about kindergarten? I have heard much complaints in the elementary schools and beyond in my area.
I don't know.
We moved across the country about 2 years ago, unrelated to DS but he was obvs along for the ride. We had a rough transition period, and even now 2 years later feel just "ehhh" about the move overall.
I 100% get your desire for wanting the best services available, but don't underestimate the power of having "people" around even if they don't help out much. You'd be moving to a place where you have no-one but hired help, and even with the most concerted effort it takes a while to make friends in a new place. Especially if you are full time working Mom.
Add in the fact that you are about halfway through your pregnancy and you are now looking at a new doctor, new hospital and a delivery with little to know support around.
Its doable, I've done it, but its not easy. At all. It'll be a huge challenge.
In your case, I see little reasons that would make me stay. While it will be tough not to have family and friends nearby, I think it would be a lot tougher not to have the proper support for my kids. Your long-term prospects (and the long-term prospects for your children) sound much, much better in Houston.
I am on the move boat - especially since your job offered you the transfer option (good, not just up and going without financial plan plus I do believe things happen for a reason).
However, could you accept the transfer and wait until after baby - giving you time to set up things like housing, care for LO, maybe get in some groups/resources while you are there in Houston for her care and your support?
Also, since she is in the Houston system already for tx, you may want to check with the social worker at the hospital to help set up homecare and things like that.
I think the whole thing is definatly worth looking into further.
Realistically, could you be moved before baby is coming? (I guess that would be a rent vs buying question). I know Houston can be expensive in the loop or whatever they refer to it as, but I would do it especially given your opportunity to transfer.
I would move.
If the only thing you stand to lose is the proximity of friends and family, I'd start packing tomorrow. Realistically how much help do you get from F&F? That would weigh in to my decision, and in our case we get very little. My MIL lives 20 mins away and I haven't seen her since Christmas, even though shes been 2 blocks from our home on several occasions for parties etc. My BFF lives 2 miles from me and we talk more on FB than we do IRL. Most of the support we get externally is written or spoken on the phone, little of it is physical presence.
It would be daunting to have a new child, a child with SN and be moving, but it sounds like something that may work to everyones advantage (better school system for new child as well, when that time comes). Give it some thought, and do what works best for your family
Best wishes in whatever you decide.
Can you survive on one income for a very very long time? I ask because Auntie brings up an excellent point. While your current employer is offering a transfer, if you have to take off of work a lot do handle your child, your new boss may not be as understanding and you may find yourself out of a job or on the short end of the stick. If your husband can take over the roll of SAHD since he does not have a job in Houston, then it takes that concern out of the equation. On the other hand, is he cut out to SAH? Some men (just as some women) are not and would find the situation difficult. As much as my husband loves our children, he would go crazy being at home all day and our marriage would suffer.
If both of you need to be employed, have you researched childcare? With a medically fragile SN child, that can be very difficult to find. I would have something lined up before I made that move. Since you have zero friends, zero family, and zero childcare options in Houston at this time, are you prepared to be that isolated from everything--not even able to go to dinner without your child. I don't say that to be mean, but that is the reality of being alone in a new city with a SN child.
Just make sure you explore every aspect of this possible transfer before pulling the trigger. Make sure the grass really is greener...and not just prettier weeds.