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August 2013 Moms
boymamaco
member
Planning for a Bris
boymamaco
member
Hoping some of you can help me out here. My bf's family is Jewish and it will mean a ton to them that we have a Bris. We're already planning to circumcise so I figure we might as well do a Bris and keep everyone happy. I'm not Jewish and really know nothing of the ceremony or what I need to do to plan for the day.
Can you please give me an overview of what transpires at your prior Bris' or ones you've attended?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Planning for a Bris
I am half jewish, so my knowledge is half complete. But this is the gist of it:
You will not circumcise the baby in the hospital. The bris ceremony will be held on the 8th day of the babies life at your home (or the grandparents if that is more appropriate). A moyle will come to conduct the ceremony and he will be the one to circumcise the baby and say some prayers over him. The baby will also be wearing a yarmulke, so you may want to look for a cute/special one and treat it as a keepsake. The rest of the party will be to visit and for everyone to see the baby.
Depending how religious his family is (reform/conservative/orthodox) you may want the food served to be kosher. The biggest rule to kosher is no mixing meat and dairy. A good idea on food would be something like bagels, lox, spreads, salads, etc.
Hope that helps!
BFP #1 mm/c at 12w1d
Thank you! Couple of follow on questions. Is it a dressy affair? Will my BF be in coat and tie or just slack and a button down? He doesn't know actually as this is really for his parents. They aren't super religious but I know this is important to them so I want to do it right. My mom will still be in town and asked if its a gift giving party? (like she would for a baptism) Last question - are any of the prayers or ceremonial aspects involving us as parents?
Thank you SO much!~
Hmm... now you are venturing into the parts I'm not so sure on.
I would think you want to dress nice but it's not formal, not a suit and dress thing like a baptism. Since you can't really plan ahead (b.c it must be done on the 8th day) I don't think people will expect you to be dressed to the nines. I think slacks and a button down sounds good for BF and a maternity dress for you. Keep baby comfortable - he will be having surgery that day.
Make sure your MIL is helping out A LOT. She should be in charge of getting everything finalized in those 8 days. Also, she and her husband should select a hebrew name for the baby. Don't worry he won't ever use it or need it for anything, it is just a part of the tradition.
Gifts no, checks yes. And most will be in increments of 18 (chai pronounced high with a hard "ch" sound, a.k.a. "l'chaim") - which means life and stands for the number 18, it is good luck). So lots of checks for $36, $54 or $118, $218, etc. Also, Mazel Tov means congratulations.
I'm sure you'll be involved somehow, but ask the moyle you hire to go over exactly how the ceremony will go and what he wants you to do. And fine one sooner rather than later since you'll need more guidance from him. If your in-laws belong to a temple, go there with them to start figuring all this out.
BFP #1 mm/c at 12w1d
I didnt know about the money increments thing, but did give a gift. I was unsure of what was appropriate and didnt want to show up empty handed.
One question I would ask is about pain management for the baby. When a baby is circ'd in the hospital, a local anesthetic is used before the procedure. If it were me, I'd want to know if that was the case or not. I couldn't tell at the one I was at, and didnt feel it was appropriate to ask.
I'm Jewish so I can provide a bit more insight. You may want to find a moyle who is also a pediatric surgeon. There are a lot of them and most people prefer them, as they have not only the religious experience, but the medical background. The moyle should be able to walk you through everything you need.
You should let your MIL plan the food. I would personally have just bagels, lox, etc. But if the party is for your inlaws, then they know what they feel is appropriate. I'm conservative, so we wouldn't have kosher food, but just traditional food. Some foods might be strange to have at one.
Some bris's have immediate family only and others have 100 people. So you should discuss with your DH what you're comfortable with and let his parents know. If the answer is, whatever they want to do it's their thing, that's fine. It's just somethign to think about. Don't feel that you have to spend the rest of the "party" playing "pass the baby" with your little one who has just had surgery on your dining room table.
The actual circumcision can be a bit traumatic. While the moyle should provide some sort of pain management, the baby *will* cry and it's very hard for many people there, especially the mother.
You can just dress nicely. You're fine in pants too, if you want to wear them. You should be comfortable. But you'll be having company over, so just dress nicely for that. There's no need for a suit or anything like that. YOU and YOUR DH should pick out the Hebrew name. This is not something that the grandparents typically do. Traditionally, the baby is named after someone deceased. For instance, if your DH's grandfather was named Samuel and he wants to name the baby after him, the typical name would be Shmuel. I agree that this name is not used for anything. Of course, you can consult with your inlaws and if you want them to decide, that's fine. But most Jewish people think of the Hebrew name as another name that the parents are choosing for their child, and choosing to honor the memory of someone who was important to them but gone. The baby could be named after someone in your family too even if you aren't Jewish.
Also, gifts are completely acceptable and normal to get at a bris. And while some people may give gifts in denominations of Chai (18) many may not. Your mom can feel free to bring a gift. Jewish people do not give gifts BEFORE the baby is born (there's a superstition about bringing items for the baby into the home before the baby arrives, so we traditionally do not have baby showers). But most people will bring you either gifts or money at the bris. Feel free to be registered, as if you're having a large bris, people may ask your inlaws where you're registered.
Just remember for those who you invite who aren't Jewish and have never been to a bris, it's an odd thing. Some people watch it, which I think is so bizarre. Most people try not to look and are a little freaked out.
Good luck! Feel free to ask me any questions - I have a lot of knowledge about it!
I am half Jewish. My husband's family is all Jewish. We are not having a bris though because everyone is so far away and his brother will have recently been married.
I wish I could add stuff but other pp's have given you all the information you need.
But I also want to caution you a bit... A bris is a really freaking big deal. You may get push back from a mohel or a rabbi if you say you're doing this JUST for your bf's parents. And since you're not Jewish, some may require a conversion ceremony for the baby in order to do it.
It's a lot more than "just" a circumcision and a party.
Just a bit about how my family handled everything...
My mom is catholic and dad is jewish. My grandmother chose my, my brother's and my sister's Hebrew names, so I guess that was just how my family chose to handle it. Not sure about my sibs, but I was named for my grandmother's deceased mother.
We all had baby naming ceremony's/bris and then were all baptized a few months later, then we all made our communions. So we didn't convert and I'm pretty sure the moyle and rabbi knew that my mother intended to raise us catholic, esp. since according to jewish faith (or tradition) the babies are whatever their mother is.
BFP #1 mm/c at 12w1d
Oh wow, so much great information here. Thank you SO much ladies! I do have a referral for a moyle but am not sure of his credentials or procedure - ie. pediatric surgeon or pain mgmt technique. I will call him tomorrow to get started on the process.
MrsSteSte ~ I agree and thank you for the heads up. I know its important to his parents and I want to be as respectful as possible. That is, in part, the reason why I came on here with questions. So I could somewhat educate myself on what is expected.
I just ordered the book you all recommended from Amazon. HIs parents sent me Jewish as a Second Language which is witty but clearly I need some real insights too! https://www.amazon.com/Jewish-Second-Language-Interrupt-Opposite/dp/0761158405/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1370996473&sr=8-1&keywords=jewish+as+a+second+language
Sorry I dont know how to make clicky.