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3rd Trimester
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Anyone else scared and overwhelmed?
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I'm 34 1/2 weeks and just had my first childbirth class yesterday. There was a lot of discussion about the duration of labor and the pain of the contractions felt in the different phases. As I now understand about more about some of the potential down sides of epidurals (prolonged labor and delivery, reduction or elimination of the natural urge to push, higher likelihood of needing pitocin or other interventions during labor, etc.), I'm starting to get really nervous about the delivery. Anyone else flat out scared?
I'm also a bit anxious about the first several weeks of being a new, first-time momma -- mainly the sleep deprivation, the physical recovery after the delivery, learning to breastfeed successfully, and a fear of social isolation when my husband has to go back to work. I know this baby is going to fill up our lives in ways I could never imagine, but I'm also suddenly petrified -- something totally new to me. I've been feeling pretty good about everything up until this point. Now, I'm worried and frightened.
Meanwhile, I am training someone to fill in for me during maternity leave right now, which is also adding to my stress about those 12 weeks away from the office. I'm not sure this person has the skills needed to do my job--even on a temporary basis. We spent an entire week last week on one of the most basic tasks, and I'm still not sure she has it down. Last summer, it took an intern three hours to master the same task. So, now I'm worrying that when I return from maternity leave, I'm going to have a mess to clean up as well. I'm also nervous about the fact that I'm going to need to hand my baby over to a stranger when he is still so little and helpless, and is at a critical point in his development.
All in all, I'm overwhelmed right now. Anyone else feel this way?
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Re: Anyone else scared and overwhelmed?
First off about the labor, I was scared the first time because I don't tolerate pain very well. But by the end of the pregnancy I was just done and ready to take it on. I just wanted the baby out. My contractions started out 1 minute apart and I ended up having a csection 3 hours later because DD was in distress. I know you may have heard this but I really don't remember the pain of the contractions. I remember I was in pain, but I don't remember the actually pain. Everything will work out, don't worry.
And when baby gets home you will be so busy and just loving the time with your baby that time will fly by. When DH went back to work after DD was born I was so surprise how fast the day went. Just go with the flow of baby, and you always have the bump to ask questions. I'm nervous for DH to go back to work because now I will have two kids. TWO!!! With DD I was able to just sit on the couch and snuggle her all day, but now I will have a toddler to entertain.
And work...don't worry about it. If the person you are training really can't handle it, talk to your supervisor. If that won't help, then there isn't anything you can do about it now. It will be there when you get back and will keep you busy and your mind off of LO, who will be fine in daycare.
I feel scared and overwhelmed too. I'm a first time mom and my husband and I are graduate students. We have a support network, but everywhere I turn it seems that someone else is saying "YOUR LIFE IS OVER NOW! YOU'LL HAVE TIME FOR NOTHING EVER AGAIN FOR YOURSELF!" And that scares me a lot...and then I get in a shame spiral because I feel guilty for being scared.
Also I have a thesis to write had a topic assigned to me and I am not particularly happy or excited about it, but I don't know how to talk to my advisor. I was one of the top students until announcing my pregnancy and now I don't get asked to do a lot of the things some of the other students do, I'm competitive so it makes me feel kind of bad. Luckily my GPA didn't slip during the pregnancy and I've maintained my scholarship, but the thought of going to school full time, writing a thesis, with a newborn, also scares me.
So you're not alone, but people get through one way or another, and in the end you have created a new life which is one of the biggest gifts of all.
Just wanted to say I have a lot of those same feelings! I'm mostly worried about the administrative side of parenting--scheduling, organizing the home, organizing child care, returning to work, etc.
On top of that, as much as I study and prepare, I've never had a baby before so DH and I will be fairly clueless. Like you, I'm also worried about mastering breastfeeding.
Oddly, I'm not that afraid of giving birth--I just feel like it's inevitable and my body will take over the process.
I wouldn't let the information you are learning about childbirth in your classes scare you. You're there to be aware of your options.
I have a type A personality & I worry constantly. However, with childbirth, I have done my research & made all the decisions that need to be made, for almost every situation that could occur (& if something comes up that wasn't planned for, well, that's life- you'll make the best decision you can for you & your LO). I figure that no matter what, it's going to happen. It's going to be painful, but the blessings in the end are so worth it!
As far as after the baby is born, I think every mom goes through those worries! Just take it one day at a time. There are so many resources that hospitals offer is you are scared about any aspect of parenting. Your instincts will kick in & you'll do great!
I was literally shaking my head in agreement with EVERYTHING you said. I'm trying not to get worked up about delivery... I tell myself that millions of people do it and I will be fine, but it's the unknown that is so scary to me.
I'm glad you brought it up, reading other posts about how people have managed the stress and worry has been really encouraging to me.
I think every FTM has had these feelings at one time or another, so everything you are going through is completely normal. When I was pregnant with DD 1-2 years ago, I was constantly reading and trying to soak up every bit of knowledge I could. I thought the childbirth classes were great for DH because he got to hear from an unbiased source what I would be going through. I knew from the beginning that I was going to get an epidural so I didn't have to make any decisions about that. For me, the best part of labor was getting the relief of the epidural. I was able to relax and rest so I think that was most beneficial for DD instead of fighting through the pain of contractions. Just remember that your body was made to do this and it's capapble of giving birth. Towards the end of my pregnancy I kept telling myself that women give birth everyday and have been for thousands of years. Don't focus on horror stories that people will tell you, those are the rarities rather than the norm.
Enjoy your time at home with LO, you'll never get it back. Yes, there will be tough times. There were moments that I felt so overwhelmed that I would start crying, but those time were rare. DH would just look at me and tell me everything would be fine. Once your hormones level out, you feel better. Take advantage of the lactation consultants at the hospital and/or your local La Leche League for breastfeeding support. Our lactation consultant was a savior in the hospital showing DH and I different holds and positions to feed DD as well as tricks to keep her awake while eating. We took the class ahead of time but I didn't remember much from it those first few days. I also went to the Mommy/Baby class at the hospital when DH went back to work. It was a lifesaver, gave me a reason to leave the house on a Monday morning. It was all new moms with their babies, we would talk and learn from each other for 90 mins then go out to lunch. It helped me feel comfortable going out with DD. The sleep deprivation wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, definitely sleep when baby naps for the first month. Don't worry about cleaning the house or doing laundry, it'll get done eventually. My daytime naps saved me!
Once you have LO and are out on maternity leave, forget about work. It'll be there when you get back. This is your time with your baby, don't give work a single thought when you're out. It is tough to leave LO at daycare but they have so much fun with the other kids. DD is now 13 months and almost jumps out of her carseat every morning when I'm dropping her off.
All you have to do it take care of yourself and DD! Let DH and your family handle anything else
I felt the same way as a FTM.
As far as labor goes, there is no way to predict your experience. If you are anxious, do the labor classes, the hospital tour, etc. Some people have a really hard time, others have a "simple" delivery. I worried SO much about labor and after it was done I thought "really? that was it?!" I wish that I hadn't worried so much about it.
Being a new mom is hard, but its not impossible. You will figure it out as you go along, until then try to enjoy the ride. If the dishes dont get done right away, thats ok. If you need a break, ask for one (friend, neighbor, family, husband). No one is a perfect mom, especially at first. If you make a "mistake" its ok. Also, follow your mom instincts. Dont let people make you feel dumb if you have a question or concern just because you're a new mom. Lastly, if you dont want visitors or dont want to accomodate someone else's need at that moment --then dont. (ex:MIL wants to be there everyday, neighbor wants to come over, etc.) Focus on your little family and everything will be alright.
Regarding work, you are training someone else to take over for you while you are gone..let them take over. Try not to worry about work while you are out. If things are a mess when you get back, then worry about it then. I was out 12 weeks with my first and everything was fine when I got back.
Overall, take a deep breath and do everything one step at a time. You will be ok and you will get through it.
I'm scared of labor because I have a medical condition that, if it flares up, can make delivery really complicated for me (not life-threatening, but very very scary none the less).
I'm terrified that my friends won't ever come visit me. As is, I am the one making any effort to see people. Nobody wants to drive up to see me. Ever. And I don't think its reasonable to drive 45+ minutes one way with an infant to see someone if they aren't willing to reciprocate.
DS was up every 2 hours at night for months. It wasn't fun, but he napped during the day so I'd rest. Reality is that when you're experiencing it, its somehow not as bad as you'd think it would be to run on such little sleep night after night. DD on the other hand is an awesome sleeper and slept 5-7 hour stretches within a few weeks.
Honestly, I'd love to go through it all a 3rd time because I found L&D to be such an amazing experience.....I'm just still trying to decide if I actually want the 3rd kid that comes along with it LOL
For the labor, honestly, I'm not. And I believe I have my hypnobirthing classes to thank for that. They really encourage positive thinking and at night I listen to the visualization CDs that basically have you visualize your ideal birth. Before those CDs I honestly couldn't even think about the birth without getting nervous and now I think about it and get excited. I know it probably won't be exactly like how I keep visualizing it, but I know the mind plays a large role in how certain experiences can go and I figure it's only going to help. Try finding a "Pregnancy Affirmations" CD and start doing visualization of labor and make it a positive experience. If anything it'll help calm the nerves a little!
As for being a parent... um, yeah. I'm still at the point where I can't really imagine that part. I have never dreamt nor really visualized my baby as an outside baby. My brain just won't go there! And I don't think there are any hypnosis CDs for being a parent!
B born 7/15/13, C born 3/2/15, #3 on the way May '17
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