Moms of 2+, scoot on over here!

rjeller32 · June 2013

DD1 is 2.5, DD2 is 5 months old. DD1 HATES DD2. Like, kicking and screaming if she even so much as looks at her. I have cousins with two close in age, and they said that theirs usually starting become closer after 6 months, but I can't imagine that happening anytime soon.

I thought I prepared her during pregnancy. We always talked about DD2, she came to appts with me, she got to hold her in the hospital room. But ever since she came home, DD2 has become her mortal enemy.

Yesterday, she came up to me and said "Mom, I want a sister that I like, please." It was hard not to laugh. But how do you help the relationship, or when does it get better?

I don't want to force her to play or interact, but sh*t. If she could entertain her little sister while I folded laundry or did dishes, my house would be soooo much cleaner! Lol

minervacullen · June 2013

DH and BIL hated each other, like beat each other to a pulp hate, until they we well into their twenties. They are 2 years to the day apart. DH still sort of resents his little bro because MIL still obviously favors him. From what I've heard she would blame DH when they'd not get along and with sports, she never ever missed one of BILs games and went to one of DHs all through hs.

rjeller32 · June 2013

minervacullen:
DH and BIL hated each other, like beat each other to a pulp hate, until they we well into their twenties. They are 2 years to the day apart. DH still sort of resents his little bro because MIL still obviously favors him. From what I've heard she would blame DH when they'd not get along and with sports, she never ever missed one of BILs games and went to one of DHs all through hs.

Oh I hope I don't show favoring. My sister and I are 3.5 yrs apart and to this day still don't like each other, but I was definitely the favored one. I guess even the smallest actions can affect their relationship, so I'll be keeping that in mind. Thanks for the perspective!

*LrCg* · June 2013

That's tough!! My first 2 kids are 15 months apart and adored each other from the start and 3 years later still do. The difference between DC2 and DC3 is a bit over 2 years and again all 3 adore each other, I've never dealt with regression issues, etc.

I don't think your child dislikes the baby, they probably just feel insecure on where they are in the home. Id recommend chores, setting the table, loading the dish washer, helping prepare meals... easy stuff like that. We had our kids doing this right after they could walk. I ask my kids now to babysit while I do chores. Granted its 10 or 15 minutes and I'm watching without being noticed but they think they are big stuff! Also, continue one on one time.

Notwifezilla7 · June 2013

I think it's got to be hard for her to process the idea of a baby as her sister. I would assume her prior knowledge of siblings would be an active playmate, not a baby.

Give it time. Shower her with attention and before you know it, they'll be running around together. My first two are just under two years apart and it took a good 15 months for them to interact like that. Now they're two peas in a pod...devilish little pod!

mama2many · June 2013

My 3rd couldn't stand my 4th for the first 8-9 months of her life. He would say stuff like "send that stupid baby back". They are not quite 3 yrs apart. We kept reminding him that she loved him, giving him opportunities to interact with her when she was happy and not "needy". Eventually, it evened out. Some days, they bicker and fight, some days, they are inseparable. Thankfully, none of the others have had such a seriously negative reaction. I would try to make sure that you set good (but gentle) boundaries, and make sure to give DD1 some really good 1 on 1 - and notice all the things she's doing right so that she doesn't see the baby as a reason for her bing in trouble or not getting to have you.

rjeller32 · June 2013

*LrCg*:
That's tough!! My first 2 kids are 15 months apart and adored each other from the start and 3 years later still do. The difference between DC2 and DC3 is a bit over 2 years and again all 3 adore each other, I've never dealt with regression issues, etc. I don't think your child dislikes the baby, they probably just feel insecure on where they are in the home. Id recommend chores, setting the table, loading the dish washer, helping prepare meals... easy stuff like that. We had our kids doing this right after they could walk. I ask my kids now to babysit while I do chores. Granted its 10 or 15 minutes and I'm watching without being noticed but they think they are big stuff! Also, continue one on one time.

Great idea with the chores, I'll be trying that. I guess I always think of her as a baby still, so we hadn't really gotten into chores more than picking up her toys. I think she would really enjoy being a helper

rjeller32 · June 2013

Notwifezilla7:
I think it's got to be hard for her to process the idea of a baby as her sister. I would assume her prior knowledge of siblings would be an active playmate, not a baby.
Give it time. Shower her with attention and before you know it, they'll be running around together. My first two are just under two years apart and it took a good 15 months for them to interact like that. Now they're two peas in a pod...devilish little pod!

This is the exact phrase my cousin used for her two songs, they are two years apart too. Flooded her guest bathroom haha. I will just wait it out I suppose! Thanks!

rjeller32 · June 2013

mama2many:
My 3rd couldn't stand my 4th for the first 8-9 months of her life. He would say stuff like "send that stupid baby back". They are not quite 3 yrs apart. We kept reminding him that she loved him, giving him opportunities to interact with her when she was happy and not "needy". Eventually, it evened out. Some days, they bicker and fight, some days, they are inseparable. Thankfully, none of the others have had such a seriously negative reaction. I would try to make sure that you set good (but gentle) boundaries, and make sure to give DD1 some really good 1 on 1 - and notice all the things she's doing right so that she doesn't see the baby as a reason for her bing in trouble or not getting to have you.

Such a great relief to know it can get better like it did for you. I will definitely be focusing on addressing her successes and spending 1-1 time. Thank you

dee12807 · June 2013

I can't really add much to what PP said. My DS is 2.5 and DD is 6 months and we have been sooooo lucky that he likes her. We do a ton of 1 on 1 time, he helps change her (hands me diaper, wipes, etc.), and he also likes to pick out her clothes

He told me a few weeks ago that he didn't want her in his room because that was 'his' space. I told him that we will try very hard to keep her out but sometimes she may have to be with mommy or daddy. He agreed this was ok. He has been spending more time in there playing and I think he likes his own place. Does DD1 have a place that is her own that DD2 could be 'banned' from? (Her own room, a play area, etc.)? Just thinking maybe a special space would give her a place to be away from baby?

Want a personalized experience?

Moms of 2+, scoot on over here!

Re: Moms of 2+, scoot on over here!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards