Not ready but I have baby fever!

Re: Not ready but I have baby fever!

• rjeller32 member

  June 2013

  You sound like you are thinking realistically about having a baby. You are never fully "ready" either way, but you should be financially stable, in a career, etc.. IMO (and from experience of NOT having any of that and having a LO that wasn't planned)

  Just do it when you feel you are ready. Not only ready to handle a LO, or financially, or relationship. But also for the fact that you won't have the freedom you currently have. My freedom is going to the grocery store when DH isn't terrified to be left alone at home with 2 LO's. I have had a few chances to go out with friends, but I end up missing my babies, and getting a little jealous of the freedom my friends to travel and spend more freely than I can. 

  Be glad you have the ability to think for your future generations, not just yourself and your own selfish wants
  

  
   
  

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• Mommy2Boys09 member

  June 2013

  Well at least you are thinking everything through before jumping into it. I got pregnant at 19 and we were not in a stable home, didn't have good jobs, fought ALL the time, but I thought, well we've been together 4 years we can do it. HA! I got KU, he started cheating on me ALL the time, we were also engaged, so the wedding turned into a baby shower, he left and has never been apart of my sons life (DH adopted him last year). Coming out of that type of situation I have to say, try to wait. Live your life. While I got SOO unbelievably lucky to meet a man who not only loves me but also loves my son, I wish so badly I knew what it was like to be with him without a kid. Not trying to make it sound bad, because I'm crazy over both my kids but we don't get to go out very often. We didn't really date, we hung out at one house or the other until we moved in together and later got married. You're still so young, you won't get this time back. While I understand you can't just stop wanting a baby, just enjoy your time with your FH. Get married, get a stable home, save money, HAVE FUN, go on vacation, and then work on having a baby. Babies can change a relationship, and not usually for the better so you both should grow and mature together some more before going down that road. I think you thinking of your future children when making choices is probably a good thing, you could be much more prepared that way. Just try to relax some too. 

    

  Started Dating DH 09/03/2009 Married 07/01/2011 

  Surprise BFP 10/18/2008 EDD 06/19/2009 DS #1 Born 06/16/2009

  TTC #2 12/2010 BFP 05/15/2011 EDD 01/09/2012 DS #2 Born 01/11/2012

  DH adopted DS #1 06/25/2012

  TTC #3 06/2013 BFP 02/19/2014 EDD 10/30/2014 DS #3 Born 10/10/2014

  
  

  
  
  

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• BeckyOff member

  June 2013

  One thing you never mentioned- how does your man feel about having a kid?
  

   

  Spend time with a friend who has 10-13 year olds.  OMG the drama!!!  Especially fun is to observe during dinner and homework time.  I get to listen to my neighbor every morning fighting with his son about getting ready for school.  Every.  Single.  Morning.
  

  
  

   

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• SmileyJay member

  June 2013

  I can really understand where you are coming from. I have had baby fever since I was about 19 and I'm now almost 24. When I was 19 I was in a wonderful relationship, renting a nice little house, in college, and my boyfriend and I both had pretty decent income considering we were still in school. If we had had a baby then it would have been okay but a far cry from ideal. It would have just been struggeling to even find time for each other and I am pretty sure we wouldnt have been able to makes ends meet while still finishing our bachelor's degrees on time. I would have a 4 year old right now and I don't think the last 4 years would have gone so smoothly.

  Fast forward to now. We got married 2 years ago and had a lovely wedding and honeymoon. We finished our degrees and are looking into grad school. We bought a beautiful home in one of the best school districts in our state. We are both starting lucrative careers that will allow us to pay off debt and be stable when we start a family and so that one of us can stay home. We both want children very badly and have for years... we already love our future kiddos even though they don't exist yet. That is why we have worked so hard the last few years to be able to give them the things we never had. And no I don't mean the latest xbox games or nice clothes - we don't even have television and are too cheap anyways. But one promise I have made to myself is my kids will never hear their parents argue over money and they will go to bed every night in a secure and loving home. We both also had to grow up fast... I moved out on my own when I was 16  but that is just part of the past. We learned what we don't want and we are doing better because of it. We are planning to ttc next fall when we are overseas on vacation.

  I encourage you to learn as much as you can about pregnancy and parenting. Love your kids enough to get your life figured out before you bring them in. You have an extreme advantage by meeting your match early on. You guys need to grow together and sort out all the kinks in your relationship before bringing home a baby. Yes, other people have kids before they are ready and it all works out but setting yourself up for success is much better.

  "we have our problems but who doesn't"....I have to say that I really dislike when people just think that all relationships have problems. They really don't. I don't know who came up with that but you can work on your problems to the point that you have respect  and understanding for each other so you never really argue. That should be the goal and it is completely attainable if you both want it. My husband and I decided a long time ago that we are in this thing for the long haul... the small stuff just doesn't matter and you should be adult enough to discuss the big stuff as it comes up. Just had to say that.

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• amandamarie2 member

  June 2013

  I think I can really relate to where you're coming from. I got married last August at 19 and baby fever hit hard. I've always wanted to have kids but once we got engaged and especially married it seemed like an actual possibility not just something way off in the future. My baby fever hit all the more when friends of ours who got married around the same time we did got pregnant and suddenly instead of just all being newlyweds, 2 of 3 couples were preparing for the next step.

  That said, DH and I are still in school and so while we definitely want kids and have lots of talks about our future children, we know that now is not the right time. We plan to practice by being awesome babysitters for our friends, preparing financially, and I've been reading up on pregnancy and listening to my friends so when we are in a position to bring kids into the picture we can give them the best care possible. 

  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• ekm1121 member

  June 2013

  Yeah exactly. We know we're not financially ready or anything like that. We still need better jobs & our own place. I want to get married before we do have kids (don't remember if I mentioned that). Its just hard to get out of my head!

  -Kat

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• ekm1121 member

  June 2013

  He wants kids but not right now due to money and living arrangements just like me. We went through a little phase where we talked about the subject so much that we had it down to going over a birthing plan! We're big on being prepared for anything. Specially an unplanned pregnancy as we're not silly enough to think it can't happen to us. However, we are responsible. But things happen! So we're trying to be as prepared as possible. 

  -Kat

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