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Question for a friend: unmarried w/ a baby

Holly_1007Holly_1007 member
in Blended Families

My friend and her DD's father are not married.  They are having a really rough time and she is thinking about leaving. She is hesitant because she thinks it may get physical when she tries to take the baby.  The father is on the birth certificate but they are not married.  Does the mother automatically have custody? Should she go to the courthouse and file paperwork for Custody preemptively? Does it vary by state? If so-how can I find out what the correct steps are for her to take in our state?

Her boyfriend has never hurt her before, although he has been known to be verbally abusive.  I don't think she is scared for her life, but I think she is definitely hesitating about leaving because of the reaction he will have when she takes the little girl. 

Thanks!

                       
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Re: Question for a friend: unmarried w/ a baby

  • MrsHetzelMrsHetzel member
    If both names are on the birth certificate but no there's no CO then no custody has been established. She can leave, take her daughter, and file a motion the next day for custody. Likewise, he can file a counter motion for custody. If she leaves and takes the daughter and he demands she bring her back, she doesn't have to until a judge orders something. He can call the cops on her but all she has to say is she was scared of a use, and there is no CO to show the cops so they'll let her stay where she is. Tell her to hire an attorney immediately. No really, no matter how much research you can do online, you'll never understand family court like a licensed attorney.

    Hope this helps.
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member
    She needs to lawyer up.  And call the Domestic Abuse Hotline.  1-800-799-SAFE(7233)
    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    It varies by state. Some states if they weren't ever married the custody is automatically with the mother until a CO is established. It really depends.

    If she can't afford a lawyer she needs to look up and make a call to free legal aide in her state ASAP. they will guide her in the right direction.

    Edit to add, if she is afraid of what he will do if she tries to leave w the baby, she needs to leave while he's at work, or leave for the grocery store and never go back. Please advise her to NOT put her DD in a situation where she could possibly witness some kind of domestic violence.
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  • AlohaloveAlohalove member

    Laws vary state by state.  As other posters have already said, get an attorney.  If the situation allows it, she should talk to an attorney before she leaves and get her ducks in a row.  Also, if she's afraid to leave, she can call the police and explain the situation and they'll wait there while she packs the car up and leaves.    

      

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  • twister22twister22 member
    It varies by state. In my state, BM has legal custody of the child without having to go to court. That means BM has the right to decide:
    • the right to restrict visitation;
    • the right to enroll the child in school;
    • the right to obtain medical treatment;
    • the right to get public benefits for the child; and
    • the right to do anything else a parent with legal custody can do
    Only if the BD files for a CO and rights are established does the BD have legal rights.
    Your friend needs a lawyer and a POA ASAP. 
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  • ldmessingldmessing member
    this is why I am so against the fathers name going on a birth certificate if the parents aren't married. 
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