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Attachment Parenting
acia
member
My heart is breaking - mourning the loss of breastfeeding :-(
acia
member
Well, I can officially say that my 13-month-old has weaned herself from my breast - and I'm so devastated by it all.
It's not so much that I miss the breastfeeding (though I do), but it's just the way that it all happened that makes me so sad. She got pretty sick with a cold a couple weeks ago and had a high fever, and was nursing almost constantly throughout the night for a couple days (as comfort and because she was barely eating during the day). I'm not sure what happened, if her tummy hurt from eating so much or if she somehow connected the fever or feeling sick to nursing, but after a couple nights of constant nursing, she suddenly wanted nothing to do with my breasts. Like, she'd pull away and scream and hit me if I so much as put her near my breasts, even if I just sat with her in the chair I usually nursed in, even if she was super hungry.
After more than a week of trying everything to get her back on the boob with zero success, I finally gave up. She wants nothing to do with it and it was stressing her (and me) out every time I'd try.
I know the hormones are probably playing a role, but I find myself just feeling so sad and guilty about it all. It sounds silly writing it down, and I know many people would be happy to make it to 13 months, but I feel so rejected and hurt.... I so, so wish I had known that the last time I nursed her would be the final time, so I could have enjoyed it and soaked it all in. I nursed my older daughter until she was 2+, and I expected to do the same with my baby. I feel like I've really failed her.
Has anyone else had any experience "mourning" the loss of breastfeeding? How do I get myself past this?
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Re: My heart is breaking - mourning the loss of breastfeeding :-(
I was sad when DS1 weaned even though I was also ready. Sometimes I wish I had tandem nursed. Do you think it's just a nursing strike and you should pump for awhile? Either way, sorry for your abrupt stop.
I'm so sorry this happened.
I am just wondering if there is a possibility of you offering her the breast when she is very sleepy at night or before waking from nap or in the morning? Maybe if she was very drowsy and you offered, she would just instinctively latch on, without the conscious feelings that she was having before that made her refuse? If that makes sense.
But to answer your original question, I think it's completely normal to mourn. I get emotional whenever I think I about the future when DS' and my breastfeeding relationship will come to an end.
Whatever happens, I hope you find some peace and enjoy the memories of all the snuggles and milkies your DD did get from breastfeeding.
I second the recommendation from PP that you could try to woo her back to the breast when she is very sleepy or already asleep. Best of luck!
Thanks so much for the replies, ladies.... I realize it is probably a strike and not that she's actually ready to wean, but I just don't know how to get past this strike!
I actually tried the nursing-while-sleeping thing a few days ago - but it failed miserably. I picked up her up out of her crib around 11pm (after she'd been asleep for a few hours) and tried to put her to my breast. She freaked out, started screaming - and then I had to spend over an hour trying to calm her down and get her to sleep, which was a disaster because I usually calm her by nursing her and apparently I have no idea how to settle her without my boobs.
I'm a bit hesitant to try again, but is there a trick to this? What's the secret to just getting her to latch on instinctively? She takes a pacifier at night so I know she likes to suck, so I sort of thought I could just replace the paci with my boob and she'd just keep sucking. But yeah, that was a big fail.