only one kid now?

FrenchFry13 · June 2013

DH has always said he'd like two kids. Then he started freaking out about money, and started thinking one, maybe two.

He now definitely only wants one. I finally pinned him down on why, and he said he couldn't handle all this stress again -- especially with a kid already here. (I've been really sick and exhausted to the point where I barely even try to do any housework anymore. He does everything. I try, but usually end up puking my guts out if I get too warm at all, smell anything bad, etc.)

He's been a doll and hasn't complained at all. Now I find out that he's super stressed!

I feel bad for not being able to help more. I am sad that now he only wants one kid -- but also thinking that might not be so bad...but that could be the morning sickness talking! Actually, I'm not even sure what to think...

Please know that I am NOT complaining about my husband. He's amazing, really.

golfingdarwinfish · June 2013

It's still really, really early, and possibly not the right time to be discussing having a second since things are so dynamic right now. I would revisit this topic after LO arrives.

FrenchFry13 · June 2013

True. Just frustrated -- we are both those annoying "planning" type people. Ha ha ha!

J&PJax · June 2013

VCGolfNYC:
It's still really, really early, and possibly not the right time to be discussing having a second since things are so dynamic right now. I would revisit this topic after LO arrives.

this.

DH had a hard time adjusting during the newborn phase and hinted that maybe we should stop at 1. Now he's excited about having another. It might be a roller coaster for a while.

utlawgirl · June 2013

Yeah, give him some time... and give yourself some time too! There's no problem with being one and done if that's what you agree on, but this is a really difficult time. Wait until you have a baby who sleeps through the night and THEN talk.

macadamia03 · June 2013

My husband said he wanted two kids when we met. One boy one girl. Then after we got married I told him I wanted 5 years of just us and then I would be ready to get to baby making. I've always wanted at least two kids. So as it got closer and closer to the 5 year point he began to freak out. He wasn't sure he wanted kids blah blah blah. Then finally at the six year point I told him that I could be patient but I know that I am meant to be a mom. He finally agreed that he was just scared and we gave it a go. After one month of trying we were pg with DS. He then said DS would be an only child. He said that for a year. I had always said I wanted my kids to be about two years apart and he agreed it was a good gap. He however did not agree that we should have two. I gave him his space and didn't push the issue but made it clear that I love my brother and wouldn't trade him for any privilege that comes with single childness. One day he came to me and said ok. I think that when the time comes you will know what is right for your family. Just enjoy the little one you have on the way and don't stress about the future. Who knows how your DH will feel then.

ashabe2530 · June 2013

I can completely relate! My DH has been the same way! Wanted 2 kids but now is sold on just the one! I have just asked him to keep an open mind and mentioned that a lot of women have it hard but they still think its worth it to go through again. I think it's hard for us ftm's because we can't hold or see our little one to realize how much this suffering is so worth it. My suggestion, just ask him to keep an open mind and who knows where you'll be in a year!

n8swife · June 2013

VCGolfNYC:
It's still really, really early, and possibly not the right time to be discussing having a second since things are so dynamic right now.nbsp; I would revisit this topic after LO arrives.

Yes, totally this. The newborn stage was really rough on our marriage so if you would have asked my H at that point, he would have said be never wanted another child. He obviously got over it.

amberpro · June 2013

DH said the same thing soon after DS was born. This is too hard, pregnancy is difficult, newborns are exhausting, too expensive, on and on. He kept singing that tune until DS was a little over a year. Then he missed having a baby and wanted to try again.

I say drop the topic and bring it up when you feel you're ready for another. Chances are, he'll have forgotten the bad stuff and be ready, too.

FutureMrsCaesar · June 2013

amberpro:
DH said the same thing soon after DS was born. This is too hard, pregnancy is difficult, newborns are exhausting, too expensive, on and on. He kept singing that tune until DS was a little over a year. Then he missed having a baby and wanted to try again. I say drop the topic and bring it up when you feel you're ready for another. Chances are, he'll have forgotten the bad stuff and be ready, too.

yeeeep. This happened to us, twice! I'm a type A hardcore planner also but I just had to learn to let it go. I decided I'd worry about it when I was ready for another. And guess what? Both times he was ready to try for another before I was.

playball13 · June 2013

DH and I always talked about having 2. Then I had my DS and I had a horrible recovery from his birth. I became very ill from an infection from the hospital and was hospitalized for a week when he was only 2 weeks old. After that experience, we both changed our minds and decided to become a one and done family. It was nice for a while but deep down, we both knew we always wanted 2. It took a long time, DS is 5, but we finally felt ready to add to our family. You never really know what the future holds, take time to enjoy your little one and I am sure DH will be ready for second before you know it.

FrenchFry13 · June 2013

Thank you everyone for your wonderful advice. It was very helpful and I feel much better now. I will definitely just focus on the present for now -- after all, it is a pretty amazing present!

MamaGrillo · June 2013

There are a few times not to make decisions.... This is one of them. When your pregnancy is not a dream, it grts VERY stressful.
My husband is a good man, great dad to our 3 girls, but I kid you not, I consider just how feasible divorce would be when I'm pregnant! I get super sick, the house is a disaster zone for a few months. He's a total neat freak and can't stand it. We fight an argue like no other time.
Baby comes, life is good. Married 13 years. 8th pregnancy, 3 kids, 4th on the way. Lived to tell the tale!

lp0 · June 2013

DH wanted two kids but after DS was born he said he only wanted one. That only lasted a couple months and then he was back to two again. I think LD freaked him out [he really hated feeling so helpless and hospitals freak him out] so he needed some time to recover lol.

esf60 · June 2013

I was always terrified of getting pregnant, but now that I am, I love it. My husband has always wanted 2 kids, and I was on board. Now I'm thinking 3 and my husband is kiiiind of freaking out.

BellaElla79 · June 2013

My H was like this after DS showed up. Really putting the breaks on with having number two. But here I am pregnant again. He came around. Babies and pregnancy are stressful. It's a marathon with hard obstacles but some incredibly amazing moments.

I always tell my friends who are about to be ftm's your life is about ready to get awesome and very exhausting at the same time.

jmb527 · June 2013

utlawgirl:
Yeah, give him some time... and give yourself some time too! There's no problem with being one and done if that's what you agree on, but this is a really difficult time. Wait until you have a baby who sleeps through the night and THEN talk.

this.

hfitz · June 2013

I can relate to your DH. My husband and I always thought we wanted multiple children but this pregnancy has been so hard on me I honestly can't imagine voluntarily doing it again. I'm an only child and lately have been thinking about how my life was impacted by that. There were some negatives of course, but there were also many good experiences and things I wouldn't have done if I weren't an only so I'm pretty comfortable choosing that lifestyle. I also have a chronic health problem that will make managing even one child difficult, never mind multiples. That's become more apparent with pregnancy.

Maybe I will change as time goes on. Your DH may change as well. It's really early to tell.

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