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Conflicted about BD's parents

20thirteen20thirteen member
in Single Parents

BD's mom, who I dread talking to, threw a baby shower for me this past Sunday.  And it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.  I mean, minus the games she wanted all of us to play, it was really laid back and chill. But she must've spent at least $500 on food and decorations alone.  And the gift table was about half from her and her husband with the other half from my friends and family.  I am so conflicted about dealing with her because she is trying so hard to be the best grandmother ever (seeing as how this may be her only shot at it) but at the same time, her parenting advice is... well... she raised BD, and I don't think I have to say any more about that.  I also found out some disturbing things that she had done while she was raising her sons.  

She still *expects* me to skype and call and everything under the sun so that she can talk to my daughter (because she and her husband are moving many states away) but I am not sure how comfortable I am with that while at the same time, she has gone overboard on clothes, toys, and other necessities. I requested that she never show her son any photos and that this all I'm asking for at this point (as my daughter gets older, I will then ask her not to talk about her son to her, because I am the one that will tell her when I think she's old enough.  I don't want her hearing secondhand) but she already broke my trust about not revealing my daughter's name to her son, so I don't even want to send her pictures. Ugh... Any one got any advice on what I should do?  I mean, I should probably just suck it up and deal with her... but she stresses me out so much.

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Re: Conflicted about BD's parents

  • babymama619babymama619 member
    Families come I'm all shapes and sizes, but most are size crazy. You cannot tell her what to tell her don or how to patent. In the end BD is her baby and she probably has delusions that he will somehow shape up. Furthermore, you can't stop her from showing BD pictures. Are you not going to post any online? If you would then anyone can see them including him. Maybe just maybe they'll make him realized he fEd up and he won't to it to a future child. Either way, her actions really do not affect you or your daughter.

    Take a breath! Be thankful for the shower and the gifts. But remember, when shelves and baby is here everything in your life will change and her demands will only be allowed on your time, when you answer the phone or Skype.

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  • Runaway22Runaway22 member
    imagetifanico:

    It is not about the gifts and all the stuff she bought, it is about her making an effort to be part of your daughter life and that is far more important than your desire to keep BD seeing pictures of your daughter.

    If I were in your situation, I would make the effort to Skype and talk to her on the phone. Do it for your little girl. 

    ITA. She may be a PITA, and directly related to someone you've grown to despise, but she *is* family. It's frustrating when people give unsolicited parenting advice, but you're going to get that from a lot of other people, too, so get used to ignoring it while nodding and smiling ;)  Shoot, I've gotten parenting advice from NON parents before, and my LO is barely 3 months. Seriously, lol.
    As to the pics, there's not much you can do there. It's reasonable that you ask her not to talk about BD to your LO until you deem it appropriate, but I don't think it's reasonable to cut her out of LO's life just because of your feelings towards BD. It really isn't necessarily her fault he turned out to be a d-bag, either. He's an adult and makes his own choices, and she cannot control him and shouldn't try.  
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  • MomToNeenersMomToNeeners member

    I agree with PP's but also you need to outline some boundaries, in my opinion anyways. She can bark orders at you all she wants, but at the end of the day it's up to you to decide what's best for your LO. 

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  • tig594tig594 member

    First off, good luck keeping her from sharing anything with her son.  He may be a douche but he's still her son and that bond is stronger than any you or your LO will have with her. 

     

    Second, if they are moving away it kind of puts the ball in your court. They can't just pop in and you will be very busy and very tired when your baby arrives.    You won't have much time to connect with them for awhile.  Smile

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