SIL 'calling' a name

FromCTtoCA · June 2013

Not sure how you all feel- DH wants to use his greatgrandmother's name- Nora. I'm not sold and we won't know till baby is here. Do you agree with people calling names? I don't want to be cranky about the name, she just got engaged, and not getting married till almost a year after this baby is due. looking for some input

Kyleedawn08 · June 2013

in my close family we do this but its only when we are dead serious about a name. my sister called Ava, my cousin called Naomi, I called Chloe. whether we use them as FN or MN, they are off limits. yes, kind of weird, but they are family names that the other could take and we are close enough to where it wouldn't work for the kids to have the same name.

theimpossibleastronaut · June 2013

No one calls a name.

That being said, if my best friend or twin brother truly loved a name and I was on the fence about it, I'd strike it from my list. But those are the only people who would get that consideration really.

olemissreb1205 · June 2013

They may never get pregnant or have a child of that particular sex .And I have NO problem telling people this.nbsp; My sister tried to "call" the names Madison which I loathe and Hunter which I like.nbsp; I laughed and told her to get pregnant first and THEN worry about the names.

Agree 100 percent

Whitterpow · June 2013

My sis and I are pregnant at the same time, but she is due first. I just was very open about the names I really liked and trusted she wouldn't use the names we picked, but never called them off limits. She ended up picking one of my top names, but she fell in love with it and asked me if I would be upset, but it really didn't bother me and I found another that I like more.

annabelle.27 · June 2013

Your SIL does not get to demand that she is the only one in the family to honour great grandma. However, that goes both ways. If you use Nora, she still has the right to use it if she wishes.

caittozer · June 2013

I feel torn about this. I definitely understand the whole concept of no one owning a name but I'm the only girl with three brothers so somehow that makes me feel like I should be the one that gets to use my grandmothers name. We were all very close to her but she passed away before any of us met out significant others.

Dr.Loretta · June 2013

If you both love it, use it. When she has a kid, then she gets to figure out a name.

Done

sunlavender · June 2013

I don't think anyone gets to call a name. With that said, if a family member I was close with, asked me not to use a name because they truly loved it. I would probably honor their request.

JemmaWRX · June 2013

Happy_Yahoo_Personaler:
No. No one "owns" or can "call" a name. They may never get pregnant or have a child of that particular sex. And I have NO problem telling people this. My sister tried to "call" the names Madison (which I loathe) and Hunter (which I like). I laughed and told her to get pregnant first and THEN worry about the names.

Agreed. I told my sister a long time ago I wanted to use Lena (prior to actively TTC, we might not have even been married yet). She got pregnant with a little girl and named her Leah. I was a little disappointed but of course there was nothing I could do. For all I know I will never have a girl!

mrsjenni · June 2013

Meh... if I wanted to use it, I'd use it. It's your DH's grandmother too.

awesnap · June 2013

My brother called names when I was pregnant with DD. they weren't family names and ones I wouldn't use so it didn't bother me. Now I expect them to use those names, even if its in three years. If they don't I will be a little WTF.

If I had a sibling use a family name before I could I would probably use it in the middle name spot instead. Still honoring family, KWIM?

TarHeels&Rebels · June 2013

Whitterpow:
I just was very open about the names I really liked and trusted she wouldn't use the names we picked, but never called them off limits. She ended up picking one of my top names, but she fell in love with it and asked me if I would be upset, but it really didn't bother me and I found another that I like more.

SIL and I have talked names at length. We have different styles so that helps, but this above is our approach to it - just being respectful of the other person and asking if they'd be ok with it. ... Kind of how we handle anything sensitive/personal.

caramia582 · June 2013

This is a pet peeve of mine. No one gets to call a name before they're even pregnant. Sorry SIL.

RedPeppah · June 2013

My aunts and uncles were like that but my siblings and step siblings have never ran into this hurdle yet.

brookelynpaisley · June 2013

No one "owns" a name. That said, I wouldn't use something a sibling wants, personally. Not worth the family tension. Or I would talk with her about using it as a MN - there's no reason a relative can't be honored twice, but I wouldn't be okay with first cousins having the same FN.

zaramarie81 · June 2013

annabelle.27:
Your SIL does not get to demand that she is the only one in the family to honour great grandma. However, that goes both ways. If you use Nora, she still has the right to use it if she wishes.

This.

That said, I have shyed away from some family names knowing others feel more strongly about them than I do (especially stepfamily. I feel like I do not get dibs on stepfamily family names no matter how close I feel to them).

ETA: Probably the most ridiculous aspect of calling a name for me is the reality that most folks will change their minds once they are holding a real, live baby. Not all, but a significant percentage. There have been names "called" in my family that went unused even when the child of the correct sex arrived. (And we crossed off many names I was sure we'd use when we got pregnant for real).

plunderb · June 2013

First born, first named.

And family names are fair game for all family members. If a grandparent or great-grandparent was well beloved, I would expect there to be more than one little namesake in the new generation.

nearly_klo · June 2013

We used one of dh's grandmothers names. We knew it would piss off his sister and cousin. He loved it, and her, just like they did. We just announced it when she arrived and nobody complained. We figured they may never have a girl or their husbands may not agree to it. It's also a middle name for our dd, and we are fully prepared for it to be repeated.