Community› The Bump Message Boards› Babies: 3 - 6 Months
Babies: 3 - 6 Months
New Discussion

PP (Marriage) Blues

kgrobotkgrobot member
in Babies: 3 - 6 Months
I know I'm exhausted and irritable, but all DH and I do now is squabble, and I find myself resenting him, picking fights, and losing my cool over little things. I have broached the topic of marriage counseling with him and he seems open to it. Has anyone else tried this, and have you felt that it was helpful? 
Report Reply to Post

Re: PP (Marriage) Blues

  • =Lee=B=Lee=B member

    We haven't needed it since the baby was born but a few years back we did couples therapy due to my husbands mother and sister's manipulative ways and their talent of getting in between the 2 of us.

    Anyways, we did find it very useful.  We were given many strategies to use both with other people and with each other that we still use today when things are tough.

    I have a degree in psychology (I am NOT a psychologist) and I can honestly say that the people who are wise enough to seek out counselling when life gets tough are the ones that can work to overcome anything.

    If the two of you work to solidify your relationship now you will both be better positioned to make it through the difficult toddler years and the teenage years (which are taxing on parental relationships).

    Best of luck!

     

    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • a eliza13a eliza13 member
    Haven't tried counseling, so I can't answer that, but I know how you feel. Ever since DS has been born, things have been different. Other people have told us the first year after baby is very hard and to just get through it the best you can. I'm trying to adjust to all the changes, and having a baby who doesn't sleep doesn't help the situation. I think it's all pretty normal, but if you both feel like trying counseling, I don't think it will hurt. Just know you're not the only one! 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • bergerbridebergerbride
    It's totally normal to hate your husband the first year after having a baby... No joke. My hubs and I went thru this after our first, it's been way better with our second, no issues at all. Just try to see his side of things... I know you feel like you are doing most all of the work.. because, let's be real, you are! ;) but for him this is a big change too... He's no longer the center of attention, you guys don't have any down time to yourselves anymore, etc. You guys will get through it!!! 
    Report Reply
  • portentosaportentosa member

    I think DH and I are having a fairly easy go of babyhood so far BECAUSE of counseling. We went through it together almost three years ago as my stipulation for even considering staying in a relationship with him when he was dealing with some serious depression issues that led to drinking and anger issues.

    Specific to our situation, we dove into the root causes of DH's depression and anger and learned what his triggers for drinking were... so we could avoid them. In general, counseling gave us both the tools to communicate more effectively and not let anger or resentment get in between us. We both make a daily conscious effort to point out what we appreciate the other one for and to understand what the other one is dealing with. Not always easy, but definitely worth the effort.

    Report Reply
  • tashadee75tashadee75

    One positive thing is that he is actually open to it. Sometimes it's hard for men to even admit that the marriage can use counseling. So the fact that he is open is a good thing. 

    But I think that like the previous posters have said, that first year is likely the toughest and I believe a lot of us can relate to that. Having a baby can definitely change the dynamics of the marriage or relationship. 

    Report Reply
  • DublinMamaDublinMama member
    DH and I go to separate counseling, but it does make a huge difference in our relationship. We had been going prior to having DS, though. DH has PTSD from a traumatic childhood experience, and he can be very hard to live with at times. It has made a big impact in how we communicate with one another, and it allows us to say what we want to say about each other and get helpful feedback about our perception of things. I think 90% of married couples probably would benefit from marriage counseling, even if they're relationship is rock solid.
    image
    Report Reply
  • JeanneplusoneJeanneplusone member
    I haven't gone to marriage counseling since the required premarital sessions that our church asked us to do, but several of my friends and their spouses have recently.  They have spoken highly of how much it is helping them.  I think it is a wonderful way to open up communication and if they are anything like my hubby and I we usually argue when we aren't communicating well.  Try it, can't hurt and will probably be a big help.  I have great respect for the church based counselors out there if you are a church person, if not there are lots of secular counselors too!
    Report Reply
  • Jcat123Jcat123 member
    My DH have been fighting the past month.  He is moody and I've always been the constant cheery one, but I've changed.  He has had a lot of trouble dealing with my emotions and we talked about going to counseling.  I think it is great he is open to it.  As for my situation, I finally went to the dr and got some meds to help for a few months.  I just wasn't myself.  Hopefully it will help DH get back on track and not fight every day.  Good luck to you!  Having a baby really turns your world up-side-down!
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"