Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
earthmama2011
member
Re: Repeat C Sections, Judged *long*
It might be difficult, but don't let anyone make you feel bad about a RCS. It's no one's business but yours and your doctor's. Be excited about your baby and tell anyone who tries to take away that excitement to go to hell... or tell them that it's between you and your doctor, but if they persist, then tell them to go to hell.
I had the opposite experience. I wanted a VBAC and everyone I knew kept trying to discourage me or said I was taking too big of a risk. I even had a huge fight with my H over his negativity. In the end, I tried for a VBAC, but ended up having a RCS. It was my choice and nothing anyone said had any bearing on it.
I haven't had anyone look down on me for having a RCS, and it is my choice. My doctor said I would be a good candidate for a VBAC but I am choosing not too. DDs birth was scary and DH is completely on board with me having a RCS, he actually wanted me too.
People do ask why I am having one, and I tell them what happened with DD, they have never seemed too judgy.
I am sorry you are dealing with all that negativity.
I don't know if it makes a difference either but I live in California. Pretty much everybody I know has had a c-section. Nobody seems to blink an eye at it. I think people who say they want to go natural tend to get a bit more grief which may be odd to you, but that is what I have noticed.
The only times I get the reactions you are getting is on message boards. Strangers on the internet. I felt the need to defend myself several times, but after awhile....I just stopped caring what they thought. Like who cares right? They don't know me or my situation. I just tell them flat out, "I had to have an emergency c-section. The surgery and recovery went well. Baby was born healthy and I am happy with that." That is that, I don't try to explain myself any further. I think the same could be applied in your situation with these face to face encounters. When they ask you why just tell say, "Because it is my decision and I feel that decision is best for my family." Leave it at that.
I always got: Don't you want a VBAC?
i laughed in their face.
I owed people no explanations for what I chose to do with my body.
I totally understand what your saying. When people find out I'm having a RCS the tone of their voice changes. You should be proud of your birth story, no matter what others think. It is your experience and that's all that matters. People get very judgemental about c sections and I think they don't have a right to.
My 2nd DD was an emergency c section and my 3rd DD I qualified to try a VBAC until she turned right before delivery and had a RCS. With this one I was not given a choice. But to be honest if I was I'm not sure I would have done it given the risks and the horrible experience I had with my first delivery.
I think every person has a different story and reason for the choices they make and while they may be the right choice for me they could be wrong for another but I would never force my opinion on someone.
So hold your head high and let go of the guilt. This is your story and if it ends with a RCS then it does. You shouldn't feel bad about that. Good luck!
Before I was pregnant I totally assumed C-sections were for the "too posh to push" (never heard that and love the expression). I totally thought anyone going in for a scheduled section must be on the 90210 plan and getting lipo while they were at it. I was completely judgy.
Now with my C-section SCHEDULED for next week I feel bad for all the secret judging. There are so many reasons a mom NEEDS a section or just chooses to have one. I'm still trying to get past some of my judgment, but I bet those people are just not ok with their C-section.
Someone has an opinion if you go natural or totally knocked out. Let them judge and know you are doing what is right for you!
Don't worry about other people. FWIW, I planned for and successfully had a VBAC. My entire pregnancy when people heard that I was having a VBAC, they'd make comments about how selfish it was and that my baby could die. Of course, these were all the people who hadn't read one iota of scientific research and obviously had no clue what they were talking about.
Bottom line- if you were having a VBAC, there would be plenty of people making you feel bad about that too. Not sure what it is with people and telling other people that they are doing childbirth "wrong".
Regarding the bolded, you grew a human being for nine long months and then gave birth to him/her and you are doing it again. That is something to be proud of regardless of how the baby came into the world.
Wear your C-section scar with pride and don't let people make you feel bad about it.
Whenever people ask me why I had a C-section or tell me that I didn't have to give birth the "hard way", I tell them that I have a healthy LO and that is all that matters to me.
Good luck with your RCS!
I usually responded with "whyyyy would I want to tear up my lady parts when I've already got the abdominal scar? I also enjoy my current level of bladder control."
I was excited for my second c section. Those who knew my first birth story understood why a vbac was not for me (super crappy induction leading to emergency c section and me being put under and not seeing my son born). i also know ttwo moms who ruptured during their VBACs. Not.cool.
I had 2 c-sections and I know where you are coming from.
I usually found some weird uncomfortable way to try and defend my situation (even though I shouldnt have to).
Finally, after being asked several times by an annoying person at work I said, "cause I don't have a vagina!" She never asked again.
~after 34 cycles we finally got our 2nd little bundle of joy~
My IF blog
Yeah, I can't imagine anyone is jealous of someone going through major surgery. Any more than you are jealous than their med-free births (which it sounds like you are not). Doesn't make it right for others to judge anyone's birth, including those judging the OP.
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BWAHAHAHA....that's my internal monologue exactly when people ask if I plan to have a c-section again this time! I've only had the guts to say it a couple times though.
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