Natural Birth

DH not super interested in natural birth...WWYD

This is my 2nd time around on this but I guess I just need some encouragement from Mamas who know :)  My husband is great, don't get me wrong, he is supportive in whatever I want.  He just doesn't seem to want to be involved, I don't know if it is he is uncomfortable or what, but every time I bring the natural birth up or water birth or birth plans he just is like whatever you want.  I've told him many times that I want this to be something we are in together, but he just doesn't seem to get it.  Any other mamas out there who made it through alone without a coach/doula?  We can't afford a doula right now so it's just going to be me.  I had a med free birth with my DD but I feel like I barely made it through.  Just starting to get nervous that I won't be able to do it this time.
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Re: DH not super interested in natural birth...WWYD

  • He's probably nervous/wary about all the effort 'going natural' takes.  It's scary/overwhelming for the dads who hate to see their wives in pain.  But since you've done it before likely it will be a shorter labor.  And there are so many benefits to you and baby for going natural - can you remind him that that's why you're doing it - and you'd like his support - and then let him consider it - not to 'belabor' it (excuse the pun).  In the meantime, do you have a friend or family member who could be with you?  I know you can't afford the expense of a doula - but many doulas offer reduced rates for those who need them, or find a student doula - one we interviewed was a quarter the cost of the more expensive ones - definitely worth a couple calls - you might be surprised at what you can pull together.  

     Good luck!   

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  • I'd look for a student doula that will attend your birth for free or I'd recruit a friend (or mom or sister) that had a med-free birth to help support you.
  • My husband is very much like yours, he is supportive in whatever I want but isn't very involved.  I just made sure that he could advocate for me if I was unable to and he really stepped up to the plate and encouraged me, got me whatever I wanted/needed during labor, etc.  I didn't have a coach or doula other than my DH either time and I did fine.  Good luck!
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  • imagelalamakita:

    He's probably nervous/wary about all the effort 'going natural' takes.  It's scary/overwhelming for the dads who hate to see their wives in pain.  But since you've done it before likely it will be a shorter labor.  And there are so many benefits to you and baby for going natural - can you remind him that that's why you're doing it - and you'd like his support - and then let him consider it - not to 'belabor' it (excuse the pun).  In the meantime, do you have a friend or family member who could be with you?  I know you can't afford the expense of a doula - but many doulas offer reduced rates for those who need them, or find a student doula - one we interviewed was a quarter the cost of the more expensive ones - definitely worth a couple calls - you might be surprised at what you can pull together.  

     Good luck!   

    This my husband is the exact same way, very supportive but not really involved and I really did not think we could afford a Doula but ours was so willing to work with us also as PP said Student Doulas will do it for next to nothing.

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  • This is my DH exactly. He loves and supports me, but he doesn't want me to be in pain at all. He has white coat syndrome so he drops like a fly at the sight of a doctor, Im hoping this birth my mother won't have to hold him up haha I trying to get him involved by reading him sections of books, or asking his help picking out a birthing tub, and he will be attending a class with me. But I will be getting a doula haha I'm actually training to be a doula and my best friend is as well, so she will be mine!
  • CLLDLLCLLDLL member

    Mine was the same way through my whole 2nd pregnancy.  He didn't exactly laugh at me  saying I wanted to go med free, but he wasn't that excited about it.  Then I went into labor.  All of a sudden it became obvious that he really had been listening to me.  He was telling every nurse he could that I was going natural so not to offer me meds.  He was running around getting me ice packs and applying counter-pressure like a pro.  He held me legs when I pushed and instructed the nurse to quit counting so I could push on my body's count. 

    So my advice would be to just keep talking to him about it.  Make sure he knows what you want.  Write out a birth plan and make him read it.  He may just surprise you on the big day.  If he doesn't it, it's not a bad idea to have a back-up support person like a mom/sister/BFF/student doula.

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  • Do you have any female friends or family members who have had natural birth, especially recently? They are your best bet- you need support!
    TTC since 1/2008
    BFP 7/2009 m/c
    BFP 9/2009 m/c
    Clomid IUI 12/2010, 1/2011, 2/2011 All BFN
    IVF #1 6/2011 BFN, no frosties
    IVF #2 2/2012 BFP
    DD born 10/2012
    FET 9/3/2013 BFN, no more frosties
    IVF # 3 11/3/13 Canceled after retrieval d/t severe OHSS, 3 frosties
    FET #3 2/2014 BFP Twins!
    B/G Twins born 9/2014 at 36w4d

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  • Thanks ladies!  The student doula thing is a great idea, but I know there are none around, I am traveling an hour just to find a midwife and birth center as it is.  Natural birth isn't super popular around here, so I am the only one of my friends to attempt it, my sis in law did have 2 natural births, her last being in March, so she is still getting adjusted with the baby, but maybe I will see if she could come for a few hours or be on call for me just in case.  Thanks again!
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  • imagegracerunner21:
    Thanks ladies! nbsp;The student doula thing is a great idea, but I know there are none around, I am traveling an hour just to find a midwife and birth center as it is. nbsp;Natural birth isn't super popular around here, so I am the only one of my friends to attempt it, my sis in law did have 2 natural births, her last being in March, so she is still getting adjusted with the baby, but maybe I will see if she could come for a few hours or be on call for me just in case. nbsp;Thanks again!


    Do you know there are none around or assume there are none? I only ask because I was shocked when my MW told me that there are some nursing students at Johns Hopkins who have doula training and provide free service. I would never have thought to look for doula services through such a large institutional type place. Maybe ask your MW if she knows of any doula services that may be low or no cost?
  • My husband is sort of the same way. He's supportive that I want a natural birth and was into hiring a doula (probably more so he can get a break while I'm in labor) so that's good, but he doesn't seem too interested in figuring out how he can help me through labor or reading books like Bradley Method. It's a little frustrating at times, but I just try to educate him when I read an interesting tidbit or find something I think will be useful during labor. He has been really involved in other parts of the pregnancy, so I'm thankful for that!
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