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Unconcerned Partier

ashleeyo23ashleeyo23 member
in Dads & Dads-to-be

I am pregnant with my first. My husband, who was horrified at first, claims to have come around after a month or so and become excited. But now, at 17 weeks, he has started into - what I believe to be - a downward spiral.

 He wants to spend as much time as possible with friends...SINGLE, irresponsible and woman-crazed friends. His excuse is "I'm not going to be able to soon." OK, ok, I get that. But you can't just leave me high and dry for the next 5 months just so you can get your kicks in...I'm lonely and feeling very very neglected.

Recently, he's been going out DURING THE WEEK...staying out much too late for a grown man, and waking me up in the process of coming home. I'm a super light sleeper and have asked that if he wants to stay out that late, that he sleeps in the guest room as to not wake me (I have a very hard time falling back to sleep, which leaves me with migraines the next day.) He REFUSES to sleep in the other room. Instead he lies to my face - telling me he'll be home at a decent time, then crawls into bed hours after that time, waking me, and NOT CARING in the slightest.

I've really had enough of it,but nothing I do - explaining, confiding, even nagging - gets through to him. He simply doesn't care. What the heck has gotten into him? Is this normal? I feel like he could care less that I'm housing his child and trying to stay healthy - which includes sleeping - in order to do a good job at that.

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Re: Unconcerned Partier

  • futant462futant462 member

    I don't know how old you two are.  If he's young then I would consider his behavior to be rather normal for someone not used to an extreme life change such as this.  Maybe compromise with him, tell him weekends are okay but not weekdays?  

    As with most posts of this kind on the Dad's board, I'm assuming there's a lot of information you're leaving out.  Regardless, as PP said, simply explain your expectations to him in easy-to-understand terms.

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  • T3hHusbandT3hHusband member
    If he just wants to party it up, I say go for it. On the weekend, maybe once every other weekends with the guys from work. I consider myself young, at 26. But, even 2 years ago, when my wife was ktfu with my son I stayed home. Came home after work. If I wanted to stay out with my friends, I let her know. And I was usually home before dark.
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  • futant462futant462 member

    imageT3hHusband:
    If he just wants to party it up, I say go for it. On the weekend, maybe once every other weekends with the guys from work. I consider myself young, at 26. But, even 2 years ago, when my wife was ktfu with my son I stayed home. Came home after work. If I wanted to stay out with my friends, I let her know. And I was usually home before dark.

    Whoa whoa whoa...you seem WAY too reasonable. 

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  • T3hHusbandT3hHusband member
    That's what happens, when you have your first child at 17. Kinda have to grow up quick. Not much of an issue considering my Bio mother left my sister and I to fend for ourselves, so she can go do the party thing.
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  • WulfgarWulfgar member

    Don't know much about the two of you, but was he always like this?  If you both have college degrees was he one of the Frat boys?  If so, you might want to get professional help to get him to understand what his partying is doing to you.

     That being said, it sounds like your husband needs to grow up.  Instead of spending money going out he should be saving it to make the first year of having the child easier.

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  • ashleeyo23ashleeyo23 member
    We are both 26, with college degrees and good jobs. Yes, he is probably on the immature side. And no, he was not a frat boy. I've tried talking to him. It goes in one ear and out the other. I would love to hear his side of the story, too. But I can't even get him to tell me how he feels or what he's thinking about all this. Thanks for the advice! I'll keep you posed on any changes or breakthroughs.
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  • ashleeyo23ashleeyo23 member

    More background for those of you curious types.

     We've been married for three years, he's in the USAF, we've owned our own home for over a year...so when I say 'immature' I mean emotionally - not in regards to achievements. 

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  • LittleFish1LittleFish1 member
    Female lurker. He is being a @ss based on what you are saying. With him refusing to sleep in the guest room,and continuing to come in late, why not sleep in the guestroom yourself? Hopefully you can get a good nights sleep and maybe, he will figure out that you are p.o.ed and changes his ways.... maybe.
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  • ashleeyo23ashleeyo23 member
    During the week he stays out til 11 or later, which isn't THAT late, I suppose, but considering I get in bed around 8:30-9:00 it seems late to me. Before we got pregnant we spent quite a bit of time together. Just he past couple of weeks, he's out of the house, doing something at least 4 nights a week. 

    I tried talking to him again yesterday. He seemed a bit more responsive. I think he feels left out and this is his way of occupying himself and his thoughts. He truly was terrified to find out it was a girl...I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it? Idk. He's going out again tonight, can't wait to see what time he comes in!

     And YES, he is being an @ss. But it's not like him to totally disregard my concerns. I've slept in the guest room before, but then I don't sleep well which is just as bad as him waking me up. It's a lose lose. 

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  • LittleFish1LittleFish1 member
    Meh, too bad that the guest bed provides you with a sleep that is just as bad as an interrupted one. Completly relate to earlier pregnancy bed time. There were days I came home from work and went straight to bed.

    DH had a bit of a pause when we found out we were having a girl. He was never the type to talk to my belly or even feel for kicks, however he is totally wrapped around our little girl's finger and has figured out his own way of playing with her. He was playing and singing to her well before my PP hormones renormalized and does an amazing job taking care of "his girls."
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  • ashleeyo23ashleeyo23 member

    Finances are tight but not horrible. I would rather by staying in and saving money, which is normally what he likes to do. So maybe this is a short-lived panic phase that will be gone in the matter of weeks. Geesh, I hope.

     Only two of his good friends have children, the rest still live very "college like" single lives. I think this may be playing a part - they are wanting to get THEIR time in with him before the dreaded "baby comes" and he can't go out to play. They act like he's dying or something...it's pathetic..and selfish of them - but I'm a little biased.

     He came home last night at 9. Much better and I made sure to express to him my appreciation. 

    I'm trying to be more understanding, with a lot less nagging. Hopefully it will subside and we can get back to the way we were...we only have 4.5 months left of our life of "just us."

     Thanks for all the feedback!!

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