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September 2012 Moms
Holly_1007
member
I feel so bad...
Holly_1007
member
My SD had her spring play last night. Have I mentioned here about her half sister at her moms house? She is pretty severely autistic. She is 2.5, the size of a 4 year old, with the mentality of an 18 month old. So BM and her DH pretty much can't carry/ hold her, so they contain her to a stroller whenever they go out with her. She hates the stroller (can't say I blame her) so she just shreiks (she is non verbal) and throws her body back and forth in the stroller (she looks like she is seizing, its really bizarre). She has busted the brakes on it, so unless someone has a firm grip on the stroller she will just take off.
Anyway, so we are sitting at the play waiting for it to start and the little girl is bouncing and shreiking. I can see that the dad has a both arms wrapped around the base of the stroller and it is still bouncing off the ground. She starts shreiking so they hand her a bag of potatoe chips to keep her quite. She proceeds to throw every single chip onto the floor, then scream and bounce some more. They don't offer her any toys or a cup or anything, they just let her shreik and bounce Which is fine because there are a bunch of kids running around and the play hasn't started yet.
So then the play starts and the lights are turned down in the auditorum and she loses her shiit. Shreiking, screaming and throwing herself around in this stroller. At this point its getting ridiculous. The whole audience is quiet trying to watch the kids and she is just flipping out. No one is talking to her, trying to calm her down, giving her anything to play with etc. The husband just holds onto the stroller and ignores her. This continued for the entire 30 minute play.
I'm not trying to be insensitive, I get that she doesn't understand to be quite, or calm down. But it was SO distracting, and neither of the parents even tried to calm her down! If my child ever caused that big of a scene, I would have just left! My SD was SO embarassed and I feel so bad for this little girl. She obviously had no idea what was going on, and no one would pay attention to her!
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Re: I feel so bad...
I bet the parents didn't know what to do.
Yes, she has been in EI for a little over a year. She is getting about 30 hours a week. They have brought her to a few of SD's other events (soccer games, class presentations etc) so I can't imagine that it was out of the blue that she was acting like this. The whole situation is just so frustrating as an outsider!
That's just it! BM has this mentality that the little girl can just do whatever she wants because she is autistic, and people should be understanding to that, you know all the "autism awareness" stuff and people should just deal with it. But the little girl was clearly NOT ok! Its not like she was just being loud, happy & laughing. She was stressed & uncomfortable! It was really sad to watch, and to know that this is how they handle her in these types of situations.
This--so unfair to both kids. I have a friend whose son is severely autistic (nonverbal) and she would never let him scream through a sibling's play. She's just used to taking him out of the situation if need be. It's better for him than to continue to stress him out.
I will freely admit that if this was happening somewhere I was an audience member, I would be really, really annoyed. I get that they're dealing with autism, but seriously--if you need to leave, leave. Don't let your child, for whatever reason, scream through a performance that hundreds of other people are trying to enjoy (or, you know, tolerate...depending on the talent pool or lack thereof at any particular children's concert or play).
Huh, I didn't know that. I know they don't pick her up or carry her much due to her physical size they can't but I didn't realize it might be stressful to her as well. That is good to know.
Well this is what I was thinking, WE know she is autistic, but to bystanders she just looks like a poorly behaved 3 yr old. That's not fair to the little girl to get judged like that, and to others who don't know the situation!
Yep, that's why they really need to work with EI to learn the best way to handle her when she's acting like that.
How did you and your husband handle it? It would have been hard for me not to offer some kind of help.
They should be able to get some strategies from their service worker. I used to be a behavior specialist that worked with autistic kids and we did a lot of this. Strategizing with parents on how they can handle situations like this. We even went out into the community to practice with them and walk them through it. They could look into a weighted blanket or other sensory items that could distract her or help her calm down. They definitely should not have kept her their, IMO, that just made it upsetting for everyone involved.
DH and I were each holding one of our own children. Colby started fussing so I nursed him pretty much the whole time, and the only way Keagan could see was if DH held him.
Our relationship with BM is strained, I highly doubt she would have let either of us help, and most likely would have gotten offended if we offered.
BM's mother was there also, so between the 3 of them I was shocked no one removed her.
She is pretty large, if I had to estimate almost 50 pounds. I think if they took her out of the stroller she would have taken off, that is why they contain her. It was sad to watch. I couldn't imagine just ignoring my clearly over-stimulated special needs child like that.
Yeah. It seems like they had more than enough people for at least one of them to take her out and help her. Sad all around....
Must be tough to be those parents,but you have to learn some situations aren't appropriate for your SN child.
This.
DS1 has SPD. He doesn't like wind (or moving air), lights (biggest issue is the sun), anything cold, or anything that crinkles.
Also I understand your frustrations/sadness. Parents take diagnoses like autism in all different ways. Some bury their head the sand, some become over protective, and some take the idea that autism gives them a green light for things like this. Unfortunately most of the time even the best therapy can't change the parents.
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