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Blended Families
+just+j+
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Update. My XIL's, about every 3 weeks. And....a job.
+just+j+
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If life/things continue as they are it looks like XH is taking DD every 3-4 weeks. I was going to give him 2 weekends in a row because it was his weekend this weekend, and it's father's day the next. We were then going to start the EOWE thing again. Only that's not ever been consistent.
He says he can't afford to take her both weekends. So I left it up to him to decide. He tried to talk me into coming to his town - where he knows I have tons of family and friends and I like to visit, but I calmly said, "I'm sorry. I'm not coming to XTown." He dropped it.
XH has dis-owned his mother and family again. Supposedly. His mother is insisting that XH bring DD down to Texas to visit when he's there and XH said no. He knows I'd go ballistic, and he doesn't really want to see her. She got mad, tried to guilt him - including telling him there was a warrant out for his arrest. X checked. There is no warrant. He says he's done and that i was right, and he's sorry he didn't listen sooner. Ploy to get me back? Maybe. Don't care really - I just told him that if she continues to harrass him, he needs to file a restraing order and/or cease and desist, and please inculde DD on it. And... if I ever hear DD is in her presence EVER again...I'll take him to court. Oh yeah, before I appear hateful and controlling, she's back on the meth and her sister is done with her too.
And now for the best part. I may have a really, really good job offer coming my way. A friend works for a major international company. She is very well respected and she contacted me because her boss wants her to find more people like her to work for them. They have some huge accounts and want more. I am just the person to connect them to many, as well as do the same quality work as my friend. We think and work a lot alike and together we will kick . We did before when we were young, dumb and green - we are pretty excited about the possibilities now as seasoned professionals. I am crossing my fingers that this is a long term, maybe all the way to my retirement kind of job. The bittersweet thing about it is - it's very close to XH. But I want to move back there eventually anyway and get close to friends, family and a really cool city I always did extremely well in. DD would see him more, and I can set up daycare for her that I trust for him to utilize too.
That's my news. Been working my off, and enjoying some drama free time - XH and I for the most part have been getting for the most part. There is significantly less engaging in stupid ***.
"he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Update. My XIL's, about every 3 weeks. And....a job.
Good luck with the job.
I disagree since choices XH makes regarding his family directly affect DD.
It sounds like you're doing great J, I'm happy for you!
Until they are around the child, this is none of her business. TBH, it's his parenting time. She can't do a damn thing about who he brings around the child. IF the child is in true harm, then she needs to step in. Until he has SD around DD the child isn't in danger. Chances are she won't be around her at all. She needs to let go.
Having a healthy conversation with my X about situations that involves - or could potentially involve our daughter and her well being is not a problem for me. As long as he is not trying to argue with me, berate me, or lecture me as he has in the past about him and I and our past relationship, I really don't have an issue talking to him about people that are trying to get into my daughter's life that are unhealthy, toxic people. He asked me my advice on a few things, I gave it. He is free to handle it however, and he knows where I stand and I have set clear boundaries on this matter. We even discussed how we tell DD at some point about his side of the family. I appreciate the fact that he wants my opinion on that and he wants my involvement when it is time we do that.
I will be a parent who will want to know who her child's friends are, that will meet the parents to the level that I have an idea of what kind of people they are. I will have a general idea about who is active in her life. She will have to learn a lot on her own and experience her own experiences, deal with things on her own, but if there are toxic, dangerous, unhealthy, drug using people in her life - that's where I will step in and make myself heard. LOUDLY. She's 3. She can't do that just yet - so for now, while she is a toddler, I'll be actively preventing people like that from her life as much as I can - especially when I'm given a choice on how to handle things like he has given me this week.
He and I are in a good place and as long as he and I can continue this way, I will have conversations with him about DD. If it diverges, the phone call ends. I have been very good about that and he seems to be grasping I don't want to talk about anything other than DD.
I believe that if XH and I can find a way to be civil and work together, that DD will be much happier. I choose to work on a respectful "business like" relationship with him. He and I both want that. It's a challenge at times, yes, but it's a work in progress.
Thank you for the well wishes on the job. I'm crossing my fingers on this one.
And am I the only one that does not know who mysterious wife is and only saw her coming around lately even though she has 27k posts?
I am in the "you need to dis-engage" side generally, but for this issue - - if talking to you and getting pats on the back for not having his mom around (or having you spend time on the phone chewing him a new a-h*le) keeps him from bringing his mom / other unhealthy people into DD's life, then I think it's worth while. Your XH really doesn't seem to have a lot of common sense and boundries.
I've seen mysterious wife for a while. She's not usually active on this board, more active on Babies on the Brain. I believe she started lurking us a while ago when we had Internet Explorer troll drama unfolding.
I swear I have a real life. LOL
This was not lost on me either Jen.
And for the record - I don't seek out or engage XH in these conversations. I don't ask him about his family. He typically shares information, I say "that's nice" andchange the subject. When it directly affects DD however - yep - I engage, but in a healthy way now. I discuss, make my opinions clear and insert what I feel would be helpful to protect DD. XH is on board with protecting her too and I appreciate the fact that he is allowing me to have a say in how he goes about that. He has admitted he has not been good in the past about protecting his other kids - who most of here know are all really screwed up on various levels.
DD is the first child that he has been actively involved with. It's not been perfect, no, but he is more engaged and involved and it is clear he is trying to make good choices. I fail to see how not talking to him at all about it or simply ignoring it until it IS a problem makes any damn sense. No conversation at all, shutting him down completely and being a b*tch makes no sense to me. It's not easy at times for me, but it's my job as DD's mother to do my damndest to try and geta long with him. To not engage at all, not take his calls at all about anything...that will only foster animosity between the two of us and I would be stupid to think that won't affect DD in any way. I've seen that in action, That's precisely what the mothers of his other children did. I've seen very real results and there are 4 very screwed up adult children to prove it.
So basically, someone who only rears their head when drama is involved is telling me not engage. Ha! Nice. Love it.
Nope. Have no clue. Unless it's a regular posting under another name.
Thank you!
She has over 27k posts so I hope that is her main name! I have 17k and I have been here for over 10 years, OMG embarrassing!
It has been so long but I think IE was BrahminBride
Remember Mike?
I might have confused her then.