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Baby Showers
jacqgomar
member
How big is too big?
jacqgomar
member
in Baby Showers
My husband and I are planning our own baby shower, I know it can be seen as tacky but my sister does not want to do it...she is anti family. My close friends are mostly hot messes that don't really do know how to act like adults, so we are our own. My husband and morther in law came up with a list of about 100 people to invite, add the people I would like to invite we ended up with a list of about 140 people. We have been married for almost 8 years and this will be our first child so a lot of people have been waiting sometime to celebrate this event with us. I'm just worried its gonna be too big, it feels like we are planning our wedding all over again...any suggestions?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How big is too big?
As previous pps have said hosting your own shower is a bit tacky. I am also going to have to agree that 100+ people on the guest list is as well. My biggest shower was 14-16 people. I my opinion a baby shower should be no bigger than a bridal shower as in my eyes the two events are equal in importance and should be intimate events. I understand people would like to congratulate you and celebrate with you but a wedding size shower just seems a bit much.
My suggestion would be to do potentailly two things.
1) If you still want to throw yourself a shower have it be just family and a few friends. Maybe your MIL could throw/host the shower for you as she seems to be a part of the planning.
2) For those not invited to the shower you could host a meet the baby bbq after your LO is born.
I think a 140 person shower is beyond obnoxious, much less if you're actually throwing your own. It looks insanely greedy.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Let's leave the issue of how horribly tacky it is to host your own shower for a moment....
A 140-person shower is one of the most obnoxious things I've ever heard. In general, gift-giving events like showers should be smaller since the entire purpose is for people to give you stuff. Showers should be limited to close family and friends, NOT everyone you invited to your wedding or every person your MIL has ever given a gift to. A shower isn't a major life event, a rite of passage, a requirement....or something you throw for yourself.
And frankly, while I love watching the MTB open gifts and I get offended if gifts aren't opened at a shower, sitting through the opening of 140 gifts makes me want to poke my eyes out. Just the logistics for a 140 person shower sound horrible.
And keep in mind that people don't need to be invited to a shower to celebrate your pregnancy; grownups are perfectly capable of sending you a congratulatory email, card, gift, etc without a shower invite.
1. You must be new here....I highly encourage you to lurk before you post.
2. Hosting own shower...is a no no...I don't care if some ladies on here think it's the new upcoming thing....ITS NOT!
3. 140 people...you are outta your flipping mind!!
Please, dare to argue that this OP is correct on all things. Please, argue with me that she is not being gift grabby.
Henry Cavill...You're welcome!
BFP #3: EDD 1/10/13 **DS born 12/30/12!!!**
BFP #2: MC 7/2/11 @ 12 weeks
**Missing our February '12 LoveBug**
BFP #1: MMC discovered on 12/6/10
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
That's an insult to high people. Mobile smiley
She's just horribly tacky and rude. No amount of drugs can cause this kind of tackiness and narcissism in thinking that while none of the 140 people offered to host one, they are all dying for her to host a shower so that they can attend this monsterosity of an event.
To the bolded- that's the thing that I never get. If you actually have no one in your life who is willing to throw you a shower, how on earth can you have so many "close" people to invite to this shower??
I feel like people take any kind of mild interest/ excitement in their pregnancy to be some sign that "all" these people are chomping at the bit to CELEBRATE.
Um, no. I can be excited for you but not be invited to a shower and the world will still continue to spin...
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
And can I assume that this is coed, since you said your husband was helping with the guest list? If so, I would recommend making it female only to cut out half the people. 70 is still a lot, but 140 is just not going to work.
Definitely going for lesser of two evils! Holding out hope that this whole ordeal will be rethought! Or that someone will offer on their own to host and the guest list will e massively cut down.
I can't get the ticker to work, but I have two sons:
Baby RJ, born 1/25/2014
Formerly Twilightmv
Yeah, I'm trying to figure out what "culture" has deemed baby showers as rites of passage. And if this "rite of passage" is so important to the "culture" she belongs to, wouldn't someone in her family (presumably from this same "culture") recognize the vast importance of this life altering event and step up to help her attain this?
Sounds like someone just wants a big princess sash and tiara for the day...but don't forget the presents!! I mean, people are DYING to buy things for you. Hell, I don't even know you, and suddenly I've got the urge to get you a book...on etiquette.
ETA: And if no one hosts it, who sends out the invitations, gets the food, decorates, etc? Because someone has to do those things...and that someone is the HOST. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of..."no one hosts them." I suppose the shower fairy just magically appears and "poof" there's a party that everyone magically knew to attend at that time at that place for that purpose.
I'm wondering the same thing. But sometimes, I wonder if people even know what hosting means.
1. Normal in your culture =/= normal for American etiquette, what culture is this? This is tacky, and if your MIL wants to contribute a guest list why hasn't she offered to host? Why aren't any of your friends offering? Since this is a gift if no one offers than you don't get one. If there isn't a shower and SO many people are excited they will get you a gift regardless.
2. 140 people is stupidly large, you have honestly no time to talk to guests or socialize. How long would this event be? Even if only couples gave you a gift that is still over an hour of just unwrapping presents. This comes off as gift grabby to invite so many, like you went down your friends list on Facebook.
3. Baby shower =/= wedding. Baby shower = bridal shower and I have to ask were so many invited to your bridal shower?! Baby=wedding
This was my thought. If the OP is going to do it anyway, why did she care to ask? Or she is just having fun and stirring it up which is no skin off of my back. If someone asks a question on these boards, I'm going to offer my honest answer. OP you are basically throwing a party, not a baby shower. Which shouldn't involve a baby registry since it's not all about the the gifts....right?!?
Henry Cavill...You're welcome!
BFP #3: EDD 1/10/13 **DS born 12/30/12!!!**
BFP #2: MC 7/2/11 @ 12 weeks
**Missing our February '12 LoveBug**
BFP #1: MMC discovered on 12/6/10
Wow!
1. Don't host your own shower
2. How big is too big? 140 is too big!!! Showers are usually about 30 people. If you have 140 people to invite, why isn't one of them hosting??
3. People have been waiting to celebrate this event with you for 8 years? Are you sure? Are you positive that these 140 people are as interested in your shower as you are?
BFP 3/29/2014 2u2 Let's do this!
With a list like that, you'll save money just buying the stuff yourself. Especially since you'll likely get lots of blankets and clothes with a guest list that consists of MIL's friends.
That isn't a baby shower you're planning, but a circus.
This is just fantastic.
If your friends are such useless "hot messes" then why are you friends with them?
I'm sorry but not ONE of those 140 "friends" who are so near and dear to you and "want to celebrate this with you" aren't offering to throw you a shower? Hmmm. I think that might actually tell you something.
This is gold! Sorry to tell you though dear, these ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY people you are inviting aren't as excited about your shower as you may think if NOBODY has offered to host for you.
There were many people replying to this post, and not ONE thinks this is a good idea. Please reconsider. Your invitees will be judging as much as we are.
LOL! Right, we're the ones who are doing showers wrong by opening gifts brought by the few people we have invited to our showers. Okey-dokey!
OP, it speaks volumes about you that none of the 140 people on your list is willing to host a shower for you.
40/112
Make a pregnancy ticker
First suggestion, don't throw your own shower.
Second, since you are probably not going to listen to that, only invite people you've seen or talked to since you've been pregnant, plus family 1st cousins and closer. Yes there are some exceptions to that, but get a grip...people have weddings smaller than your shower list. You don't need to invite every person you've ever met just to get a gift.
This.
Make a pregnancy ticker