Joining the Military / Pros / Cons / Help!
ragsdalejennifer
member
I guess I am writing for advice from others who may have gone through something similiar being in a Military family, maybe someone with an unbiased opinion.
My husband has been seriously looking into joining the Army for about a month now. He has spoken to a recruiter, looked up bases, jobs, and taken the practice ASVAB. During this time we did not discuss with our families. I saw both pros and cons but ultimately was supporting my H in something that he really longs to do.
I told my parents and to say the least they are not thrilled. We have a baby and they feel it would not be best for her or I to be away from family, alone when or if H gets deployed, etc. I am now feeling very guilty. Also sidenote, we are trying to sell our home which may be another set back if we can't.
Were your families supportive? Did you back up your H and go anyways? Side note: H has not told his parents for fear of guilt, etc, just until we have made a final decision. Did you regret your H joining?
Thanks for any feedback.
Re: Joining the Military / Pros / Cons / Help!
DH was already in when we got married. When we started dating, I had to decide whether or not this is the life I wanted. I know there are family members who would have preferred that I stay in my hometown, but they never said such to my face. I'm an adult, and I make my own decisions. There's always guilt when I can't be there for things, but they never try to guilt me about it, and I remind myself that this is the life I chose.
DH's family also wish he was closer, but it's the same - it was his choice to make.
As far as having a baby, yes it's hard when you don't have family around, but the military becomes an extended family. You grow and stretch yourself to build relationships every time you move. Sometimes it's harder than others. I have grown immensely as a person by having to do things on my own.
You have to make the choices that are right for your little family, not for your entire extended family. Guilt is a feeling that you allow yourself to feel, not that other people make you feel. There are many times when I have to remind myself that this is the life I chose, fully knowing that I would miss Christmas gatherings, family visits and traditions, weddings, spending time with my extended family. It's hard, but it was my choice - and in your case, it would be the choice that you and your husband make together, and you need to be sure about what it means and what you will give up (and gain).
DH joined when our oldest son was 4 months old. His family was very supportive, mine was not. I wasn't thrilled either, but it was his life dream, and I didn't want to take that away from him. He has now been in two years, and I will say that there are some great benefits, and he really loves it. That being said, I regret it for me personally. I don't handle his being gone well, and neither do my kids. If I had it to do over, I probably wouldn't have gone for it. The timing was just bad. I say this now, but dh has been gone a lot over the past year or so for training and such. I may feel differently at some point. Everyone handles it differently, and I tend to think I'm among the worst. If you can handle it well, the benefits and honor of it all is probably worth it. GL