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December 2012 Moms
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All of you really helped

rjeller32rjeller32 member
in December 2012 Moms

Since I had posted about DH, I just completely gave him a break on any marriage talk. It has been awkward in our house, up until this morning. During nap time, I sat him down, and discussed everything from finances to possible jealousy, and his D word obsession.

He told me he was definitely upset he was missing out on DD2's milestones, and working nights has become really hard on him. He is worried that we'll never be able to buy a house, and has been spending behind my back. He was also feeling really guilty that I was putting my whole future academically on hold for his pursuits, which made him withdraw emotionally and in the bed. 

We are going to start counseling, and try at least one night a month to have a date night, as well as have sort of "date nights" with our girls (he spends an hour with one, I spend the hour with the other) once a week, whether it's a trip to the park, or tummy time or whatever, so we both get the time we/the girls need alone with one or the other every week. 

I also have a potential part time teller job (my interview is tomorrow), and I am going to enroll part time into school. 

I am so thankful for all of your advice, because honestly I was about ready to just give up and get the paperwork for a divorce, but I am feeling confident we can work through it. Smile

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Re: All of you really helped

  • SingleMom31SingleMom31 member
    I'm really glad that it's seeming better. PS. I love the name Caroline. That was my first choice, except that I was vetoed. Still sad.

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  • rjeller32rjeller32 member

    imageSingleMom31:
    I'm really glad that it's seeming better. PS. I love the name Caroline. That was my first choice, except that I was vetoed. Still sad.

    Thanks! I tried Caroline with DD1 but DH hated it. Then when we were expecting DD2, he was like "Hey, what about the name Caroline?" 

    I could have punched him haha. Luckily DD1 is definitely a Layla. The most annoying thing is people always assume I named both of them after songs (Layla by Eric Clapton and Sweet Caroline by Niel Diamond). I was getting asked so many times that I finally just tell people "I did it so when they grow up and become strippers they both have great songs to swing around a pole to." That always gets a good reaction.

     

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  • kescalerakescalera member
    That is so great to hear! It really gives me hope that my DH I will also be able to work thru his issues I refuses to accept any responsibility in this one. Good luck with counseling I hope everything works out hugs
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  • CellisCellis member
    I'm so glad to hear it! That's wonderful news. I'm glad DH was willing to talk to you about what's going on with him and it sounds like you have a great plan set up. I worked part time as a teller while I went to school also! It's a great fall back just incase you can't find work in the education field (not that you will have this problem, but sometimes jobs are hard to find due to budget cuts). Plus banks pay higher than some other jobs.
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  • ForeverEverAfterForeverEverAfter member
    That's great to hear you two had a good talk. Good luck going forward with counselling. Things seem to be looking up now :)
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  • jsoubeljsoubel member
    So great! Sending you lots of well wishes and good luck at the interview

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  • aelhuntaelhunt member
    Glad to hear that he was able to express where his frustrations were coming form. Sometimes men don't know how to express what they feel and it comes out poorly. Women do that also, but we talk through things easier. GL with counseling and it seems like you have already made progress.




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  • *LrCg**LrCg* member
    I'm so happy to read this, your post has been in my thoughts.  I think I was most WOWed by the fact that you are merely 21 and from your post, seemed like a very mature and put together 21 year old.  Please see that statement as a compliment that its meant to be.  You guys are accomplishing a lot at 21 & 25 and the fact that he opened it all up to you seems as though he wants to work it out as equally as you.  Best of luck!
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  • rjeller32rjeller32 member

    image*LrCg*:
    I'm so happy to read this, your post has been in my thoughts.  I think I was most WOWed by the fact that you are merely 21 and from your post, seemed like a very mature and put together 21 year old.  Please see that statement as a compliment that its meant to be.  You guys are accomplishing a lot at 21 & 25 and the fact that he opened it all up to you seems as though he wants to work it out as equally as you.  Best of luck!

    Thank you so much. I don't think you understand how much I appreciate this. I get a lot of negative association with being 21 and having two kids from people. Most assuming I am just like other 21 year olds, but I don't relate to most people my age anymore haha. 

    I am so glad he did open up, it makes me realize how lucky I really am to have him, as long as we keep up the hard work on our marriage :) I really never imagined how much work it can be to keep a healthy relationship.

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