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Blended Families
Alohalove
member
When is it time for 18+ "kids" to leave the house?
Alohalove
member
My parents told us that they would support us if we went to college. However, if decided that we were adult enough to skip college and start working then we were adult enough to live on our own. I feel the same way.
How long is it ok for kids to live at home and be supported by parents/step-parents?
What are your thoughts on this matter? Thank you!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: When is it time for 18+ "kids" to leave the house?
By the time they are 18 and out of high school they should have a job or go to college (better yet...both). I don't want any of my kids or step-kids living with me long-term into their 20's or older. They need to learn to be self sufficient and independent.
Agree with all PPs but love the use of "hineybutt" here lmbo!
I personally would have the same rule. Although my oldest SD turns 18 this weekend, she moved out yesterday =( DH and I really wanted her to stay but she wanted to move in with her boyfriend and his mom. SD is still in high school, she is a bright girl, SD's BM had her held back when she was in Kindergarten.
DH and I really wish she would have stayed at least until she finished high school so she can go on to college like she has planned. I don't blame her for wanting to go so badly, she wanted more freedom to see her friends and he has his license, and SD had to play the mom role for so many years. We just hope she makes the right decisions. Biggest fear is that SD will get pregnant and BF will just drop her. Of course we will welcome SD and baby with open arms if that were to happen.
But, I really hope she goes through with her plan instead. DH and I both had children at a young age, I think DH was 16 or 17 and I was 18 and It is extremely hard to finish school and work to support a child. I don't know how I ever did it as I had very little support. Hopefully this will not be the case with SD though. We just want so much better for her.
I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to make that so long... I just wanted to share my recent experience. I am sad that she is gone but I know that she is happy.
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
THis made me LOL
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
I really hope this is how it is for the rest of my children/stepchildren.
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
If your 18 yo WANTS to move out when they turn 18, I am jealous. It is much harder to get your kid to move out when a) they don't go away for school or b)they are cheap and don't want to spend their own money on rent.
I am livin the dream with my 21 year old living at home, and I know you are all jealous! I won't get into the backstory and reasons why, but it is his 2nd chance and he doesn't get into trouble so we'll see how the next couple of months play out (when his 3 months is up).
Did your SS graduate HS this year?
Say at 21 one of them loses their job and needs to move home while financially recovering/finding a new job I will welcome the with open arms as long as I don't feel like they are taking advantage of me while they be lazy. I also think they need to be working while in school. It's not an either/or thing. Once you are old enough to work you work.
I will support the kids while in school and I will help support them and get them prepared to move out on their own if they chose to work instead. There will however be rules and a required savings plan for a kid that works instead of going to school with the ultimate goal of getting them into their own apartment and able to pay their bills, although I prefer they go to school. The same was offered to my nephew when he lived with us and graduated high school last year. He was almost 20 when he graduated. He decided he didn't like not getting to spend all his graduation money which we required him to save part of for a car so he moved out later that month.
He still doesn't have a job and lives with his BM now and tells everyone he regrets moving out and not sticking to our savings plan and rules. Although he has yet to actually say those words to us, we hear it from everyone else!
I don't care how long my bio kid(s) or SS lives with us as long as they are in school full time or working full time. I moved out to go to college at 18 and lived with roomates in different apartments until 27. When I was 27 I moved back into my parent's house because my roommate's boyfriend was selling drugs from our apartment and I didn't feel safe. I was still working full time and my parents would've let me stay as long as I wanted. My sister moved in with my niece after her divorce. My brother moved in with his wife while their new house was getting built. None of us ever stayed long but it was nice to have a home "base" to go back to. My mom told my DH he can move in their if we ever get divorced. (I'm hoping she's joking.) I want my kids to feel like my house with DH is always a safe place for them to land, like it has been for me and my siblings. My DH's parents kicked him out after highschool and i think that is really harsh. As long as my kids aren't taking advantage of me, they are welcome.
FLameworthy perhaps....I have what might be considered a double standard.
For kids who live in this home, full or part time, they are welcome to live here and attend a local university as a cost saving measure. If they elect not to go to college, best of luck in finding suitable accomodation.
For kids who do not reside in this home (skids, who have yet to stay here in 2013 by their/BM's/DH's choice) no way. Raised with different values, not interested in that at all.
This exactly. I was lucky that I moved out to live on a college campus at 17 and by the time I finished college I was engaged to a man who could support me, but if I were single, I would have moved back in with my parents. Both of my older sisters moved back in with my parents after college for a while bc the reality is student loans don't go away just coz the economy sucks and all these recent college grads can't find jobs. And DH and I moved in with MIL for about 6 months while we saved for our wedding and house and we were welcome at either parents houses. Hell when I was incredibly sick my first trimester, and DH worked late nights, I would sleep at my parents house once in a while just so I wasn't alone waiting for him. And I was so grateful that my mom said it was always my home. I'll be doing the same for my kids.
My 21 year old son just moved out a few days ago. He had gone away to college after high school, but was homesick and transferred to our local university. He lived here for the past two years, going to school part time and working full time as an assistant manager at a fast food restaurant. He just didn't make enough to live by himself, but we had some conditions.
He was responsible for his own laundry and had to mow the lawn and shovel snow in the winter. (I've always had chores for the kids, he wasn't just going to sit around.) He also had to pitch in $100 a week for "rent" and groceries. I didn't want it to be too comfy, but it must not have been too bad since he stuck around for 2 years.
Now he transferred schools again to the school his longterm girlfriend goes to and is renting a place with her and 3 other friends. I'd take any of my kids back if they needed it, just like I know my parents would me. But if they come back they're pitching in and helping out.
The rule in my parents' home gave us 4 options:
1) Go to college full-time and get at least a 3.0 = we could live in their house rent free;
2) Go to college part-time and work part-time = we had to pay rent (but not a ton);
3) Don't go to college and work full-time = we had to pay fair market value rent of the bedroom we occupied plus our share of utilities;
4) Move out and fend for ourselves.
While living in their house (under the first 3 options) we still had a curfew and we were expected to wash our own dishes, do our own laundry, clean our bathrooms and bedrooms, etc. My husband and I have already discussed this and we are going to enforce the same options on our kids.
The absolute cut-off age of "get out you're too old to live here" is probably 25. And that's even if they're paying rent. I don't want the kids turning into DC who lived with his mother after the divorce even after he was married and had another child or BM who is almost 31 and lives with her mother.
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