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Blended Families
Nineoceans
member
Frustrating
Nineoceans
member
Irrational vent.
BM and dh after three years of litigation have the worst relationship ever. Like even I cannot look at BM because of some of the things she did and said. We are in a very bad place
All of a sudden our next door neighbor approaches dh like two weeks ago and says she would like to get SS and her SS together. SS has lived here for over two years and neighbors have lived here for about three so this is random.
I'm a nut so before SS goes over there I check out her and her husbands county background embarrassing its a social worker thing and check them out on Facebook.
Background was a bit eyebrow raising but nothing that would cause me to disallow SS to be around them
Then I see on Facebook she is friends with Bm, Bm's parents and Bm's brother wtf?!
I hate living in Dh and Bm's hometown!!! Ugh. We are contractually obligated to stay within the same 10 miles until SS turns 18 though. Random vent but I'm ready to move to the other side of our 10 miles.
BM and dh after three years of litigation have the worst relationship ever. Like even I cannot look at BM because of some of the things she did and said. We are in a very bad place
All of a sudden our next door neighbor approaches dh like two weeks ago and says she would like to get SS and her SS together. SS has lived here for over two years and neighbors have lived here for about three so this is random.
I'm a nut so before SS goes over there I check out her and her husbands county background embarrassing its a social worker thing and check them out on Facebook.
Background was a bit eyebrow raising but nothing that would cause me to disallow SS to be around them
Then I see on Facebook she is friends with Bm, Bm's parents and Bm's brother wtf?!
I hate living in Dh and Bm's hometown!!! Ugh. We are contractually obligated to stay within the same 10 miles until SS turns 18 though. Random vent but I'm ready to move to the other side of our 10 miles.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Frustrating
Ugh. I'm sorry. That has to be so awkward.
I hate that we are so far from the SKs but honestly the more I read on here about the issues on a day to day basis that people have, I guess (flame worthy) I am slightly glad there is distance. Nothing meant against the kids, but we have a horrible relationship with BM also, and if we had to deal with her on a more frequent scale, I think I would be berserk.
10 miles seems awfully constricting. Not a lot of room for wiggle there. Is that to keep the child in the same school district?
You were right to look up your neighbor. I would find that odd too that you lived there for so long and they never asked to play with SS until now. I can't believe that you can only move 10 miles. BM lives a few towns over from us and he CO prevents her from moving out of the county but says nothing about where DH can live.
That would be frustrating. I have never heard of having to live within 10 miles of the other parent but every situation is different.
DH and I took oldest 2 SS's and DS to the dentist which is located in the town that BM of youngest two SD's live and she saw us driving through town so DH got phone calls for about a week from BM saying " I know you have money or why would you be in *name of town*" DH's money should be none of her concern as she does not pay CS and wasn't even seeing SD's at the time (her choice) I finally got sick of the constant calling and sent her a text saying " thanks for keeping tabs on me, I was in fact in *name of town* taking my son's to the dentist, not that it's any of your concern. I go to work and take care of my kids." It does sound a little harsh but the things she was putting SD's through was just horrible. and BM had no need to call and ask about money esp when she doesn't even call to ask about her children.
Sorry.. I didn't mean to make that about me, just wanted to share an experience. I hope things get better for you and your family. I would maybe try to get to know your neighbors and maybe get a feel of if they have something else on their agenda besides just the kids playing together. Maybe have them play together in the backyard while you guys watch and talk or something?
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
I would not survive a restriction of living within 10 miles of BM. Seriously, that would have been a deal breaker for me with DH, so vent away!
I agree that the playdates need to happen at least equally in your home. I have found that even well meaning people (like our pastor) will say really really messed up things to children when there is a crazy BM in the picture.
Thanks for all the feedback! In the two weeks the kids have been connected they are like BFFs lol. Inseparable. I think it's good bc SS really really struggles to make friends and now he knows another child in a blended family.
I guess I am going to choose to decide to go with it. Even if Bm did prompt this lady to approach us it went in our favor because now all SS wants to do is be at our house playing with this kid lol. Also we have absolutely nothing to hide inside or outside of our home.
On a personal not it is super annoying though. I am sick of feeling like I constantly have to defend myself to people Bm has probably talked crap about us to. But you know I think in the end that all says more about her than us. I saw a post on instagram from Coco Chanel and it said "I don't care what you think about me; I don't think about you at all" and I think that is my new MOTTO for Bm lol.
This is so going to be my new motto too!
P.s. so happy it worked out well for your SS.
Regarding the bolded: Don't defend yourself. Let your actions dispute what they've heard.
BM bad mouths me and DH to everyone she comes in contact with: the principal and staff at the girls' school, the other parents at school, everyone. It makes us really uncomfortable, but we refuse to let her "control" our involvement in the school. So we show up and are friendly to everyone and we refuse to discuss BM. Ever. We volunteer in the classrooms and on campus and set up playdates. I'm now PTA President and my husband is my "trusty sidekick" and helps out at all the activities. People very quickly figured out that we have good intentions, and more of BM's friends on campus have started seeing through her stories about us. We are a lot more comfortable now that people have formed their own opinions of us based on how we act, not on what BM has said. And if any of those people at school are acting as "spies" for BM, what are they going to tell her? "They never mention you and help out a lot at the school. Those horrible jerks".
So be the person you wish BM would be: polite, civil and respectful. Don't discuss any of the issues and keep everything focused on the kids.
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