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BD's share of Extra Curricular Activities

twister22twister22 member
in Blended Families

Our CO stipulates that extra curricular activities are to be split 50/50, including any equipment/gear/whatever is needed for the activity. DS has done swim lessons and gymnastics, and BD has never paid his share. Each time DS is signed up for something I email BD the activity, location, days, times, length, cost, etc. I spoke with BD a couple weeks ago reminding him that he owes his half, and he said it was no problem just tell him how much it was. I didn't have the stuff with me and said I think he owes about $250. BD was surprised and said "That's it? No problem." DH piped up that he thought it was more than that, and BD said just give him the total and he would pay it.

I totaled it up and BD actually owes $377.50 (that's just the cost of the classes, I thought it would be silly to add in 'gear' costs since I buy DS swimsuits, goggles, etc. anyway.)

I'm nervous about presenting BD with the total. I don't know why, because he owes it and says it's no problem he'll pay it. But, I don't know...

How do you handle requesting your share of extra curricular expenses and/or medical expenses from BM or BD? 

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Re: BD's share of Extra Curricular Activities

  • mom2onemom2one member

    I would not feel nervous about it, as he seemed to expect a higher amount. Maybe give him a little warning before you give the total. ;-)

    Ex doesn't pay for any of DS's activities so this isn't an issue for us.

    Stay at Home Mama to 3 Beautiful Children by the miracles of Birth & Adoption
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  • 2chatter2chatter member
    Will he pay it? Trying to understand the nerves to try to help with that. BD here would say the same and never pay.  The entire exchange would be cheerful and friendly.  It is what it is, and the source of stress here is DH would prefer to tell BD that him saying he will pay is a lie. 
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  • fellesferiefellesferie member

    My CO doesn't address extracurricular activities & I've never asked XH for reimbursement for any of them.

    With medical expenses, my CO requires me to send him a bill via certified mail and he has 30 days to reimburse me.  

    But in practice, as soon as I know something is coming up I tell him via email. Then I tell him as soon as the surgery/exam/whatever is scheduled, and I'll include any estimate I have on price. Then when I get the bill I let him know what his portion is, and ask if he wants any of the documentation. He's declined so far, but I always keep it just in case he changes his mind.

    Any time I ask him for anything 'extra', I offer 100% transparency. A few years ago when DS aged out of daycare and started kindergarten, the CS I receive was scheduled to be reduced. I asked XH if he wanted to continue paying the same amount and we'd put the difference into a 529. He agreed, and we set up the account and gave him the login/pw. I doubt he's ever accessed it, but he could at any time.

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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    I would not add in a swim suit and goggles he needs for the summer anyway but I would just email the total and divide by two. In the future I would suggest talking before he is signed up because even though he said fine I think it is unfair to expect him to pay without consent first.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • AlohaloveAlohalove member
    I would just explain that you told him the $250 off the top of your head and then went home and did the actual calculation.  You're lucky that your ex pays most/all of his share of the extra things!! I'm J.
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  • twister22twister22 member

    imageLittlejen22:
    I would not add in a swim suit and goggles he needs for the summer anyway but I would just email the total and divide by two. In the future I would suggest talking before he is signed up because even though he said fine I think it is unfair to expect him to pay without consent first.

    I agree, which is why I said it's silly to add that since I buy those anyway, and it wasn't added to the amount owed.

    I see both sides to whether or not the parent not signing the kid up should have to pay half without consenting to the extra curricular. There are the cases where the non-signing up parent truly does not like the activity the kid is signed up for due to real concern (safety, expense, etc.) and would never have signed the kid up if it were up to them, yet they are forced to pay it. But there are also cases where the non-signing up parent likes that the kid is in said activity, but claims to "not consent" in order to get out of paying, especially because they know the signing up parent will pay regardless. And then of course there are all the cases in between.

    In our situation, I think it's fine that the CO leaves it up to me to sign DS up for activities. To be honest, I'm not going to ask BD for "consent." I have a good decision making process when it comes to signing DS up for activities (expressed interest from DS and evaluating cost as though I would be paying 100% and not like 'I'm getting half off.') BD has never told me he doesn't think DS should be in whatever I've signed him up for, and has never commented that the cost is too high. If he were to ever bring up an issue, I would take it into consideration. 

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  • twister22twister22 member

    imageAlohalove:
    I would just explain that you told him the $250 off the top of your head and then went home and did the actual calculation.  You're lucky that your ex pays most/all of his share of the extra things!! I'm J.

    He's never actually paid. I always send him the information, including cost, before DS starts the activity, but I have never been reimbursed the 50%. BD's quite the talker, so I'm not sure if he'll actually pay or not. I'm not banking on the money, but it would be nice to get that back.

    BD's picking DS up Friday. I plan to tell him then the amount and give him a hard copy of the receipts then, and hopefully he'll be able to pay it soon.

    image
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  • Mrs.H.Mrs.H.
    In all fairness, did you give the heads up that you were signing up for the activity and what the costs could be?  If not, if I were the one being told I owed 250.00 - or the higher amount, I would not be pleased.  Coming up with $250.00 or more at the last minute is not fair.
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  • twister22twister22 member

    imageMrs.H.:
    In all fairness, did you give the heads up that you were signing up for the activity and what the costs could be?  If not, if I were the one being told I owed 250.00 - or the higher amount, I would not be pleased.  Coming up with $250.00 or more at the last minute is not fair.

    Did you read the whole thing? He got an email after DS was signed up for each activity that gave all the information he could want - activity, location, day, time, length, cost, etc. He always responded with "Thanks." or something like that, and said he'd get me his half. He just hasn't. This is over a years worth of activities from two swimming sessions and three gymnastic sessions. He still hasn't paid it. I reminded him a couple weeks ago and said he'd get me the money. He doesn't have to come up with it at the "last minute," he has just let things add up. And I don't mind if he can't pay the full amount at once, but I do think he needs to pay it. It's in the CO. I may never see it, and when I signed DS up for these activities I did so like the cost was 100% my responsibility. 

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