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Repost here Stepmom help

MrsB2be13MrsB2be13 member
in Blended Families
DF and I each have a 16 year old son 8 days apart and then I have a 13 yr old and a 10 year old. DF has a terrible relationship with his sons mother and it has effected his relationship with his son. Basically if his son feels like he doesn't want to listen or do what we ask he calls his mom ..DF and her usually get into it and then he goes home.
I was talking to FMIL and she told me that his son feels jealousy about this baby and his dads relationship with me. I love him to pieces even though he's 16 and I want him to feel apart.
I came up with the idea that on Sunday Nights when were all together we'd all put our phones ..tables ect. In a bag and spend sometime watch a movie, or do something together.

OMG it started WW3 last night ..I asked him to put his phone in the bag and it turned into ..you don't pay my bill , I need to be able to communicate with my mother ..I'm not going all night with out my phone ..this is stupid ...blah blah blah
My son and daughter were playing the strings music so his dad asked him to be quite ..and he kept talking well it all escliated he started yelling at his dad ..me and my children just left the room because it was awkword and my son was upset at the way he was tAlking to me. Then after him talking to his mom everyone just went to bed ..no movie or activity. His mom was like she pays the bill he needs his phone.

I told DF that I want him here but that we can't have separate rules for him and then my kids. And secondly were having a baby who will be a toddler I don't want her thinking that kind of behavior is acceptable !!
On top of all that I've been have preterm labor issues I don't need that type of stress . I don't really know what to do, I don't want to treat him differently but I can't help being pissed every time he's with us were dealing with some of his drama .


Sorry so long I needed to vent
This is a repost from another board though I'd get more advice here
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Re: Repost here Stepmom help

  • cole2144cole2144 member
    IMO that type of behavior is unacceptable. He would either put the phone away or I would take it away. I don`t care who pays for it, in our house, you play by our rules.
    No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
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  • MrsHetzelMrsHetzel member
    imagecole2144:
    IMO that type of behavior is unacceptable. He would either put the phone away or I would take it away. I dont care who pays for it, in our house, you play by our rules.


    This.
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  • MrsB2be13MrsB2be13 member
    That's what DF said and his mom was like just bring him home. DF is tired of fighting with the both of them and is on the verge of in inviting his son to visit. I don't want to be the cause of that.
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  • SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    imageMrsB2be13:
    That's what DF said and his mom was like just bring him home. DF is tired of fighting with the both of them and is on the verge of in inviting his son to visit. I don't want to be the cause of that.


    If it is his custody day there is nothing the BM can do about it. There is also nothing the son can do about it. He is still a child and needs to play by the family rules. BM doesn't get to choose what is acceptable at your house. In no way was it necessary for her to even bepart of that conversation. If she says bring him home tell her tough luck its not her custody day.
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  • MrsB2be13MrsB2be13 member
    BM is the most difficult person !!! From what my FMIL has told me she has made it her life's work to make it difficult for DF ... They had a very unpleasant relationship before she got prego and it was even worse after she had SS.

    I was going to suggest counseling for the two of them but it almost as though SS is brain washed by his mother
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  • fellesferiefellesferie member

    BM may be difficult, but your DF is letting it happen. If you decided together that the phones would go in the bag, then the phones go in the bag. 

    When my kids are asked to hand over electronics and they refuse, the electronics get taken away for a period of time. 

    Don't focus on what you can't control (how hard BM makes your fiance's life) and focus on what you can (enforcing the rules in your home). 

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  • Lavender PLavender P member
    I agree with the PPs. I just wanted to add that since you have 3 kids and DF only has SS, and now you will have one together, maybe your SS feels like he is the odd man out and therefore makes it so he is. I am not saying his behavior is in any way acceptable but sometimes kids act out so that it will seem like they don't care when they really do.
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  • CurlyQ284CurlyQ284 member
    I think the problem is his dad taking him home whenever his son get his undies in a knot. No more going home to mommy's house. He is at your house during the time specified on the court order and he stays there until he's supposed to go home. Its not rocket science. He's figured out how to get his way and your fiance? Let's it happen.
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    imageMrsB2be13:
    That's what DF said and his mom was like just bring him home. DF is tired of fighting with the both of them and is on the verge of in inviting his son to visit. I don't want to be the cause of that.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member

    imageMrsB2be13:
    That's what DF said and his mom was like just bring him home. DF is tired of fighting with the both of them and is on the verge of in inviting his son to visit. I don't want to be the cause of that.

    This is 100% a DF problem.  Every time his son complained he let him go back to his Moms so he now calls the shots.  Your DF should have said no it is his house and his rules and his son is not using the phone there and he is not taking him home during his time.  But instead he lets his ex and his 16yo call the shots.  Was DF always like this?

    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • MrsB2be13MrsB2be13 member
    imageLittlejen22:

    imageMrsB2be13:
    That's what DF said and his mom was like just bring him home. DF is tired of fighting with the both of them and is on the verge of in inviting his son to visit. I don't want to be the cause of that.

    This is 100% a DF problem.  Every time his son complained he let him go back to his Moms so he now calls the shots.  Your DF should have said no it is his house and his rules and his son is not using the phone there and he is not taking him home during his time.  But instead he lets his ex and his 16yo call the shots.  Was DF always like this?




    He wasn't always like that ..in the past when he's been forcefully SS would go home and tell his mom. Then she would deny future visits ..Luckly FFIL is a successful and well know attorney so they'd drag her to court.
    He loves his son and wants to be apart of his life..he's court ordered to have him for the whole summer but she said no, we can barley get her to agree to every other week. I told him if he wants to go back to court I'm fine with that ... He's said he's just tired of fighting with her and now his son. SS unfortunately live in an environment where disrespecting his dad is 100 acceptable.
    His attitude is so shitty that both of the grandparents mil fil hardly deal with him.
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  • MrsB2be13MrsB2be13 member
    Oh and we didn't wind up taking him home early all though I wanted to. Because his attitude was so horrible it ruined the rest of the weekend for everyone ......
    I'm sure he feel some type of way about his dad spending so much time with us and that's why I make sure he's always included what generally ruins it is his smart mouth and terrible attitude
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  • cole2144cole2144 member
    imageMrsB2be13:
    imageLittlejen22:

    imageMrsB2be13:
    That's what DF said and his mom was like just bring him home. DF is tired of fighting with the both of them and is on the verge of in inviting his son to visit. I don't want to be the cause of that.

    This is 100% a DF problem.  Every time his son complained he let him go back to his Moms so he now calls the shots.  Your DF should have said no it is his house and his rules and his son is not using the phone there and he is not taking him home during his time.  But instead he lets his ex and his 16yo call the shots.  Was DF always like this?

    He wasn't always like that ..in the past when he's been forcefully SS would go home and tell his mom. Then she would deny future visits ..Luckly FFIL is a successful and well know attorney so they'd drag her to court. He loves his son and wants to be apart of his life..he's court ordered to have him for the whole summer but she said no, we can barley get her to agree to every other week. I told him if he wants to go back to court I'm fine with that ... He's said he's just tired of fighting with her and now his son. SS unfortunately live in an environment where disrespecting his dad is 100 acceptable. His attitude is so shitty that both of the grandparents mil fil hardly deal with him.

    Why is your SO letting BM dictate visitation? You have a CO, you need to follow it. Is it easier to let future SS and BM call the shots, absolutely, but later in life your SS will resent his father for not taking any and all the time he should. 

    No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
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  • AlohaloveAlohalove member

    I don't understand this. Since when does a 16 year old dictate terms in a household like this? What's wrong with your husband that he let's his son disrupt the entire house like that? Hell to the NO!!!! 

     Your house, your rules.  If my step kids dared try to pull that crap I would take their phones and store it for them in a container of water.  They know this, so they don't attempt to pull that kind of sh*t with me.  Your SS know that he and his mother can pull the strings at your house, so they do.

     People do what they know they can get away with.

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  • PatriciaPottsPatriciaPotts
    imageAlohalove:

    I don't understand this. Since when does a 16 year old dictate terms in a household like this? What's wrong with your husband that he let's his son disrupt the entire house like that? Hell to the NO!!!! 

     Your house, your rules.  If my step kids dared try to pull that crap I would take their phones and store it for them in a container of water.  They know this, so they don't attempt to pull that kind of sh*t with me.  Your SS know that he and his mother can pull the strings at your house, so they do.

     People do what they know they can get away with.

     

    I heart this.

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